Do you need to end a friendship?Sometimes we have to break up with certain people.See why fakeness can be so damaging and how to protect yourself.﻿

Fake Friend Syndrome

The biggest difference between a frenemy and a fake friend is that you know there’s bad blood between the two of you… whereas a fake friendship can feel like a real one, but it can be more damaging than good for you.Fake friends are the people you hang around with that drain your energy. You don’t feel comfortable, genuine, or emotionally secure around fake friends. You also wouldn’t trust your fake friend with the keys to your home.

Signs Of A Fake Friend

Here’s the big idea:We absolutely can grow out of friends, just like we grow out of clothes. Our taste and preferences change over time.…And this is not a bad thing. Its ok to let eachother go.

Dont Waste Time

True friends are people who are there for you during life’s up and down moments. They are genuinely happy for you when you succeed, and will be there for you when you ask them for help that is within their boundaries.Real friendship is a two way process, making you feel loved, happy, and supported, unlike fake friends.

A True Friend

These are some signs that you have a genuine friendship, and not a fake one:<ul><li>Real friends give us their attention and are present to our needs.</li><li>They support us when we are feeling down.</li><li>True friends are genuine and keep their promises.</li><li>They are there for you even if they can’t get something from you.</li><li>They accept your flaws.</li><li>They actively listen rather than focus on themselves.</li><li>True friends make us want to become better.</li></ul>

Need A Breakup? 

Obligatory Friend: Someone you don’t enjoy spending time with, but end up spending time with because you feel guilty. It’s a habit you do not know how to stop.It all starts with the Spheres of Interest. When you first meet someone, you are not sure how many of your interests and their interests overlap. You both have spheres of interest, and you wonder how much overlaps..

Fake Friendship Trap

Sometimes interests can be points of relevance such as:<ul><li>Working at the same company</li><li>Living in the same building</li><li>Going to the same school</li><li>Playing on the same team</li><li>Being a part of the same organization</li><li>Having gone on the same trip</li></ul>The more you have in common, the more relevant someone is to you.In great relationships, the Spheres of Interest move closer together. Its natural when the circles move apart. Its how you handle it that counts.. be logical. Not emotional.

Do you actually like spending time with them?

When you force yourself to spend time with someone or pretend to have a good time, you either are lying to yourself, or lying to them. This is not truthful living. You are not serving anyone by maintaining this ruse.Having history with someone is not enough fuel for a real friendship lasting forever.

Be Real About It

There comes a point in some unhealthy, unfulfilling relationships where the friendship bubble needs bursting. The lies. The faking it. The pretending everything is fine. It needs to stop. Friendship break-ups should be treated EXACTLY like romantic break-ups. The same way we don't tolerate toxic behaviour from a potential partner, we shouldn't tolerate toxic energy from a friendship of any time span.

The Burst

Are there people who you are close with for the wrong reasons? Are there people who you are lying to yourself about? Are there people you dread hanging out with?Letting them go helps you both.When we say no to relationships that don’t serve us, we make room for relationships that do. There is no need to lie and make up BS to prolong the inevitable. Just be honest and mature about it.

Good Bye.

Guilt is not fuel.History is not enough.Feigned closeness is deception.Be honest.Have more time for real relationships.Live in truth and with real friends.

Relationship Rule.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Why Fakeness is Ruining You and How to End Toxic Energy 

Maintaining close friendships is becoming increasingly challenging for ambitious, career-oriented people. The problem can feel worse considering how we feel when we lose touch with close friends or work buddies. However, making the most of our friendships and connections is important to our existence. We can maintain friendships without sacrificing the pursuit of our dreams.

Maintaining good friendships

Your career is probably busy enough, and without an intentional plan to maintain your friendships, they will likely grow old and fade into non-existence. A simple way to preserve close friendships is by keeping them on a schedule.<ul><li>Regularly and consistently call your friends rather than occasionally liking their pictures on Facebook.</li><li>Make plans with your friends to go somewhere at least once a month.</li><li>If the distance is a problem, video calls can help to create lasting experiences.</li></ul>

Be intentional

Never assume or jump to conclusions about people's actions and motives. It will most likely end up in a misunderstanding. Instead, ask your friend for clarification before you make your conclusions.

Never assume

Close friends are often clear sounding boards that can prevent us from making the wrong choices. A word from a friend or some new insight from a friendly conversation can be just what you need for your role in your office. Losses could feel easier to manage if you have someone with whom you can share your experiences.

Reach out for needed perspectives

When you set ambitious career goals, it is important not to sacrifice close friends in the process. Recognising that friendships demand prioritisation and effort can increase your career performance and life satisfaction.

Balancing friendship and work

Not all friendships are worth it. If you feel strained by a friend or realise that your deeds of friendship are not reciprocated, it may be time to cut ties. The length of time you've been friends with someone does not correlate with the strength of the friendship.

Know when to pull away

If you have drifted away from a close friend or lost contact, you can try to reignite the friendship. Intentionally start working on your friendship to improve it.

Reignite old friendships

In recent times, maintaining close friendships has become increasingly challenging for ambitious, career-oriented men and women. The problem becomes even more pronounced considering how sad or low…

career

Career

Practical Steps to Balance Work and Friendship

A common cold, exhaustion, stress, hunger, sleep deprivation, even allergies can make you depressed, which leads to negative thoughts. In many cases, depression can be caused by negative thinking, itself

What Is Negative Thinking

The study found that a habit of prolonged negative thinking diminishes your brain's ability to think, reason, and form memories. Essentially draining your brain's resources. Another study reported in the journal American Academy of Neurology found that cynical thinking also produces a greater dementia risk.

How Negative Thinking Affect Our Mind

While everyone experiences negative thoughts now and again, negative thinking that seriously affects the way you think about yourself and the world and even interferes with work/study and everyday functioning could be a symptom of a mental illness, including depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders.

Is negative thinking a disease?

I'm Not as Lucky as Other People. ...I Don't Think I'll Ever… ...I Should Be Better Than I Am. ...I Am Not Strong Enough. ...Nobody Cares. ...I Am Not Smart Enough. ...If I Don't Do Well, I'm a Failure. ...Bad Things Will Happen.

common negative thoughts we all have and what we should think in

Quite simply, no matter how positive of a person you are, negative people can affect your life, unless you take the right precautions. The effects are also drastic. ... Negative attitudes can also affect your intelligence and ability to think

Can a negative person affect you?

Emotions Really Are Contagious. ... Acknowledge your funk. ... Give yourself a pep talk. ... Get your friend out of their head. ... Set boundaries. ... Step away from technology. ... Show gratitude. ... Practice being kind to yourself

How to Stay Positive When Everyone Around You Is Negative

Detach. Remember that the way people act has nothing to do with you. ... Avoid Blame. Don't blame, assume, or attack them. ... Respond Calmly. Respond the way you would want them to talk to you. ... Be Firm. Be firm with your boundaries. ... Find The Positive. Identify what gives you positive energy.

How To Deal With Negative People

obstacles are a part of life. ...Practice gratitude. ...Keep a gratitude journal.Open yourself up to humor. ...Spend time with positive people. ...Practice positive self-talk. ...Identify your areas of negativity. ...Start every day on a positive note.21-Feb-2019

Focus on the good things Challenging situation 

Hello beautiful people good evening like me you also bothered by negative thoughts and damage your life.....

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Health

Negitivty to possitivty

There are all kinds of theories about how to shape your life to get the most happiness, the most peace of mind, the most whatever it is you hope to achieve in your life. And then there is reality.The truth: it’s not that hard to cultivate positive attitude--optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm – because these three mindsets make everything in life and in business easier. Why wouldn’t you want to have an easier life?

5 Ways to Shape Your Life With Positivity

You shape your life with the attitudes, either positive or negative. These attitudes translate into activities that reflect your positive or negative mindset.U don’t have to get up in the morning with a negative attitude about what’s going to happen that day. You have a choice. Of course, there are challenges, struggles, and unpleasant encounters, but you can choose a positive approach to each detail of your life. By steadfastly holding on to your strong and grounded core beliefs, you can achieve what you truly desire every day. This is the way you honor your life with a profound sense of self

1. Control your attitude.

Your core beliefs about who you are and how you present yourself in your personal and professional world will consistently keep away the negatives and firm up the positives. However, if you choose to let in the bad energy of arguments and other people’s anger, you will slowly sink into quicksand. Your life will be stall mode. Nothing accomplished.To Today’sorld is full of haters and seekers of division. Avoiding situations that cause you to feel bad about either yourself or others is crucial in maintaining the positive. Limit the bad stuff and keep your inner life in positive control.

Control what you let into your life.

One of the most effective ways to strengthen a positive mindset is to meditate 10 minutes a day. Let all negative thoughts go by, release their hold on you, and focus more on positive mantras instead of limiting opinions.The ability to let thoughts go by without labeling them as good or bad gives you time and space for inspiration, and even perhaps, motivation to create the most positive mindset, you'll have consistent clarity of thought and the ability to manage your feelings when events don't go exactly the way you'd prefer. Then everything takes on a positive spin.

Create a litany of positive thoughts.

Do you think you are more hard-wired to think negatively? If you do, you will certainly use more negative words on a daily basis. But turn that around and describe yourself as hard-wired to think positively. If positive is your bent, then the words that come out of your mouth aren't just a reflection of what's in your brain--they're programming your brain how to think. Therefore, if you want to have a positive attitude, your vocabulary must be consistently positive.

Watch your words.

There is nothing worse than listening to whiners and complainers. To ward off people who have an ax to grind with the world, listen closely to how whiners and complainers couch their emotions. You can usually spot a “negativo” within the first five minutes of conversation. They spread their “poor me” life before you and tell you everything that’s wrong with their existence. And they want everyone who can hear them to be as miserable as they are in their world because they can't bear to see somebody else happy and satisfied.

Ignore whiners and complainers.

Hello beautiful people today's post may a bit longer but have the power to change and you want it so let's go through this ......

Way to shape

<ul><li>A consequence is the result or direct effect of an action. </li></ul>> Consequences give your child the message that he is capable of taking responsibility for problems and can handle them.<ul><li>Punishment is defined by Merriam-Webster as “suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution. </li></ul>> Punishment can cause resentment and rarely teaches a child what you want him to learn. It also can be damaging to your child’s self-esteem and does not facilitate secure attachment.

Consequences versus punishment

<ul><li>It backfires. Punishment is almost always delivered with anger.</li><li>It is temporary. Punishment teaches children to respond out of fear rather than out of a desire to please or do the right thing.</li><li>It reinforces the child’s negative view of self. It creates an expectation by the child and others of additional bad behavior.</li><li>It provokes revenge, makes the child feel angry and resentful.</li><li>It maintains emotional distance. Punishment feeds into their defenses against being close and reinforces a “me against you” mentality.</li></ul>

Why punishment doesn’t work

Three steps:1. Tell your child to sit for a brief time to think about her behaviors and choices.2. When you are ready, not when your child demands, go to your child.3. If your child responds appropriately — with honesty and without blaming others — give praise, a big hug, a warm smile and the assurance that all is forgiven. If your child does not respond appropriately, say, “I guess you need more time to think it over. I’ll be back soon.”

Instead of punish

Parents are often unclear about the difference between consequences and punishment and the end result. 

Parents are often unclear about the difference between consequences and punishment -- and that's one reason efforts to discipline children can be ineffective.

parenting

Parenting

Consequences versus punishment 

<ul><li>Feeling what someone else feels</li><li>Actively listening to what they have to say</li><li>Not judging</li><li>Being aware of nuances and non-verbal cues</li><li>Discovering their perspective</li><li>Acknowledging everyone's feelings.</li></ul>Empathy is the ability to understand and share a person’s feelings. An empathetic person can feel someone else’s emotions, regardless of their personal experiences.You’re able to discover their perspective with awareness of non-verbal cues. You’re also able to simply listen without feeling forced to provide unwanted advice.

What is empathy? 

<ul><li>Having thoughts about what someone feels</li><li>When in conversation, giving unasked advice</li><li>Passing judgment</li><li>Only noticing the surface level issue</li><li>Understanding only from your perspective</li><li>Ignoring or suppressing your own emotions.</li></ul>Unlike empathy, practicing sympathy doesn’t mean you feel what someone else feels. Instead, you feel pity or sorry for someone else’s feelings.You feel bad for someone, but you don’t understand how they feel.A sympathetic approach only provides a surface-level understanding of someone else’s situation. This understanding is typically from your perspective, not theirs.

What is sympathy?

Learn the main differences between empathy vs sympathy and similar concepts like compassion and apathy. Plus, read about the best ways to practice empathy.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Empathy vs. sympathy: understanding key differences

There may be moments in life where we hold a lot of anger and resentment. These grievances should be dealt with, as they offer only a lifetime of hurt. No matter how enormous the pain may feel, it is possible to let go and forgive. Forgiveness is good for the soul, and it has positive benefits on our mental and physical wellbeing.

Research Findings

Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional.

Forgiveness is a process, whilst the duration and difficulty will vary significantly, it can be equally applied to all levels of pain.Dr Frederic Luskin found from his research that forgiveness training helps people:<ul><li>Feel significantly less hurt</li><li>Learn techniques for forgiveness</li><li>Forgive the person who has caused them pain</li></ul>

The Science Behind Forgiveness

If I develop bad feelings toward those who make me suffer, this will only destroy my own peace of mind. But if I forgive, my mind becomes calm.

Forgiveness is essential for a fully functional society.Medically speaking, there does not appear to be any downside to forgiveness. It is clear from ongoing research that forgiveness of day to day incidental issues and longer term grudges, offers prolonged physical, emotional and spiritual healing.

Positive Psychology Research 

Forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging of all the resources available to us - and the most transformational.

Acceptance shifts the balance. Your view of what is happening alters.You separate the pain that is inevitable from the suffering that is optional.To forgive, you must accept the past. You don't need to like it, but it has happened - and cannot be undone.

1. Acceptance 🤲

Research shows that you cannot suppress negative emotions. So become aware of your emotions, recognize and label them, and interrupt and calm your response. An important factor for forgiveness is that you need to be aware of the hurt, anger and grief you may be facing.

2. Emotional Regulation Label

Cease to be a slave to your selfish narrative by taking a step back and shift your perspective so you may observe your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. Observing anger is not the same as being angry.Mindfulness practices provide a practical path to shifting your perspective to allow you to see that your experiences do not define who you are.

3. Shifting Perspectives 👀 

Putting your self in someone else's shoes, can be incredibly helpful on the path to forgiveness.Empathy is powerful at understanding the pain of another.Compassion encourages you to take action needed to reduce that suffering.

4. Empathy And Compassion 💞

Be accountable for yourself, own your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Instead of reacting with fear and running away, or denying you have any power over whats happening, you must take action to avoid recurring harmful behaviour.Recognise unhealthy behaviours, without judgement, and take responsibility.

5. Responsibility Check

The process of forgiveness helps you to remove emotional barriers to finding happiness. Forgiveness provides vital benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing such as a reduction in:<ul><li>Depression</li><li>Anger</li><li>Stress</li><li>Cardiovascular disease</li><li>Pain.</li></ul>Increases and improvements in:<ul><li>Compassion</li><li>Hope</li><li>Immune response</li><li>Self confidence </li></ul>

Benefits Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness provides us with a powerful path to reduce our suffering and bring greater dignity and harmony to our life.

Use good feelings to focus on the positives.A rude comment from someone in a store should not outweigh the beauty of the sunshine or the joy in seeing your child doing something new.The TV remote is used as a metaphor for choosing the channel we watch on a day to day basis. Rather than remain on the grievance channel, we must regularly tune in to what is right in our lives. Choose LOVE, BEAUTY and FORGIVENESS.

Tools For Forgiveness 

When a painful experience hits us, we need something immediate.PERT can be performed in less than a minute, discreetly returning you to a state of calm, restore control, and prepare you to make useful decisions.<ol><li>Find a comfortable place to sit and focus on your breath, inhaling and exhaling.</li><li>On the third breath, focus on someone you love.</li><li>Breathe gently, maintain focus, experiencing the emotions deeply.</li><li>Ask yourself what you can do to overcome the present difficulty.</li></ol>

Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT)

Forgiveness frees us from the pain we hold so close that it damages our physical and mental wellbeing, along with our happiness.Bad things can't always be prevented, you have the choice on how you respond and shape your life for the better.

Final Message

Forgiveness is good for the soul and has positive benefits for our mental and physical wellbeing. We explore the psychology of forgiveness.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Psychology of Forgiveness | 10+ Fascinating Research Findings

Sometimes giving up is exactly what we should do. We're taught to persevere, no matter what, but sometimes that perseverance — that unwillingness or inability to let go — keeps us from moving forward, from finding happiness, from adapting to the curve balls that life throws our way.

Giving Up

🌈Remember Why You Started and How Much You Really Wanted It. ...🌈Look Into the Reason Why You Want to Give Up. ...🌈Picture in Your Mind the Ultimate Result. ...🌈Make a Plan and Have a Backup. ...🌈Find Support From Others. ...🌈Be Grateful for the Good Things While Struggling.

Things To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

🍁Adopt An “I Won't Quit” Mindset. ... 🍁Watch Someone Else Persevere. ... 🍁Call Someone. ... 🍁Go Back to Your “Why”. ... 🍁Find a Different “How”. ... 🍁Succeed at Something Else. ... 🍁Use Failure As a Stepping Stone. ... 🍁Keep Chipping Away.

Below you'll find 8 strategies for not giving up.

🍁Make a List of Goals. Write down your goals and visualize how you will feel when you hit each one. ...🍁Work Out Every Day. ...🍁Make a Schedule and Stick to It. ...🍁Find Your “Whys” ...🍁Find Some Mentors. ...🍁Stop Comparing Yourself With Other People. ...🍁Take Care of Yourself and Think Positively.

Tips to Boost Your Motivation

Give up

Relationships are built, they’re not discovered.

The hard work of love isn’t just finding someone, there’s making it work, keeping the love alive, and navigating the ups and downs of a relationship.It’s okay if you go on a first date and don’t feel the “spark” or instant chemistry. Oftentimes it takes time to develop that chemistry.Create a rule of thumb that you always go on a second date unless something really dramatic and bad happens on the first date

Dating Is Not A Game

Way too often people are rejecting partners that could be potentially great matches long term because they didn’t feel this instant spark.

<ul><li>Emotional stability: someone who doesn’t overreact in tough situations</li><li>Loyalty: someone who has existing long term friendships.</li><li>Growth mindset: someone who believes they can grow their skills through effort.</li><li>Ability to make hard decisions together: you want a teammate with who you can trust and work well.</li></ul>

Traits To Look For In A Partner

It’s easier to meet people now than ever before, however, dating is harder now than ever because:<ul><li>People expect to get all of their needs met from one person today instead of several people like friends, family, etc.</li><li>People have high expectations of what relationships should feel like (due to comparing relationships from social media)</li><li>People suffer from the paradox of choice.</li><li>More options make us feel depressed, makes it hard for us to choose, and in some ways leads to decision paralysis.</li><li>People have fewer relationship role models (many parents are divorced).</li></ul>

Modern Dating Is Challenging

The Happily Ever After fallacy is the false idea that finding someone is the hard part of finding loveThe hard work of love isn’t just finding someone, there’s making it work, keeping the love alive, understanding different relationship phases, and navigating the ups and downsFinding somebody is challenging, but that’s not where the hard work ends.

The Happily Ever After Fallacy

<ol><li>The Romanticizer has unrealistic expectations of relationships. They want the soul mate, the happily ever after, the whole fairy tale.</li><li>The Maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their partner. They love to explore their options and want to feel absolutely confident they’re making the right decision.</li><li>The Hesitator has unrealistic expectations of themselves. They feel like they’re not ready to date.</li></ol>

Dating Blind Spots

Attachment theory is one of the most rigorously researched elements of relationship science. It is based on how kids related to their primary caregiver. There are 3 main types of attachment:Anxiously attached: These people have a fear of their partner abandoning them and constantly want to be in touch with them.Avoidant attached: These people have a fear that they will be smothered by the relationship and constantly pull back from intimacy.Securely attached: These people are comfortable with intimacy but also comfortable with their independence.

The Attachment Theory

Securely attached people are about 50% of the population but because they’re good at relationships, they tend to be taken and are good at making relationships workTry to date someone who is securely attached or work on becoming more secure yourself

The Securely Attached

Instead of focusing on instant chemistry with your date, focus on the slow burn. The slow burn is the person who gets better over time and would make a great long-term partner.

Dating Isn't Instant Coffee

1) The spark is either there or it isn’tTruth: the spark can grow over time, it takes time for people to grow on someone2) The spark is always a good thingTruth: sometimes there’s a spark just because the person is charismatic or hot  3) The spark means the relationship is going to workoutTruth: the spark doesn’t guarantee a great long-term connection

Spark Or No Spark

<ul><li>Looks and money don’t matter in a long term partner as much as we think they do because we adapt to our circumstances over time</li><li>You don’t necessarily need someone with the same personality as you. You want someone whose personality complements yours.</li><li>You don’t necessarily need someone with the same hobbies as you. As long as you each have space to pursue your hobbies, you can make it work.</li></ul>

Stuff That Is Useless In Long Term Partners

<ul><li>Stop treating dates like job interviews, get out of work mode and focus on connecting with the person instead.</li><li>Instead of trying to be interesting, aim to be interested.</li><li>Be a good listener, ask follow up questions, and really get to know the person you’re on a date with</li></ul>People disproportionately remember things on how they end so try to end the date on a high note such as giving them a meaningful compliment or sharing a dessert at the end of dinner.

Make Dating Fun

<ul><li>Aim to find someone great, put in the effort, and create the relationship you want </li><li>A huge percentage of the success in a relationship is the effort you put into making it work</li></ul>Have hard conversations to make sure both of you are heading in the same direction before getting married:<ul><li>Where will you live?</li><li>Do you want kids?</li><li>How will you manage your money?</li></ul>

Tips For Long Term Relationship Success

Our mindset matters! The ability to shift your mindset from soul mate to work-it-out beliefs could mean the difference between finding a life partner or not.People with a work-it-out mindset know that relationships take effort and that building a successful relationship is a process.Our belief in fate and fairy tales—caused in part by Disney movies, rom-coms, and social media—creates unrealistic expectations for finding and sustaining relationships. Remember, no one is perfect, including you. Even Prince Charming has morning breath.

Disney Gave Wrong Expectations

Perfection is a lie. Everyone else is imperfect, too—even the person you’ll eventually end up with.By waiting to date, Hesitaters miss out on a chance to develop their dating skills and figure out what type of person they want to be with.Here’s how you can learn to overcome your hesitation:<ul><li>Set deadlines for yourself.</li><li>Do prep work for your new dating life.</li><li>Tell others about your plan.</li><li>Commit to your new identity as a “dater.”</li><li>Start with small goals.</li><li>Be compassionate with yourself.</li><li>Don't talk about your Ex.</li></ul>

Perfection Is A Lie: Don't Wait

Breakups wreak havoc on your physical and emotional health. However, what you feel during a breakup is only temporary.Journaling helps. Write about the positive aspects of the breakup, and the negative aspects of the relationship, to help yourself move forward.You can regain your sense of identity, which is often disrupted by a breakup, by participating in “rediscover yourself” activities—things that you enjoyed doing previously but gave up during your relationship.You can grow from the experience by focusing on what you learned and what you’ll do differently in the future.

Handling Breakups

Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before. But there’s hope. Using insights from behavioural science, we can take control of our love lives.

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

books

Books

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Logan Ury

How to Not Die Alone

How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

Over the past few years, researchers have devoted significant study to the concept of solitude — its potential benefits, its role in our lives, even its basic definition.So, here are a few takeaways from their recent work — with an eye toward how you can embrace alone time and make solitude a healthy practice in your life.

Research On Solitude

Where is the line between "together" and "alone"? This question isn't easy to answer, and to date, psychologists haven't settled on a single definition of solitude or the nature of its "active ingredient".But many agree, at least when conducting their studies, that the key rests with whether participants feel alone. One's subjective perspective matters more than whether their objective circumstances would bear that out on closer inspection. In other words, if you feel alone, you probably are — at least for the purposes of your mental state.

Solitude In The Mind Of The Beholder

When we feel lonely, it's because our desire for company exceeds our ability to find it. This process can work in reverse as well: If our desire for solitude exceeds our ability to find it, we can also struggle with feelings of discomfort."If we're not satisfying that need, there might also be a cost, just like there's a cost of being lonely if you don't satisfy your need to belong."What constitutes the right amount of solitude varies person to person, Coplan says, but when you aren't getting enough time on your own, you may begin to feel more irritable, anxious or put out.

We may crave time alone the way we crave time with others

But that bolt from the blue need not arrive for solitude to show some psychological benefits. And you don't need to emulate a medieval hermit to get the kind of time and space needed to feel those effects either. <a href="https://louisville.edu/psychology/salmon">Paul Salmon </a>, a psychology professor at the University of Louisville, recommends looking at your quest for solitude more along the lines of a high-intensity interval workout — as a variety of exercise that can be brief and scattered throughout the day but no less effective for it.

Solitude As A High Intensite Interval Workout

Funny as it may sound, pursuing your solitude may help develop your sense of community. By asking others for the time to yourself, and explaining why this is no reflection on their company, Salmon says you are bringing others into your trust, which they may appreciate."Explain that it's not like you're isolating yourself and setting yourself apart, but that what you're doing is something of personal value," he recommends. "By doing so, you're inviting other people to at least acknowledge and accept that and possibly even engage in it themselves."

Solitude As Something Of Personal Value

And if even this does not help you obtain a separate space of your own, even for a little bit, remember that in many ways, solitude is what you make it. According to Salmon and his wife, Susan Matarese, a political scientist, also at Louisville, one doesn't need to be physically alone to experience solitude. Just close your eyes, turn inward for a bit and pay attention to what's going on in your body and what thoughts are going through your brain.

No Need To Be Physically Alone To Experience Solitude

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