The start of a journey to heal from childhood trauma is a brave endeavor. The pain and scars from the past can be challenging, but with time and self-compassion, it is possible to find a path to recovery or at least the start of loving yourself just a bit more

The Journey To Self Love

Start by acknowledging your pain and being kind to yourself. Understand that healing takes time, and it's okay to feel the way you do. Practice self-compassion, like you would towards a friend in pain

Self-Compassion

Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your emotions and develop coping strategies. Not everyone has access to therapy, via financially and/or location, but there are other resources you could reach out to online.

Therapy Help

"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

Begin to recognize and name your emotions, do research if you can't fully describe it yourself. Often finding articles or blogs of how others are feeling can help you find a better way of understanding of how you feel. Journaling can help as well. Understanding what triggers your trauma responses can empower you to manage them better.

Emotional Awareness 

Explore practices like yoga, meditation, or mindfulness, this will help you to be okay with being in your head calmly. They can also help you reconnect with your body, release tension, and ground yourself in the present.

Mind-body Connections

Surround yourself with supportive, trustworthy people. Building and maintaining positive relationships can be a crucial part of healing. Easier said than done, but remember you are not alone

Healthy Relationships

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose."

Develop a self-care regimen that suits you. This might include exercise, a balanced diet, and regular sleep patterns. Make time for activities you enjoy and that nurture your soul, you deserve to have down times.

Self-Care Routine

Healing from childhood trauma is unique to each person. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. It's a journey of self-discovery and growth, not perfection.

You've Got This!!

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Healing From Childhood Trauma

“How dare I play small. How dare I don’t go as big as I possibly can.” – Trav Bell When we play small, we are living our life in a state of fear. Our actions become motivated by our low self-worth, the need for outside validation, desire for temporary comfort, and avoiding those influences at all costs that cause us distress and trepidation.Playing small is being indifferent and living in existence without passion. It is settling for a life that is ok but not great, existing but not feeling fulfilled.

What Does Playing Small Mean?

We’ve all done it. We’ve all dimmed our light and given our power away. It leaves the bitter taste of self-betrayal in our hearts. And it creates a false foundation for connections with others. The truth is that when we’re playing small, we give the green light to others to do the same. We show others that it’s not safe to believe in ourselves, and it’s selfish to explore our greatness. But what kind of legacy does this create? reading these words, are one of the game-changers. The change begins with each of us. And so, let’s break down why do we play it small in interactions with others.

3 Uncomfortable Truth about Playing Small

One of the biggest reasons for playing small is a desire to be loved, accepted, and understood. We emphatically feel what others want from us, and we give it to them, hoping it will bring us something. All this is masked as innocent. But let’s take a closer look at what happens here.

1. Desire to Be Loved and Accepted

The subconscious mind holds a belief that if you just figured out what others need or expect from you, you’ll be safe and loved. When we’re too big, too shiny, the mind sends us a signal that it’s too much. We’ve crossed an imaginary border, and it can remove the love or acceptance of others, so now we have to retreat into our shells.But here is the truth, you can’t make others like you by being out of integrity with yourself. Others aren’t attracted to how small you can become – and if they do, then run and run fast. Others are attracted to that which makes you, you.

Playing small is a subtle form of manipulation. Because when we play small in relationship dynamics, the truth is we want or need something from others. And we don’t know how to fulfill those needs on our own. So we project that need onto somebody else, raising them on a pedestal while shrinking ourselves. When we become someone else to get something from others (approval or even to avoid a conflict), we manipulate them by projecting a false image of who we are. Covering up the truth, which we believe isn’t good enough.

2. Playing Small is Manipulative

By being kind, small, and submissive, the subconscious programming tells us we can get our needs met. But it’s time to stop playing small and step into your greatness. Playing small isn’t a good foundation for any relationship. If being in your power means that someone gets upset with you, withdraws their love, then it isn’t a real bond between you and them. It’s built on illusions that are so fragile that the truth can burst them into dust.

There is that pervasive collective belief that you have to suppress yourself continually to be enlightened. But this is not so. Because through suppressing the self, we can’t find the true self. Thus the ego keeps us in a vicious loop. When you know thyself, the false image of self falls away. It has no other option but to do just that. And so, when we’re playing small, we can sometimes fall victim to the ego’s idea that it’s spiritual. This false modesty and kindness are being projected onto others because we actually are afraid to dive deep to find out what we’re made of.

3. It Isn’t Enlightened, It’s an Ego

This life is about finding inner alignment with the language of the soul. When we are connected to the center of our being, we know who we are and walk our path with integrity. Playing small limits the actual expression of the soul and give space for the shadow to rise. Where do you play it small in your life?What are you afraid would happen if you stepped into your full soul’s expression?Which relationships would be shaken if you stepped into your power?What might you be unconsciously trying to protect from by playing it small?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

By contrast to playing small, playing big is living a NO Regrets Life. It is existing in a state of high performance where we live to our true capability and aspirations. It is the willingness to face short-term discomfort head-on, knowing there will be risk and uncertainty but persevering nevertheless — It is the very definition of being Passion Struck. “Playing big is living a NO Regrets Life. It is existing in a state of high performance where we live to our true capability and aspirations.” – John R. Miles

What Is Playing Big?

It is feeling so passionate about your life and having the willingness to choose to pursue it and implement the steps it takes to achieve it. It is that feeling of being alive, experiencing a great love of self and others, and a sense of accomplishment and confidence. It ends up bringing feelings of greater freedom and a deep understanding of self.

So how do we start playing Big? How do we take those steps we need to becoming passion struck?

How Do You Play Big?

Envision the experiences you want most in your life — to feel accessible, alive, loved, connected, and have peace of mind. Envision how you will feel when your vision becomes your reality, and let the experience along the way be in service of this. Don’t think of your plan in a linear sense. Be willing to change your plan through your experiences.

Envision the Experience

we need to face whatever obstacles and fears are holding us back.It is vital that we stop pointing fingers at others and instead focus on how we will change. We must acknowledge our problems, ask ourselves what we want, then take action.

Face the Brutal Reality of Whatever you are facing

Once you envision the experiences you want in your life, you need to start prioritizing them. No one does everything on their bucket list or life-plan in a day or a week. It is about action stacking. By prioritizing your actions, you can sequence them in a way that allows you to progress on them. You can sequence them based on what is most important, on momentum, or whatever it may be.

Prioritize Your Plan

We live in a frantic state of mind instead of taking the time to calm down our state of mind. The movie called Sound of Metal about a heavy metal drummer who loses his hearing. One of the things that silence finally brought him was the ability to calm his state of mind. It is a choice between our old life and our new normal.

Stop Living For the Urgent

How often do we develop life-changing ideas and aspirations only to burn them down through our actions? Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we create fires that burn down the very hope and aspirations we want out of life. This comes in many forms. It can be self-doubt, continually changing our plan, allowing beliefs to cloud our judgment, or losing focus on keeping the main thing the main thing. All of these are signs we are being a visionary arsonist to living a no regrets life.

Don’t Be a Visionary Arsonist to Your Dreams

We are responsible for our own happiness. No one will create it for us, and if we think that is the case, we will forever be dependent on others to bring us fulfillment. This is a powerless, victim mentality. Instead, put the focus on what you truly want and take personal responsibility for achieving it. This likely means you will need to audit out many of the people, influences, and habits that are keeping you stuck.

Take Personal Responsibility

This starts with being kind to yourself. It’s a giant trap to attach our self-worth and well-being to our accomplishments and the judgments of others. When we have a negative self-image, it can create self-doubt and negativity that destroys everything we care about. It is vital to understand that your important relationship is with yourself. This is why it is so vital to be your own best ally.

Love Yourself Unconditionally

Let go of that idea that you will enjoy your bucket list “someday;” it is up to you to alter your mindset and live your life-plan now. It’s time to tap into the brutal reality that your past doesn’t define you and that you are part of something larger. Joseph Campbell, an American professor of literature, said it best: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” Stop listening to your inner critic and start playing big.We only get one shot at this life. It is time for you to make a choice, do the work, and step into your sharp edges.

If You Find Yourself Playing Small

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

A universe where if you set your mind to it, you can achieve anything. Realize your life is NOT based on short-term discomfort. Rather, it is the sum of your hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations. Slow down. Relax. And be grateful for what you have in life.

Do you live with no regrets? Or do you play small? Playing small is dismissing that passion struck life for one filled with security, acceptance, or control.

philosophy

Philosophy

mindfulness

Mindfulness

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

WHY DO WE KEEP PLAYING SMALL?

Firstly, what is bipolar disorder?Bipolar refers to having two extreme moods, Extreme happy moments with great levels of dopamine outbursts which is known as mania followed by moments of depression.Bipolar disorder doesn’t manifest as all or nothing in a single moment; instead, it behaves more like a spectrum with oscillations.Around 2.4% of the global population suffers from bipolar disorder.

The Startling Connection Between Immigration and Bipolar Tendencies

I learned very quickly that when you emigrate, you lose the crutches that have been your support; you must begin from zero, because the past is erased with a single stroke and no one cares where you’re from or what you did before.

Generally people who choose to emigrate are very high risk takers as they are willing to give up essentially everything, family, friends, career, and community.The dopamine levels in immigrants are generally higher compared to nonimmigrants, as they experience stress, their brains release dopamine in the striatum (region in the brain associated with various functions, including reward processing).This high risk taking behavior increases the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder in the entire population.

The connection

Take a guess as to what is the final outcome when you put so many high risk takers in one economy…yep, the answer is technological advancements.These collective high risk takers in a nation are one of the reasons for exponential growth in technology in most developed countries, driving the economy to be richer and wealthier and this in economics is known as “migration lead growth”.

The Economic Impact

With such high risk taking and novelty seeking behavior, it almost makes them non committal.As they are so risk loving, they are always looking for change, they can’t commit to one single thing for a long time, this further extends into their relationships and career.A classic example of United States vs Japan in the book, “The Molecule of More”, which states the bipolar disorder percentage in the population.United States with a significant immigrant population has an approximate 4.4% of bipolar disorder in its population, whereas Japan with minimal immigration has bipolar disorder under 1%

This gets even crazier

If your answer to this question is yes, just like me, then remember these statistics and data should be used to give you a good perspective of the world and not an indication into your own life.You’ve no idea how overwhelming it was for me while researching this data.I spent hours looking up for prevention of bipolar disorder and was mainly unsuccessful. There is no absolute prevention of bipolar disorder or certain risk taking behavior.Genetics are a predominant reason for bipolar disorder and certain risk taking behaviors in individuals.

Are you an Immigrant or from an immigrant family?

While there is no absolute prevention, there are some precautions.Exercising, eating a balanced diet, getting a good night’s sleep, and keeping a consistent schedule may seem like common sense, but they are backed up by a wealth of research and evidence. It’s important to note that not all risk-takers develop bipolar disorder, and not all immigrants fit this mould. Risk-taking is not a trait exclusive to immigrants, nor is it a guarantee for success.

Any precautions?

These ideas give you a very good perspective into the world.

Why are we obsessed with the things we want only to be bored when we get them?  Why is addiction perfectly logical to an addict?  Why does love change so quickly from passion to indifference?  Why are some people die-hard liberals and others hardcore conservatives?  Why are we always hopeful for solutions even in the darkest times—and so good at figuring them out?  The answer is found in a single chemical in your brain: dopamine. Dopamine ensured the survival of early man. Thousands of years later, it is the source of our most basic behaviors and cultural ideas—and progress itself.  Dopamine is the chemical of desire that always asks for more—more stuff, more stimulation, and more surprises. In pursuit of these things, it is undeterred by emotion, fear, or morality. Dopamine is the source of our every urge, that little bit of biology that makes an ambitious business professional sacrifice everything in pursuit of success, or that drives a satisfied spouse to risk it all for the thrill of someone new. Simply put, it is why we seek and succeed; it is why we discover and prosper. Yet, at the same time, it's why we gamble and squander.  From dopamine's point of view, it's not the having that matters. It's getting something—anything—that's new. From this understanding—the difference between possessing something versus anticipating it—we can understand in a revolutionary new way why we behave as we do in love, business, addiction, politics, religion—and we can even predict those behaviors in ourselves and others.  In The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and will Determine the Fate of the Human Race, George Washington University professor and psychiatrist Daniel Z. Lieberman, MD, and Georgetown University lecturer Michael E. Long present a potentially life-changing proposal: Much of human life has an unconsidered component that explains an array of behaviors previously thought to be unrelated, including why winners cheat, why geniuses often suffer with mental illness, why nearly all diets fail, and why the brains of liberals and conservatives really are different.

career

Career

Daniel Z. Lieberman

Michael E. Long

The Molecule of More

When he texts you, he’s thinking about you. When he calls you, he misses you. When he shows up, he wants you.When he suddenly stops doing all of the above for you, he’s doing it for someone else.” —MxGchef Wp

Man Is A Man

When a man says that he’s willing to wait until you’re ready, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s willing to wait.Why?You knew why within yourself —MxGchef Wp

When the Right Thing Become Blind

Everything in this life always looking for: Pain, cries, strength, hope, trust, and trying again.It's always you and I. And also ourselves and our own choices only.Not because we're selfish or self-centered but because of how we drive in the driver's seat —MxGchef Wp

Reality That Makes Our Mind Twist

Sometimes life teaches us to become stronger, qualified with the skills we need, and powerful with our dreams.It's not about having a posture, money, knowledge, and popularity.It's having the power to become us and having the quality to become a class. And a matter of choosing us and becoming a driver for us —MxGchef Wp

Become Something Worth Fighting For

We are the only person who gets to decide if we are happy or not—do not put our happiness into the hands of other people.Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of us or their feelings for us. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes us or doesn’t want to be with us. All that matters is that we are happy with the person we are becoming even though we are not perfect and just a piece of paper —MxGcheF Wp

When Ourselves Want To Be Free

One day you will meet someone who will break down your walls and stare into the depths of you. That is what they called the "New Beginning " —MxGchef Wp

New Beginning 

Life is not about having the power to hurt people or ruin them until bleed.It's not a mistake to give a point of view or our opinion to someone. Yet, one thing is for sure. Life is all about peace and finding the truth behind purpose —MxGchef

Life Is Not About....

The biggest lesson that humans are hardest to learn is knowing the difference between today and the present.We used to acknowledge today and the present moment as the future by thinking about how to make it for the future and forgot that today and present build a future —MxGcheF Wp

A Lesson That Is Hard To Learn

The hardest part of being a woman is not being ugly soon but having deep emotional threats that ruin the relationship by being too emotional at any moment —MxGcheF Wp

The Hardest Part Of A Women 

It's not the situation is hard. The hard way is about how we do what we do along the journey of what should do to make things go with the flow without judgment of others —MxGchef Wp

The Hardest Part Of Having A Mind

Enlightenment knows the secret behind the dark

writing

Reading & Writing

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

REALITY KICKS IN

<ul><li>The Lone Wolf, The Iconoclast, The Self-directed Trailblazer. In masculine archetype, the sigma male rejects hierarchies, conventional. Focused intensely on continuous self-improvement and mastery.</li><li>The Sigma marches to the beat of his own drum. He lives life on his own terms , guided by an internal compass rooted in autonomy and self-actualization. The sigma forges an unconventional autonomous path that shuns prescribed rules and norms.</li><li>Sigmas derives deep confidence, introspection, and authenticity.</li><li>Sigmas primary drive is relentless self development across mental, physical and spiritual realms.</li></ul>

Why Sigma Male are so Special among others?

<ul><li>Sigma males forge their own path in life. They don't follow established norms or rules. Instead they think independently and chart their own course based on their personal goals and vision.</li><li>Sigmas are not afraid to be unconventional as they pursue autonomy.</li></ul>

They Blaze Their Own Trail.

<ul><li>Unlike alphas who crave social validation, sigmas aren't worried about receiving approval or accolades from others. They aren't people- pleasers and don't depend on external validation. Sigmas derive confidence from within. Their sense of self-worth comes from following their convictions.</li></ul>

They Don't Seek Validation 

<ul><li>Sigmas exude quiet confidence. They believe in themselves and their abilities. This self-confidence allows them to pursue challenges without self-doubt or hesitation. </li><li>Sigmas know what they bring to the table and don't feel the need to boast. Their composure under pressure commands respect.</li></ul>

They are Highly Confident and Self-Assured

<ul><li>Sigma males are relentlessly driven. They set challenging goals for themselves across different domains. They have high personal standards of achievement and aspire to accomplish great things in life. </li><li>Sigmas are intensely focused, able to drown out distractions and put their nose to the grindstone.</li></ul>

They are Ambitious Go-Getters

<ul><li>Sigmas spend a lot of time in thoughtful reflection and meta-analysis of their own mindset and behavior. They are constantly looking to improve themselves through mindset shifts or new skills.</li><li>Sigmas enjoy challenging. intellectual stimulation and have active inner lives. They prize knowledge and competence.</li></ul>

They are Introspective and Cerebral

<ul><li>Sigma males abhor being controlled or placed in subordinate roles. They cherish their freedom to think and act as they please.</li><li>Sigmas prefer to blaze their own trail rather than follow someone else's lead. They like taking charge of their own destiny without oversight.</li></ul>

They Value Autonomy and Independence 

<ul><li>Sigmas are introverted nonconformists who shun the herd mentality. They prefer their own company to socializing with groups and derive energy from solitude.</li><li>Sigmas dislike constraints on their time and freedom that come from group activities. They march to the beat of their own drum.</li></ul>

They Are Lone Wolves Who Prefer Solitude

<ul><li>Sigmas frame reality with an internal locus of control. They believe in determinism over fate. Rather than resign themselves to circumstances, they take positive action to better their situation.</li><li>Sigmas define success on their own terms, not by external standards. They design the lifestyle they want.</li></ul>

They Live Life on Their Own Terms

<ul><li>Sigmas spurn social hierarchies and reject the idea of settling into predefined roles. They may oscillate between omega, alpha and other roles as it suits their purpose.</li><li>Sigmas establish informal authority in a group based on competence as opposed to rank. They interact with people across the hierarchy as equals.</li></ul>

They Don’t Conform to Social Hierarchies

<ul><li>Sigmas prize self-actualization and self-development above all else. Their core drive is continuous self-improvement across physical, mental and spiritual domains.</li><li>Sigmas seek to master their psychology, emotions and thinking patterns. They pursue growth opportunities and enjoy pushing their capabilities.</li><li>Sigma males are highly independent men who focus intensely on self-mastery and actualization. They prioritize autonomy, competence and living life on their own terms.</li><li>Sigmas don’t conform to social expectations and forge their own path.</li></ul>

They Focus on Self-Mastery and Improvement

<ul><li>Alpha Male.</li><li>Beta Male.</li><li>Gamma Male.</li><li>Delta Male.</li><li>Zeta Male.</li><li>Sigma Male.</li><li>Omega Male.</li></ul>

 A Guide to the 7 Male Personalities

<ul><li>Exuding charm and machismo, they’re known for their natural confidence and exceptional leadership abilities. Anecdotally, alpha males are “the bad boy” of the male ecosystem. They know what they want, never back down from a fight, and aren’t afraid of making waves to obtain their goals.</li><li>Common personality traits: Brave, High-achieving, Social</li><li>Careers they excel at: CEO, Manager, Military general, politician.</li></ul>

Alpha males: are strong-willed leaders who love to take charge.

<ul><li>Shyer and more reserved, beta males value personal relationships over material wealth or career achievements. Pop culture suggests they’re great conversationalists and have a lot of success domestically. They’re often associated with happy, long-term marriages and children that adore them. Betas are communicative, creative, and make great romantic partners.</li><li>Common personality traits: Friendly, Gentle, Selfless</li><li>Careers they excel at: Doctor, Nurse, Social worker, Teacher</li></ul>

Beta males: Are extremely kind and down to earth.

<ul><li>Equally creative and adventurous, they’re often portrayed as fun-loving men of culture. They love to travel and believe their purpose in life is to have fun, rich, fulfilling experiences (ideally in exotic locations). Loud and bombastic, they’re constantly on the move and can create powerful friendships wherever they go.</li><li>Common personality traits: Adventurous, Fun-loving, Goofy</li><li>Careers they excel at: Actor, Event Coordinator, Pilot, Travel agent</li></ul>

Gamma males are the life of the party.

<ul><li>Highly adaptable, deltas are known for their competence and work ethic rather than their leadership and ambition. Delta males love learning new skills for the sake of improving themselves, not for power or extrinsic successes. Because of this, they often have a very healthy work-life balance. They’re dependable and unpretentious. Every male friend group benefits from delta males.</li><li>Common personality traits: Hardworking, Loyal, Responsible</li><li>Careers they excel at: Accountant, Dentist, Engineer, Firefighter</li></ul>

Delta males are very responsible and keep the world moving. 

<ul><li>There’s a reason the zeta male is the least talked about personality type in pop culture. They’re rare nonconformists who don’t care what other people think. They know themselves and refuse to change to fit into the rigid social standards of society. Zeta males are fierce creatives who blaze new paths for themselves and others.</li><li>Common personality traits: Creative, Independent, Self-aware</li><li>Careers they excel at: Actor, Artist, Musician, Writer</li></ul>

Zeta males are one-of-a-kind progressives.

<ul><li>They have all the confidence of alphas, but aren’t interested in power or social status. They have enough life experience to follow their own moral compass and spend their time helping other people discover their inner power. Sigma men’s natural wit, intuition, and sense of persuasion earn them the respect of their peers though they’re comfortable enough in themselves not to need it.</li><li>Common personality traits: Bold, Nurturing, Wise</li><li>Careers they excel at: Entrepreneur, Philosopher, Professor, Therapist</li></ul>

Sigma males are confident mentors who play by their own rules.

<ul><li>Pop culture portrays them as the shyer, more reserved yin to the zeta male’s yang. They’re independent and very comfortable in their own company. They’d rather spend time coming up with (usually brilliant) new ideas and inventions of their own instead of socializing with others. They have uncouth but delightful senses of humor and their theories often change the world for the better.</li><li>Common personality traits: Self-motivated, Strategic, Quiet</li><li>Careers they excel at: Chemist, Composer, Inventor, Mathematician</li></ul>

Omega males are skilled introverts who don’t need external validation.

<ul><li>Sigmas are self-directed and follow their own compass rather than external validation.</li><li>They have robust self-confidence that comes from within, not approval from others.</li><li>Sigmas set ambitious goals and work diligently to achieve them.</li><li>They spend time in introspection and seek continuous self-improvement.</li><li>Autonomy, independence and freedom are highly valued by sigma males.</li><li>Sigmas prefer solitude and don’t cave to group pressure or conformity.</li><li>They view success through their own lens, not by social standards.</li><li>Self-mastery across physical, mental and spiritual realms is the sigma male’s primary focus.</li></ul>

Key Takeaways

Type of Male Personalities & their Traits. Which Male are you?

Types Of Males & Why Sigma Males are so Special among all? 10 Traits Of a Sigma Male.

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

Amazing Fact

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰...

communication

Communication

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Why do Intelligent People Prefer Solitude?

The love between women and men used to be marked by stark inequality. From the Middle Ages to the nineteenth century, the concept of love was overloaded with ideas of chivalry and romance.Men were expected to defend women, who were considered weaker and could expect a woman’s devotion in return. During this time, the inferiority of women was deeply ingrained in how people conceptualized love. Since women were considered more fragile, men’s role was to protect them. In this way, love became a way of displaying masculinity and honour, while entrenching gender inequalities.

The love between women and men was long characterized by inequality, but now things are improving.

Imagine you’ve just won the lottery and you go to the mall with your winnings. Now that money is no longer an object, you can buy whatever you wish. Well, in many ways, love today is similar.After all, previously, economic imperatives were the main factor in making marital decisions. But with modernity, new criteria for selecting mates entered the marriage market. One such factor is attractiveness.Beauty has become so important that the socioeconomic status of a potential partner can be enhanced or diminished by his or her looks.

The way people choose partners has changed with modernity.

Can you remember your last breakup? Did you think it was your fault that the relationship ended? Well, if you did, it might not be about what you said or did. It could be all about your gender instead.That’s because self-blame for failed relationships is more common among women. Their sense of self-worth is more closely connected to love than that of men.So, when a relationship doesn’t pan out, women take a blow to their self-regard, causing them to blame themselves. This explains why women are more likely to seek out therapy and self-help books.

Women blame themselves for failed relationships and men hold the upper hand in love.

Do you keep track of the calories you eat, the steps you take or the number of sexual partners you’ve had? Well, even if you don’t, many people do. Life has become increasingly rationalized, and that goes for love too.In many ways, love isn’t just a matter of emotions, but one of rational thought. Modern science can explain why.In earlier times, love was a profoundly mystical experience. But in the twentieth century, the rise of various scientific fields offered increasingly rational explanations. Biology explained love through the lens of reproduction and the survival of the human race.

Love has become increasingly rational.

Imagine you’re planning a vacation. You spend some time online looking at pictures of pristine white sand beaches and book what looks like a lovely hotel room. But when you arrive the beach is littered with plastic bottles and the staff are grumpy.Well, a similar problem spoils online dating. The internet supports all kinds of fantasies which makes for serious disappointment when the real person fails to meet high expectations. This issue is largely because Skype, Facebook and online dating sites allow people to feel that the person they’re in contact with is practically in the room with them.

When it comes to love, the internet and media set people up for disappointment.

You’ve learned that love is becoming an increasingly rationalized experience in which the obstacles to forging truly loving relationships can seem impossible to overcome and disappointment feels like a logical outcome.So, in the face of this conundrum, how can you build successful relationships?The first step is to foster passion and emotion, both of which are vital to a lasting relationship. This is easier said than done as passion and emotion can set people up to feel hurt when a relationship fails, but such feelings are also crucial to building a meaningful connection.

Passion and recognition of socially shaped gender differences are essential to a successful relationship.

The key message in this book:Finding love in the modern world can feel like a futile task. Women and men often have contradictory agendas and the search for love is becoming increasingly rationalized through the advent of internet dating. Nonetheless, all people can build successful relationships with real commitment.

Final summary

Has Why Love Hurts by Eva Illouz been sitting on your reading list? Pick up the key ideas in the book with this quick summary.

Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships. They come in many shapes: loving a man or a woman who will not commit to us, being heartbroken when we're abandoned by a lover, engaging in Sisyphean internet searches, coming back lonely from bars, parties, or blind dates, feeling bored in a relationship that is so much less than we had envisaged - these are only some of the ways in which the search for love is a difficult and often painful experience. Despite the widespread and almost collective character of these experiences, our culture insists they are the result of faulty or insufficiently mature psyches. For many, the Freudian idea that the family designs the pattern of an individual's erotic career has been the main explanation for why and how we fail to find or sustain love. Psychoanalysis and popular psychology have succeeded spectacularly in convincing us that individuals bear responsibility for the misery of their romantic and erotic lives. The purpose of this book is to change our way of thinking about what is wrong in modern relationships. The problem is not dysfunctional childhoods or insufficiently self-aware psyches, but rather the institutional forces shaping how we love. The argument of this book is that the modern romantic experience is shaped by a fundamental transformation in the ecology and architecture of romantic choice. The samples from which men and women choose a partner, the modes of evaluating prospective partners, the very importance of choice and autonomy and what people imagine to be the spectrum of their choices: all these aspects of choice have transformed the very core of the will, how we want a partner, the sense of worth bestowed by relationships, and the organization of desire. This book does to love what Marx did to commodities: it shows that it is shaped by social relations and institutions and that it circulates in a marketplace of unequal actors.

books

Books

Eva Illouz

Why Love Hurts

Can I tell you something beautiful a guy in a mosque once told me?I was complaining to him about people being bad. I was saying: “I don’t understand: Why are people bad? How do people sleep at night? Why do they do this, why do they do that? I’ve been screwed over by people all the time and I’m the good person.”And he said: “No, no, no. Why do you look at things like that? Think of it in this way: We are all vessels. If people took the love from you, if they took the time from you, let them keep it; they needed it. You were part of their prayer: God answered their prayer through you.”

And that resonated so much in me, that every time someone does me wrong now, yes, I’m human, I get hurt, but the pain is not what it used to be, because I’m like: “You know what? I’m sure God answered their prayer through me.”And then I look up at God and I say: “God, you have such an amazing sense of humour!”

“We are all vessels. If people took the love from you, if they took the time from you, let them keep it; they needed it. You were part of their prayer: God answered their prayer through you.”

Good has an amazing sense of humour. #SaraAlMadani #relationshipproblems #lifeadvice #feelingdown

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