<ul><li>One of the core principles of mindfulness is learning how to calmly observe your thoughts, without judging or becoming emotionally tangled up in them.</li><li>This can make it a great way to cope with intrusive thoughts because you’re not denying that the thoughts are present — just changing your relationship with them.</li><li>You don’t need any special equipment to start meditating, just a few spare moments, and somewhere quiet to practice, if possible.</li><li>There are also lots of meditation apps available, with courses specifically geared toward beginners and people living with intrusive thoughts, that may help yo<warningtag>u.</warningtag></li></ul>

Mindfulness meditation

<ul><li>CBT is a type of psychotherapy that can be effective for all kinds of thought disorders.</li><li>It can be especially helpful for intrusive thoughts that become obsessive because it helps to create distance between a person and their thoughts.</li><li>CBT is based on the idea that our thought patterns can be unlearned or changed. A CBT therapist can work with you to identify your intrusive thoughts, process them, and reframe them so that they aren’t as powerful.</li></ul>

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

<ul><li>This is a simple but powerful mantra that may help you to regain perspective.</li><li>When an intrusive thought occupies your brain, it can sometimes feel like it will never go away. But thoughts are always temporary, and there is no such thing as a permanent state of mind.</li><li>Identifying a mantra like “This too shall pass,” or “My thoughts are temporary” could be helpful in reducing their power.</li></ul>

Remember, ‘This too shall pass’

Visualizing your thoughts can allow you to feel more in control of them.For example, you could picture your mind as a blue sky, and your thoughts as passing clouds. Some of the clouds are light, and some dark, but none of them are permanent.This is a mindfulness technique known as thought clouds, but it can be used outside of meditation practice.

Visualization techniques

Animals can be incredibly calming to an anxious mind. They have no understanding of our complex, troubled thoughts, so they can provide distraction and uncomplicated emotional support.In addition, animal-assisted therapy for trauma is becoming more common.

Spend time with a pet

Our brains can be incredibly good at telling us stories that feel like reality. So, an intrusive thought can take on outsized power when it only exists in your mind.Consider externalizing the thought, by journaling or even just speaking it out loud, and see whether the impact of it changes.

Externalize the thought

Intrusive thoughts can often lead you to focus on the negative and create stories that aren’t based on reality. Without even realizing it, you may be spending a lot of your time living in the past, or obsessing about the future.Focusing on the present moment can be a powerful way to manage this. Grounding techniques that can help you center your focus may include:<ul><li>deep breathing</li><li>active meditation</li><li>body scan meditation.</li></ul>

Ground yourself in the present

According to the American Psychological Association, there’s a lot of evidence that spending time in nature can boost mental health and sharpen cognitive abilities.Taking a walk or jog in a green space can help you to break a cycle of rumination, by engaging your body and your senses in a way that gets your mind off your thoughts.

Take a walk in nature

Not all of these tips will be practical in every situation. But one thing you can always try to do is reframe the intrusive thought you’re having.Consider observing your thoughts without judgment, and approaching them with curiosity by turning your attention to how your body responds to certain thoughts that may arise.Distressing thoughts could be your brain’s way of processing something.

Approach the thought with curiosity

A collection of ideas for changing your attitude and overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts

problemsolving

Problem Solving

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

How to Cope With Intrusive Thoughts

Becoming aware of your intrusive thought patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle.

If you experience intrusive thoughts, you’re not alone. Coping strategies are available to help you create distance between you and the thoughts.

9 Ways to Cope With Intrusive Thoughts

<ul><li>These thoughts and images are unwanted and often unpleasant. The content can sometimes be aggressive or sexual, or you could suddenly think about a mistake or a worry.</li><li>You might feel distressed when this happens, but having an intrusive thought once in a while is a typical part of life.</li><li>In most cases, intrusive thoughts do not have any particular meaning. As long as you recognize that these are only thoughts, and you have no desire to act on them, intrusive thoughts are not harmful.</li><li>However, if they’re happening often, causing significant concern, or interfering with your daily activities, it’s a<warningtag> good idea to talk with a doctor.</warningtag></li></ul>

Intrusive thoughts seem to come out of nowhere

Some people may have intrusive thoughts about:<ul><li>germs, infections, or other kinds of contamination</li><li>violent acts, aggression, or causing harm to other people</li><li>doubts about doing tasks wrong or leaving tasks unfinished</li><li>religion, blasphemy, or being an immoral person</li><li>sexual acts or situations</li><li>acting out or saying the wrong thing in public</li></ul>It’s also possible to have other types of intrusive thoughts that do not fit into these categories.Sometimes, people who experience intrusive thoughts become worried about what they mean. This can lead to someone trying to control or stop the thoughts. People may also fe<warningtag>el ashamed and want to keep them secret from others. Keep in mind that the image or thought might be disturbing, but it does not usually have a particular meaning.</warningtag>

Types of intrusive thoughts

It’s common to have an intrusive thought every once in a while. In fact, it happens to almost everyone.Although intrusive thoughts are usually nothing to worry about, sometimes they can start to interfere with your daily life.People who feel fear or guilt about their intrusive thoughts, or feel like they need to take action to control the thoughts, may be experiencing something more serious. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to talk with a doctor.

Are intrusive thoughts normal?

Intrusive thoughts may not have a cause. They can just happen randomly. Some thoughts wander into your brain. Then just as quickly, they exit, leaving no lasting impression.Less commonly, intrusive thoughts are related to an underlying mental health condition, like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These thoughts could also be a symptom of another health issue, such as:<ul><li>brain injury</li><li>dementia</li><li>Parkinson’s disease</li></ul>Signs that there might be an underlying cause include intrusive thoughts that:<ul><li>last longer than a brief moment</li><li>continue to pop back into your head</li><li><warningtag>cause distress over time</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>make you feel like you need to control your thoughts.</warningtag></li></ul>

What causes intrusive thoughts?

<ul><li>Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): you’ll work with a therapist to learn ways of thinking that can help you become less sensitive to intrusive thoughts. In a controlled setting, your therapist may also expose you to triggers for your intrusive thoughts so you can learn to react to them differently.</li><li>Medication. Sometimes, medications are used to treat conditions like OCD and PTSD. </li><li>Self-care. A good step toward treating intrusive thoughts is recognizing what they are: just thoughts. You can learn to label them when they happen and recognize that thoughts are not the same as intent or behavior. </li></ul>

How to manage intrusive thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unexpected images or thoughts that seem to pop into your head.

Intrusive thoughts can be unexpected and upsetting. Learn why we have intrusive thoughts, when they may become a problem, and how to manage them.

Why Do We Have Intrusive Thoughts?

<ul><li>It seems to come out of nowhere — a strange, disturbing thought or a troubling image that pops into your mind. It might be violent or sexual, or a recurring fear that you’ll do something inappropriate or embarrassing. Whatever the content, it’s often unsettling and may bring on feelings of worry or shame. The more you try to push the thought from your mind, the more it persists.</li><li>Sometimes intrusive thoughts are associated with a mental health disorder. They are also common in post-traumatic stress disorder. But many people who experience these thoughts don’t have a mental health disorder.</li><li>Intrus<warningtag>ive thoughts are often triggered by stress or anxiety. They may also be a short-term problem brought on by biological factors, such as hormone shifts. </warningtag></li></ul>

Intrusive thoughts

While intrusive thoughts may be disturbing, they aren’t harmful or a sign that you have a secret desire to do the things that popped into your mind.People are often too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it.

What intrusive thoughts mean

There are some signs to look for:<ul><li>The thought is unusual for you. An intrusive thought is usually very different from your typical thoughts. </li><li>The thought is bothersome, something you want to push out of your mind.</li><li>The thought feels hard to control. Intrusive thoughts are often repetitive and won’t go away.</li></ul>When these thoughts emerge, try taking the following steps:<ol><li>Identify the thought as intrusive. </li><li>Don’t fight with it. When you have an intrusive thought, just accept it. </li><li>Don’t judge yourself. Know that having a strange or disturbing thought doesn’t indicate that something is wrong with you.</li></ol>

Identifying intrusive thoughts

See a mental health professional if unwanted thoughts are starting to disrupt your daily life, particularly if they’re impairing your ability to work or to do things you enjoy. However, even if intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting your life in a significant way, you can still see someone to get help.Intrusive thoughts can also be managed by addressing the underlying problem, such as anxiety, stress, or a personal history of trauma. While it may be helpful to share the particular thoughts you are having, keep in mind that even if you aren’t comfortable talking about them in detail, a therapist c<warningtag>an still help. </warningtag>

When to seek help

How to identify and manage intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts or mental images that make people feel uncomfortable. They're common, affecting some six million Americans, and can be effectively managed using tools such as cognitive behavioral therapy.

Managing intrusive thoughts - Harvard Health

How to identify intrusive thoughts

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44525766-loserthink">Loserthink </a>talks about the sabotaging thinking habits that run our minds and paralyze us when it comes to taking charge of life, and how we can overcome them with small, incremental steps that drive powerful change.

Book Summary 

"Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success."

Author Quot

There are many ways in which we can fall victim to our negative emotions and self-sabotaging thoughts. These habits can lead us to make bad decisions, be less effective at work, and even lose out on opportunities. One of the first things to do when you suspect you may be falling into a pattern of loser thinking is to take an honest look at your current situation. Think about what is causing you stress, what makes you unhappy, and why it is that things never seem to work out for you.

Book Overview 

Then, it’s time to start thinking about what changes need to be made in order for your life to improve. You should ask yourself whether or not there are any steps or actions that could be taken in order for things to get better.  Scott Adams’ <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44525766-loserthink">Loserthink </a>will not only teach you how to spot <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/get-out-of-your-head-summary/">negative thinking habits </a>but also how to overcome them.

Scott Adams’ <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44525766-loserthink">Loserthink </a>will not only teach you how to spot <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/get-out-of-your-head-summary/">negative thinking habits </a>but also how to overcome them.

<ol><li>Use your apparently negative traits as tools to upgrade yourself. </li><li>The past is not an indicator of the future, and grand projects might not be so scary if you break them down into simple steps. </li><li>Ditch the victim mentality and start seeing the opportunities in people and yourself without criticizing or judging. </li></ol>I know, these lessons don’t sound as if they’re bringing something new to the table, but trust me, once you take them one by one, you’ll be surprised to find out how they can improve your life.

Top 3 Lessons From Book

There is a lot of <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/how-to-think-more-effectively-summary/">unproductive thinking </a>that goes on in the world. Most of us fall victim to it at one time or another. The first step in dealing with this problem is recognizing that we are not victims and that there are certain habits we can change if we want to stop being so negative. Have you ever wondered why certain people always look so well put-together, so content, and professional? Well, they might be wondering the same about other people! The truth is, we’re all putting up a show.

Lesson 1: Even seemingly negative characteristics of yours can help you advance in life.

Successful people, like anybody else, have gaps in their knowledge, moments where they doubt themselves, and deal with the impostor syndrome at times. However, they don’t let these negative thoughts take charge of who they are. Just like them, you too can use your <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/ego-friendly-summary/">ego </a>to upgrade your spirit and change your behavior. It all boils down to body language, a good posture, and a confident tone. You rule your own mind and body, not vice-versa, so use your ego to boost yourself.

The first thing you notice when you look at your past is where you stand in that situation. This comes naturally for our brain, as it’s one of the mechanisms we use to prepare for the future. We think that patterns are indicators, but the truth is that it doesn’t always work like that. Past events don’t necessarily repeat themselves, but we fail to think so when we remember them. That’s because we are subjective in our memories and our brain is wired to stay in the risk-free zone. Naturally, the decision we draw is that we won’t engage in new and exciting situations, due to past failures.

Lesson 2:  Don’t think of the past as a future reference, and don’t let big projects scare you  .

Another negative thinking cycle we engage in is thinking that <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/making-ideas-happen-summary/">big projects </a>are exhausting or undoable, which is why we never start them. However, psychology suggests that this is yet another brain mechanism that we use to stay in our comfort zone. If we break down big projects into micro-steps, the chances of achieving the end goal grow significantly. Why? Because as humans, our readiness to start working on small, achievable projects is much bigger than if we’re facing a huge objective.

So, next time you have a bigger goal to target, think of it as a series of small projects with a deadline. You can use this approach to any project, big or small. Whether you’re trying to wake up earlier or open up a small start-up, this trick will help you manage your time and stress better.

Our brain has a collection of unproductive thinking habits that get in the way of success. One thing that we do is get anchored in negative thinking habits, like <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-undoing-project-summary/">biases </a>and assumptions.  Sometimes we fail to recognize that some people are truly great, and we have a lot to learn from them. Why? Well, it could be that our brain associates them with someone we don’t like from the past, or that we are judging them based on their physical features.

Lesson 3:  Clear up your thoughts and always clarify them with people when you have assumptions or misunderstandings  .

Confirmation bias is an example of loserthink, where we look for and interpret information in a way that confirms our current beliefs or hypotheses. Over-generalization is another example, where we draw broad conclusions from too little evidence.  To move past these biases, always ask a person for clarification and try to look beyond their appearance. Try not to be judgemental and be open to communication, while learning from everybody around you.

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44525766-loserthink">Loserthink </a>examines the various ways in which we engage in unproductive thinking habits. The book covers topics such as: <ul><li>How to identify when you’re engaging in loserthink </li><li>How to avoid loserthink in your daily life </li><li>How to recognize when someone else is engaging in loserthink </li> </ul>The book manages to pull us out of this negative loop by pointing out these aspects and teaching us how to correct them.

Loserthink - Book Review

The 24-year-old person who is dealing with negative self-talk, the 33-year-old person who is suffering from burnout from a job that doesn’t bring them happiness and wants to change their life, or the 40-year-old coach who wants to learn what to tell people to change their life.

Who would I recommend the Loserthink to?

Loserthink summary talks about the sabotaging thinking habits that run our minds and how we can overcome them with small, incremental steps.

communication

Communication

Loserthink Summary

There is nothing worse than being forced to deal with a toxic person against your will. When you think about the word "toxic," associated words like "poison" can come up. Toxic people are harmful to everyone they are around and the places they frequent. The mere presence of a toxic person in your life can be devastating!

A person that has been labeled as "toxic" exhibits bad behaviors that hurt others or impact them negatively. They are good at manipulating people for their own self-interests. Many people who behave in a toxic way have experienced trauma themselves or <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/signs-emotional-abuse-trauma-bonding-relationship-mistaken-love">been exposed to a toxic relationship </a>. Instead of addressing their issues in a healthy manner, they start showing toxic traits. Toxic people don’t know how to deal with the internal stress in a normal and functional way, so they become unpleasant, inflicting the pain they have been subjected to onto others.

What does it mean to be toxic?

You will know when you’ve encountered a toxic person because you will leave feeling worse than you did upon arrival. But there is a difference between being toxic and having toxic behaviors. Toxic people in your life, such as family members and friends, can do extreme damage to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Spending time in long-term relationships with them can cause you to act out the same behaviors.

Sometimes, you might not realize that you, yourself, are a toxic person. But just because you are toxic now doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Recognizing the signs of a toxic personality can help you overcome your own pitfalls and have healthy relationships.

20 Signs You’re A Toxic Person

If you tend to leave people worse off than you found them, you might be toxic. If your actions frequently make others feel bad, the common denominator is you.

1. You make people feel bad.

No one wants to be around a person they cannot stand. If family and friends always make excuses when you invite them to places, you may be the problem.

2. People avoid you at all costs.

If you believe you are the smartest person in every room you enter, you are likely toxic. People who are toxic have a need to be better than everyone else and <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2020333349/symptoms-signs-superiority-complex-someone-you-know">carry a superiority complex </a>everywhere they go.

3. You have a superiority complex.

You see others are pawns, there to bend to your will. You believe you know what is best for everyone and are unwilling to hear any alternatives.

4. You're controlling.

You like to use emotional blackmail to get your way. You might threaten to harm yourself or go away in an attempt to spur action from other people. This is toxicity at its finest.

5. You're emotionally manipulative.

You can be caught in the act of doing something absolutely egregious. Instead of admitting fault and apologizing, you play the blame game and deflect.

6. You lack accountability.

Passive-aggressiveness is a flashing neon sign when it comes to toxic people. You never say what you mean or mean what you say. It’s hard for people to know where they stand with you because you are two-faced.

7. You're passive-aggressive.

Everything in your life that goes wrong is blamed on an external force. You never take responsibility for your actions or learn from the mistakes of your past. Instead, you see life as unfair and yourself as the victim.

8. You take no responsibility.

If you’ve ever heard someone say, “a listening ear is near a running mouth,” no doubt they have been exposed to the wrath of a toxic person. With no loyalty to anyone, toxic folks have no problem sharing your secrets with whoever will listen to them, no matter how damaging.

9. You talk behind people’s backs.

With toxic people, instead of showing genuine concern for those who are struggling, you look for ways to benefit from their pain. You might give a homeless person a dollar and post it on social media for likes.

10. You exploit people’s vulnerability.

When dealing with a toxic person, no good deed goes unpunished. People’s kindness is taken as an indication of their lack of strength, and you will eagerly try and take advantage if an opportunity presents itself.

Rather than pull someone aside for a private conversation, you discuss humiliating topics out in the open with the intent of looking good in front of an audience. You might pretend to be joking, but hurting someone in public is no laughing matter. People see it for exactly what it is: toxic behavior.

12. You enjoy embarrassing people.

When most people have disagreements, they can discuss it, come to an understanding, forgive and forget. But not you. Instead, you want the person who did you wrong to know you have no intentions of letting it go.

13. You hold grudges forever.

You see everything as a personal attack on you. No one can give you constructive criticism for fear of the repercussions. When you feel slighted, you go on the attack, and nothing is off limits.

14. You take things personally.

Instead of celebrating the wins of people around you, <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2020332043/what-is-jealousy-how-identifying-two-main-triggers-can-actually-help-you-feel-safe-your-relationship">you experience an intense jealousy </a>. You downplay their successes of others to make them seem insignificant.

15. You're a hater.

You make it extremely clear that anyone who crosses you will pay a steep price. You have no qualms about threatening anyone who gets in your way.

16. You threaten people.

You run your life like a dictatorship where whatever you say goes. This should not be surprising as it coincides with your superiority complex and desire to control everything and everyone around you.

17. You're unwilling to compromise.

Disclosing things that are not yours to tell isn’t your only untrustworthy behavior. You bend with the wind, turning on people who thought you had their backs. You will throw anyone under the bus to save yourself.

18. You're untrustworthy.

It’s hard to know how you will feel from one moment to the next. People may have playfully called you "bipolar" or said you are “all over the place” due to your lack of consistency in your behavior.

19. You're super moody.

While others get emotionally drained from drama, it gives you energy. You love to whip up a tornado of anxiety and tension because that’s what you need to make your life exciting.

20. You love drama.

So, you’ve assessed yourself and decided that, much to your discontentment, you are toxic and need to do something about it. This is the most important part of overcoming toxicity, and there are steps you can take to change your ways.First, understand that behavior can be adjusted. Simply being toxic doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you need to be aware and take actions to do better.Next, because you now understand exactly what actions make you toxic, practice new behaviors until they become a habit. It might be helpful to track interactions in a journal so you can reflect later.

How to Stop Being Toxic

Ask for the opinions of people you trust and accept their answers. They are the ones experiencing you and are best equipped to give feedback. Make sure you do not threaten or punish them for their transparency. If you are still struggling to be a better person, reach out to a licensed mental health professional to get tools that can help you build beautiful relationships.

20 Signs You're An Extremely Toxic Person & Are Difficult To Be Around 

Am I Toxic? If You Notice That People Can't Stand To Be Around You, Or Your Behavior Is Off-putting, You Might Be A Toxic Person. Luckily, There Are Ways To Change That.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

20 Signs You're An Extremely Toxic Person & Are Difficult To Be Around

Before you can move on from a relationship, you’ll need to give yourself however much time and space is necessary to get to a place of acceptance. <ul><li>Even though it may not have worked out the way you wanted, accepting that the relationship was limited and is over is very important.  So even if it seems to be taking a long time – and you’re tired of taking two steps forward, then one step back – be gentle with yourself during the process.</li><li> If you catch yourself harboring fantasies of getting back together, just smile at yourself and turn those visions off. </li><li>Accept that this chapter of your life has<warningtag> closed and tell yourself you’ll be better off by moving on. </warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Accept the situation

Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. Your heart is still freshly wounded and seeing or contacting him will only make things worse. Keeping your distance is vital for the healing process to not only begin but to become complete.<ul><li>If some of his belongings are still at your place, have a friend, relative or roommate stay home when he comes to pick them up so you don’t have to see him. If you need to retrieve items from his place, send a friend to do the deed. </li><li>Resist the urge to call, text or email him to see how he’s doing or to find out if he thinks the two <warningtag>of you made a huge mistake by breaking up. Keeping in contact with him now may leave you hoping he’s thinking about getting back together.</warningtag><warningtag> </warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Distance yourself

In the beginning, you’ll probably need to get everything off your chest by talking about the breakup with friends and relatives. That’s healthy. Go ahead and get it all out. Bottling up emotions is not conducive to moving on, and can be downright unhealthy..Once you’ve let it all out, try to stop talking about him. If you don’t, your friends may start avoiding your company. Talk about something else – or better yet, let your friends talk instead. They might not say so, but they’ll welcome the reprieve.

Move forward after a breakup: Stop talking about it

While it’s tempting to play the blame game after a breakup, it won’t help you. Going over and over hurtful scenarios only keeps you focused on negative emotions. So close the book on that chapter of your life and focus on figuring out how to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, the other person, or anyone else (your meddling parents, his annoying friends) for what went wrong in the relationship. Accept that fact and move on to something better.

Move forward after a breakup: Skip the blame game

Part of learning how to move on after a break-up is learning from your experience. This includes the break-up itself as well as your entire relationship. Ask yourself what words or behaviors you’d want to repeat in the future, and which things you aren’t proud of yourself for saying or doing. Think about what was great about the relationship, what wasn’t so great, and what led to the demise of the relationship.

Move forward after a breakup: Learn from it

Picture yourself completely over your ex. This may take some time, but keep working at it until the picture of your new life is truly in focus. Then enjoy feeling that sense of pride and accomplishment for getting over him and moving on.

Move forward after a breakup: Picture yourself getting over it

Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to focus on yourself before beginning another relationship. Do something just for you and give yourself some time to connect with your inner self. <ul><li>Spend some quality time with close friends and family members. </li><li>Take up a hobby, volunteer somewhere, or take a class. </li><li>Keep yourself busy, but be careful that you don’t overload on activities just to distract yourself from your ex. </li><li>That will make your “downtime” seem even more painful. </li><li>Do something to boost your self-esteem, which has likely taken a bit of a beating since the breakup. Get a new haircut, for <warningtag>example.</warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Focus on yourself 

If you haven’t gone out to a social event since the break-up, now is the time. This doesn’t mean you should pick up the first cute guy you spot at a bar, but you’ll feel better if you get dressed up and put yourself out in the world to socialize and meet new people. But don’t go someplace where you’re bound to run into him – pick someplace new!

Move forward after a breakup: Get out there! 

Figuring out how to move on after a break-up doesn’t mean going overboard with excessive socializing, meeting hundreds of new people, and flirting up a storm with every man you meet. Just relax, go slow and enjoy yourself.

Move forward after a breakup: Take it nice and slow

Not every person is like the one you just broke up with – and not every relationship will be like that one, especially if you learn how to move on in a healthy way by learning from your mistakes. Your previous relationship broke up for a reason, so open your mind, broaden your horizons, and look for a new kind of relationship that will be different and way better than what you had before.

Move forward after a breakup: Don’t generalize and don’t compare

Feeling stuck in life? How to actually move forward

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Ways to Move Forward When You're Feeling Stuck

How To Move On, 10 Steps For Post-Break Up Closure. Browse hundreds of free women’s articles and more at LifeScript.com.

How To Move On: 10 Steps For Closure After You Break Up

How To Move Forward After A Breakup

Emotional maturity is the number one most important thing in relationships, the number one skill set we can work on to get great ones, and the number one most important thing to a happy and effective life. Contrary to some misconceptions, emotional maturity is not about “self-mastery,” or self-development. Mature people may pursue these, but they have nothing to do with emotional maturity. Someone can be ambitious and hard-working, yet still lack any semblance of emotional maturity.

The number one sign of emotional maturity is taking responsibility for ourselves. Emotional maturity doesn't mean having all the answers or being the wisest person in the room. To be emotionally mature is to have the <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/self/feel-more-in-control">ability to control one's responses to a situation </a>— to take a step back and consider what caused it, its context, who the key players were, what motivations prompted their actions, the fallout and how it impacted those who were affected, and having a "bigger picture" perspective in general to be able to assess overall what emotional energy is useful and worth spending under the circumstances.

What is emotional maturity?

“Responsibility has to do with the choices you make about how to think, feel and act about reality.” — <a href="https://www.rogerkallen.com/how-to-become-emotionally-mature/">Roger K. Allen, PhD </a>

Our mistakes, our emotions, our needs, and our wants — all of these are valid and worth taking into consideration, and an emotionally mature individual absolutely does this, while also being thoughtful and intentional about expressing their feelings and responses to the unpredictabilities life continually puts in our paths without getting carried away and thrown by the wayside. If you read and absorb nothing else, just make it this: the most important thing is taking responsibility.

This is not the same as blaming ourselves — <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2015278843/7-signs-someone-you-love-has-major-martyr-victim-complex">being a martyr </a>is equally emotionally immature. The solution is simply to ask ourselves, “what can do to fix this?” or “what can I do differently?” It’s understanding the difference between what we control (only ourselves) and what we don’t (other people.)

“It’s far easier to get defensive and deny responsibility, or become overwhelmed with shame for our act of imperfection or ignorance. Being able to acknowledge when we’re in the wrong takes humility, self-compassion and courage.” — <a href="https://meganbruneau.com/">Megan Bruneau, Psychotherapist and Executive Coach </a>

1. The ability to recognize and admit when you're wrong.

Emotionally mature people “spend zero time blaming others for their problems. They take accountability for their actions as a way to further learn and grow. Life and life’s circumstances, at the end of the day, have to be dealt with from our own will and volition, and admitting wrong is woven deeply into the fabric of mature people because they view humility and admitting wrong as steps up the mountain, not steps going backward. The mature person is able to understand that life is what they make it. That every person’s destiny is within their choice.

Those with maturity live life making conscious decisions knowing that whatever the result is, they are the one’s responsible.” — <a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/living/9-practices-for-achieving-emotional-maturity/282654">Sherrie Campbell, Psychologist, Author, Speaker </a>“Responsibility has to do with the choices you make about how to think, feel and act about reality.” — <a href="https://www.rogerkallen.com/how-to-become-emotionally-mature/">Roger K. Allen, PhD </a>

And illogical and messy and imperfect. Because all humans are. “We all have innate biases and prejudices. It’s impossible not to: we’re socialized into a stereotyping world. So what’s important is learning to cultivate an active awareness of these biases and prejudices, and examine how they might influence our decisions and actions. Ask yourself where you might be practicing discrimination (subtly or unsubtly), and how you can begin to counter these ingrained behaviors.” — Bruneau

2. The ability to recognize and admit when you're being biased.

This is the opposite of the above. Some of us struggle by wallowing too much in our emotions but giving them too much authority in our lives. Others struggle by denying our feelings altogether, which is impoverished in another way.

3. The ability to recognize and accept your own feelings and needs.

We are not victims of our own lives. People are not out to get you, or hurt you. The universe has not conspired to bring you down, break your heart, or make you sad. Life is only partly what happens to us, and mostly how we respond to it. We choose our reaction — and viewpoint. The difference between “sad” or emotionally impoverished people, and those who are emotionally strong, is not that nothing bad ever happened to the second group, but rather that they chose not to assume a passive role.

4. The ability to recognize that your feelings don’t run the show.

Being mature means stating what is acceptable to you and what you will and will not allow. Once you define that line, defend it. Don’t let anyone cross it. <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/self/signs-unhealthy-boundaries-kill-best-relationships">Boundaries are important </a>because when they are set, our character also sets, becoming more resistant to nonsense and drama. When someone charges ahead and breaks through our boundaries, we are compromised. Don’t kid yourself. We suffer emotionally and can sustain lifelong damage. Don’t assume people will know your limit either. It’s your job to tell them.

5. The ability to set healthy boundaries.

Think it through. “Through practicing mindfulness, we can increase the amount of time between feeling a particular emotion and reacting to it. We gain a sense of spaciousness with regard to how we observe our emotions — rather than clinging to our feelings immediately and reacting instinctively, we learn how to first observe, and then react more carefully and productively.” — Bruneau

6. The ability to pause between feeling and reacting.

“Between an event and your response is a moment, however fleeting, when you decide whether to surrender control and react automatically, or to interrupt a negative pattern and search out responses more in alignment with your long-term self-interest.” — Allen

“One does not fall in love; one grows into love, and love grows in him.” — <a href="https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/karl_a_menninger_158635">Karl Menninger </a> “Judgment is at the heart of hate. It is what fuels unhealthy relationships with ourselves and others. If you’ve learned or are learning how to be more compassionate, not just to others but also to yourself, you’re moving closer to enlightenment.” — Bruneau Everything is interconnected, and the energy we put out into the universe is a direct reflection of ourselves.

7. The capacity to love, when defined as compassion.

“Life is going to be full of problems. The acceptance of this allows mature people to stay calm and think more clearly during life’s more difficult moments. The whole process of meeting and solving problems is what gives life its deeper meaning. Mature people have established the emotional intelligence necessary to understand that life’s difficulties are the cutting edge of what distinguishes one from being a success or a failure.” “Tolerate feelings of discomfort long enough to find solutions to their problems. An immediate solution may represent gratification to many, but mature people know that the best solutions come with delaying the need to get rid of the problem quickly. The most lucrative solutions are found in the process of thinking through the problem.” — Campbell “Change is not always easy… Sometimes the most important adjustment is in our attitude.” — Kuehn

8. The tenacity to maintain to composure, have grit, and endure setbacks with grace.

“Tolerate feelings of discomfort long enough to find solutions to their problems. An immediate solution may represent gratification to many, but mature people know that the best solutions come with delaying the need to get rid of the problem quickly. The most lucrative solutions are found in the process of thinking through the problem.” — Campbell “Change is not always easy… Sometimes the most important adjustment is in our attitude.” — Kuehn

“A positive attitude comes naturally to the mature person… [and] keeps mature people in a state of harmony with themselves and others because from their vantage point there is a way to make every situation a win-win experience.” — Campbell Incidentally, one of the smaller, more specific <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/love/do-these-14-things-congrats-youre-in-real-mature-relationship">secrets to a lasting relationship </a>is: always assume the best of your partner.

9. The resilience to demonstrate positivity and optimism.

“Mature people live with high integrity. They are committed to knowing, hearing and working within the truth no matter how hurtful or stressful that truth may be. Mature people are also willing and committed to telling the truth even when it is humiliating and difficult for oneself or another. They have an open mind to hear counsel and to respond to reproof.” — Campbell

10. The capacity to uphold honesty and integrity.

“The mature are willing to tolerate feelings of discomfort long enough to find solutions to their problems. An immediate solution may represent gratification to many, but mature people know that the best solutions come with delaying the need to get rid of the problem quickly. The most lucrative solutions are found in the process of thinking through the problem.” — Campbell

11. The ability to practice self-control and delayed gratification.

“Mature people live with a <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/deborahroth/5-ways-maintain-attitude-gratitude">natural feeling of thankfulness and appreciation </a>for the expansive range of people, events, and circumstances in their lives. Because maturity is based in responsibility, mature people live with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of depression and stress. The emotionally mature turn their happiness into sharing and generosity.

12. The ability to express humility and gratitude.

Emotional Maturity Is Key For Healthy Relationships Of Any Kind For The Rest Of Your Adult Life, So Finding Out How To Become Emotionally Mature If You're Not Quite There Yet Is Imperative.

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