"We fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways."

<ul><li>As adults, we find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they're wrong for us, but because they're a little too right.</li><li>We are unfamiliar with such rightness, it feels foreign and unearned.</li></ul>

Why are we scared of the love we deserve?

"To choose our partner wisely, we need to tease out how certain compulsions to suffering may be playing themselves out in our feeling of attraction."

"It's your job to make your significant other happier — not happy, but happier. They should already be happy before they get into the relationship; it isn't fair to you that you be their source of happiness."

We are actually (only) attracted by people who have the style of love similar to our parent's in the past. And our choices are limited by that tendency, which sometimes result in toxic relationship. To choose a partner wisely, we should examine our past and free ourselves from it (e.g. When we have a toxic parent.)

Summary

We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ: https://goo.gl/scNBv2 FURTHER READING “How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/IkAGvy MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/1y98gz Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/J1yL37 S6UUH4 SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: S6UUH4 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Zedem media http://www.zedemanimations.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

philosophy

Philosophy

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

videos

Videos

We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others.  For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop:  https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ
Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ 
Or visit us in person at our London HQ: https://goo.gl/scNBv2


FURTHER READING
“How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…”
You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/IkAGvy


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/1y98gz

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships

Do you speak a different language to English?  Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube?  For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/J1yL37
S6UUH4


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

S6UUH4
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Zedem media
http://www.zedemanimations.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

The School of Life

How To Choose A Partner Wisely

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2326098.The_How_of_Happiness">The How of Happiness </a>describes a scientific approach to being happier by giving you a short quiz to determine your “happiness set point,” followed by various tools and tactics to help you take control of the large chunk of happiness that’s fully within your grasp.

Book Summary 

"Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it's not out there is that it's inside us."-Sonja Lyubomirsky

Author Quote 

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2326098.The_How_of_Happiness">The How of Happiness </a>provides an overview of what we know about how to increase happiness through our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It covers topics such as mindfulness meditation, gratitude exercises, self-compassion practices, and more. If you’ve been looking for advice on how to apply these principles in real life—you’re in the right place.

Book Overview 

The book will teach you how to become more mindful when interacting with others or by adopting positive habits that will lead to lasting changes. Author <a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/">Sonja Lyubomirsky </a>bases her advice in the latest scientific research, showing that while we do have a baseline level of happiness (our “happiness set point”), we control a large chunk of our happiness, up to 40% in fact!

<ol><li>Our thoughts and genes influence our happiness levels in life.  </li><li>Practicing gratitude can indeed make you happier.  </li><li>You can become happier by doing a series of activities that make people happy in general.  </li> </ol>

Top 3 Lessons From The Book 

Our genetic makeup creates a baseline for <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/happiness-summary/">happiness </a>. Additionally, our DNA determines whether we’re more likely to be more optimistic or pessimistic, for example, and whether we’re more likely to be <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/how-to-talk-to-anyone-anytime-anywhere-summary/">extroverted or introverted </a>.  Our parents pass these traits down to us. And we can’t change it through any kind of intervention. Although our genes play a huge role in our natural dopamine levels, our thoughts are what really make us feel happy or sad.

Lesson 1:  Genes play a huge role in our optimism levels, but our thoughts can make or break our happiness  .

For example, if you think you’re prone to bad luck or let life’s usual challenges bring you down—a fight with your best friend, failure to get into your dream college, and so on—you might become depressed even though there’s nothing wrong with your genes. Thoughts and hormones affect our outlook on life. If you’re always thinking negatively, your body gets the message to release cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. This leads to an overall state of anxiety, and your happiness is suppressed.

The good news is that once you understand how your brain works, you can learn how to overcome those negative experiences and create new thoughts that will make you happier instead!

Happiness is a subjective experience that can be influenced by external factors, such as the events of your life. Researchers believe that happiness is an internal process, which means it starts with you.  Studies have shown that when we’re grateful, we tend to be happier because it reminds us of how much we have to be thankful for! But there’s a fine line between feeling <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-art-of-living-summary/">grateful </a>and overwhelmed.

Lesson 2:  Certain practices can make you happier  —  and  science proves it  .

It’s easy for us humans to get caught up in thinking about all the things we don’t have instead of appreciating all the things we do have (and there are many).  That’s why researchers suggest practicing gratitude regularly, but with a limit. Researchers found that the focus group who journaled once per week felt the happiest among all participants.

Why? Because the others were made to do it too often or not at all. Therefore, doing too much of one thing can strip the joy away from it. Stick to whatever feels good for you, but don’t overdo it. Practice it regularly and be consistent, otherwise, you’ll always start from zero.  You need to find a balance in your life where you still practice what you love, but not in a way that makes you bored of it. Also, make sure to practice gratitude one way or another, as it increases happiness levels (a lot)!

Many people think that <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-happy-mind-summary/">happiness is a state of mind </a>that can be achieved through positive thinking, but research has shown that it’s more complicated than that. Happiness is a combination of circumstances, experiences, and even genetics, which means there are many things you can do to increase your level of happiness in your life.

Lesson 3:  There is a scientific way to become happier, and it includes a series of activities to pursue  .

<ul><li>Doing physical exercise –  Studies show that regular exercise can be just as effective at relieving depression symptoms as antidepressant drugs. </li><li>Practicing meditation – Research shows that meditation can increase activity in the left prefrontal cortex, which is associated with positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It also decreases activity in the right amygdala, which is associated with negative thoughts and emotions. </li></ul>

There Are Many Ways To Become Happier. Some Effective Ways.

<ul><li>Engaging in religious or spiritual observance – Religious people have been shown to have better mental health than nonreligious people. They also tend to be happier overall than nonreligious people. </li><li>Improving your relationships – Friendships can improve your happiness by making you feel more accepted by others and providing support when things aren’t going well for you. </li></ul>The next time you feel down, try one of these strategies, and see if you can’t turn the day around!

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2326098.The_How_of_Happiness">The How of Happiness </a>presents a scientific way to becoming happier. The book’s premise is that the key to happiness lies in understanding how we can actively change our own mindsets and behaviors, rather than simply waiting for good things to happen. Lyubomirsky’s book presents a step-by-step method for increasing one’s level of happiness, including techniques such as gratitude journaling, savoring small pleasures and positive activities and cultivating optimism.

The How of Happiness - Book Review

This book provides an excellent overview of happiness research and how it can be used to improve your life. I highly recommend this lecture.

The 37-year-old person who feels burnt out and wants to regain joy in their life, the 45-year-old person who is going through a tough period and wants to find their light again, or the 67-year-old retired person who doesn’t know how to relax and feel happy after years of hard work in life.

Who would I recommend The How of Happiness to?

Read our summary of The How of Happiness to discover science-backed strategies to become happier, including "the 40% rule" and others.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

meditation

Meditation

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

The How of Happiness Summary

Use These 7 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health in 2023:
<ol>
<li>Make relaxation a routine</li>
<li>Practice gratitude</li>
<li>Value social interaction</li>
<li>Take care of your physical health</li>
<li>Monitor your social media intake</li>
<li>Journal your feelings</li>
<li>Make yourself laugh</li>
</ol>

Simple mental health habits to boost your mental health:

Very few things in life are promised. Times of stress are, unfortunately, one of them. There will be times when you feel overwhelmed or stressed out. However, you can control how you respond to the strain by implementing relaxation techniques into your daily routine.
Meditation is a popular way to relax as it can help reach a state of calm, decrease stress and improve your mood. Some people even use music to guide them through their meditation sessions. If meditation isn't your thing, deep breathing, reading or taking a bubble bath are also popular techniques to relax.

1. Make relaxation a routine

Including gratitude in your life is a way to create a positive outlook on your life. More than that, it has tangible benefits for your mental health, including reducing stress, lessening depression symptoms and boosting your mood.
Gratitude is a simple concept, but sometimes difficult to keep up with. In 2023, take time for self-reflection and share your gratitude with the people around you. If you like to journal, regularly write down a list of things you're grateful for.

2. Practice gratitude

<ul>
<li>Sharing our time with others is sometimes just what we need to boost our mood or change our perspective on things. </li>
<li>By making time for friends and family, you will decrease feelings of loneliness and ensure you have an emotional support system at your fingertips. If you can't regularly meet in person, text messages and zoom calls are all meaningful ways to connect with others without actually seeing each other. </li>
<li>Boundaries are an essential part of mental health that help you from pushing yourself too far. Feel empowered to say no or move plans around when your body tells you to.</li>
</ul>

3. Value social interaction

Mental health is directly tied to physical health - one cannot flourish without the other. The three main areas to target are:
<ul>
<li>Sleep: If you don't get enough sleep, your brain doesn't have the chance to rest and recover.</li>
<li>Food and hydration: Giving your body the nutrients and hydration it needs to function is another essential part of mental health. In addition to eating well-balanced meals, try adding foods to your diet that boost happiness.</li>
<li>Exercise: Being active is another way to boost your mood and make you feel good. Adding exercise to your routine gives you a chance to bond with others, reduce anxiety and boost your confidence.</li>
</ul>

4. Take care of your physical health

Our phones are our lifelines. Most of the time, they're beside us, keeping us connected to the outside world through calls, texts and social media. 
The hours spent scrolling through social media, comparing ourselves to the snapshot of perfection people post, can seriously impact our self-view and stain our mental health. 
Constant social media use has been linked to worsened anxiety and depression symptoms, feelings of inadequacy and unhealthy sleeping habits.

5. Monitor your social media intake

Journaling is a powerful tool to cope with mental health disorders by working through emotions and channeling thoughts. 
A 2018 study found that journaling for 15 minutes each day significantly reduced stress and feelings of anxiety. Other research has linked it to helping work through PTSD symptoms or depression.

6. Journal your feelings

Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine:
<ul>
<li>When you're feeling stressed or down, do things that will make you laugh to reduce anxiety and stress. </li>
<li>Watch your favorite TV show or movie to give your mood a boost. Or find the source within yourself. </li>
<li>Sing while you're in the shower </li>
<li>Dance while cleaning your home. Dancing reduces the stress hormone cortisol in the body.</li>
</ul>

7. Make yourself laugh

Improving your mental health is a journey; it doesn't happen overnight. You can make lasting tweaks to your well-being by intentionally adding habits to your routine.

For overall well being and balanced mental equilibrium, it is necessary to work on your habits to keep you in shape mentally

Aiming for healthy daily habits this year will improve your mental health.

mindfulness

Mindfulness

health

Health

7 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health in 2023

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Hormones are chemicals produced by different glands across your body. </li><li class="ql-align-justify">They travel through the bloodstream, acting as messengers and playing a part in many bodily processes.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Certain hormones are known to help promote positive feelings, including happiness and pleasure. These are referred to as the "Happy Hormones".</li></ul>

What Are Hormones?

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Dopamine: “Feel-good” hormone, a neurotransmitter - important part of brain’s reward system - associated with pleasurable sensations, learning, memory.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Serotonin: Help regulate mood, sleep, appetite, digestion, learning ability, memory.</li></ol><ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Oxytocin: “<a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/love-hormone">Love hormone</a>”, essential for childbirth, breastfeeding & strong parent-child bonding, promote trust, empathy & bonding in relationships.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Endorphins: Body’s natural pain reliever, produced in response to stress or discomfort. Levels may also increase when engage in reward-producing activities such as eating, working out or having sex.</li></ul>

What Are Happy Hormones 

<ul><li>Spend time outdoors, <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight">in sunlight</a>. </li><li>According to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306987716303966">research </a>, exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from the sun can increase the production of serotonin.</li><li>You can try spending about 15 minutes outside a few times a week. Try exploring a new neighborhood or park if you’re tired of the same old sights. </li><li>Just be aware that UV exposure can also increase the risk of <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/skin-cancer">skin cancer</a>, so don’t forget <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/beauty-skin-care/sunscreen-guide">sunscreen</a>. </li></ul>

How to Boost Your Serotonin Level? 

<ul><li>Exercise has multiple physical <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-benefits-of-exercise">health benefits</a>. It can also have a positive impact on emotional well-being.</li><li>If you’ve heard of a “<a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/runners-high">runner’s high </a>,” you might already know about the link between exercise and endorphin release.</li><li>But exercise doesn’t just work on endorphins. Regular physical activity can also increase your dopamine and serotonin levels, making it a great option to boost your happy hormones.</li></ul>

Physical Exercise As Happy Hormones Booster

To see even more benefits from exercise:<ul><li>Include a few friends : A small <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/10/171030092917.htm">2017 study </a>of medical students found evidence to suggest group exercise offers more significant benefits than solo exercise.</li><li>Get some sun : Move your workout outdoors to maximize your serotonin boost.</li><li>Time it : Aim for at least 30 minutes of <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness-exercise/aerobic-exercise-examples">aerobic exercise </a>at a time. Any amount of physical activity has health benefits, but <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35195103/">research </a> associates higher-intensity workouts with a greater release of endorphins.</li></ul>Laughter can help relieve feelings of <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety">anxiety</a> or stress, and improve mood by boosting dopamine and endorphin levels.

Maximize your workout

<ul><li>Social laughter triggered endorphin release. <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/">Research </a></li><li>So, share that funny video, dust off your joke book, or watch a comedy special with a friend or partner.</li><li>An added bonus? Bonding over something hilarious with a loved one might even trigger oxytocin release.</li><li>This tip could — in theory — boost all four of your happy hormones.</li></ul>

Add More Social Laughter

The enjoyment you get from eating something delicious can trigger the release of dopamine & endorphins. <ul><li>Sharing the meal with someone you love, and bonding over meal preparation, can boost oxytocin levels.</li></ul>Certain food can also have an impact on hormone levels :<ul><li>spicy foods may trigger endorphin release,</li><li>yogurt, beans, eggs, meats with low-fat content, and almonds are linked to dopamine release,</li><li>foods high in tryptophan have been linked to increased serotonin levels,</li><li>foods containing probiotics such as yogurt, kimchi & sauerkraut, can influence the release of happy hormones</li></ul>

Eat Your Way To Happiness 

<ul><li>Music can give more than one of your happy hormones a boost.</li><li>Listening to instrumental music, especially music that gives you chills, can <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1811878116">increase </a>dopamine production in your brain.</li><li>But if you enjoy music, simply listening to any music you enjoy may help put you in a good mood. This positive change in your mood can increase serotonin production.</li><li>You may also experience an endorphin release while performing music, especially in a large group. </li></ul>

Listen To, Or Perform Music

To get started with meditation:<ul><li>Choose a quiet, comfortable place to sit.</li><li>Get comfortable, whether that’s standing, sitting, or lying down.</li><li>Let all your thoughts — positive or negative — rise and pass you by.</li><li>As thoughts come up, try not to judge them, cling to them, or push them away. Simply acknowledge them.</li></ul>Start out by doing this for 5 minutes and work your way up to longer sessions over time.If you’re familiar with <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-benefits-of-meditation">meditation</a>, you might already know of its many wellness benefits — from improving sleep to reducing stress.

Meditate Your Way To Happiness 

<ul><li>Oxytocin’s reputation as the “love hormone” is well earned.</li><li>Simply being attracted to someone can lead to the production of oxytocin. But physical affection, including kissing, <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits">cuddling </a>, or having sex, <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone">also contributes </a>to increased oxytocin production.</li><li>Just spending time with someone you care about can also help boost oxytocin production. This can help increase closeness and positive relationship feelings, making you feel happy, blissful, or even euphoric.</li><li>If you really want to feel those happy hormones, note that dancing & sex lead to endorphin release, while orgasm triggers dopamine release<warningtag>.</warningtag></li></ul>

Boost Your Love Hormone! 

<ul><li>If you have a dog, giving your furry friend some affection is a great way to boost oxytocin levels for you and your dog. </li><li>Dog owners as well as their dogs see an increase in oxytocin when interacting.</li><li>Even if you don’t own a dog, you might also experience an oxytocin boost when you see a dog you know and like. If you’re a dog lover, this might happen when you get a chance to pet any dog at all.</li><li>So, find your favorite canine and give it a good ear scratch or lap cuddle.</li></ul>

Furry Friends Affection

<ul><li>Not getting enough <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-reasons-why-good-sleep-is-important">quality sleep</a> can affect your health in multiple ways.</li><li>Setting aside <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-much-sleep-you-need">7 to 9 hours</a> each night for sleep can help restore the balance of hormones in your body, which will likely help you feel better.</li></ul>If you find it difficult to get a good night’s sleep, try:<ul><li>going to bed and getting up around the same time every day, </li><li>creating a quiet, restful sleeping environment (try reducing light, noise, and screens), </li><li>decreasing <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/what-is-caffeine">caffeine</a> intake, especially in the afternoon and evening</li></ul>

Quality Sleep Is Important 

It’s normal to experience some <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/stress">stress </a>from time to time. <ul><li>But living with regular stress or dealing with highly stressful life events can cause drops in dopamine and serotonin production. </li><li>This can negatively affect your health and mood, making it harder to deal with stress.</li></ul>If you’re under a lot of stress, the <a href="https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/manage-stress">American Psychological Association </a>recommends:<ul><li>taking a brief break from the source of stress</li><li>laughter</li><li>taking 20 minutes for a walk, run, bike ride, or other <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/heart-disease/exercise-stress-relief">physical activity </a></li><li>meditation</li><li>social interaction</li></ul>

Reduce Stress

If you enjoy a <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/types-of-massage">massage</a>, here’s one more reason to get one: <ul><li>massage can boost all four of your happy hormones.</li></ul>

Massage

<ul><li>When dopamine is released in large amounts, it creates feelings of pleasure and reward, which motivate you to repeat a specific behavior. </li><li>In contrast, low levels of dopamine are linked to reduced motivation and decreased enthusiasm for things that would excite most people. </li></ul>Hence, it benefits us productively too when our happy hormones are high.

Feelings of Pleasure and Reward Motivates Repetition 

Boosting our happy hormones keep us healthy and productive. ❤️

Certain hormones may help you feel happier. We'll break down what they are and how to increase them naturally.

Happy Hormones: What They Are and How to Boost Them

Whether you are craving salty chips, sweet gummies, or something else, your desire for that specific flavor or food is likely triggered by either a physical or an emotional factor. Knowing what is causing your craving can empower you to know what to do about them. Ahead, five types of food cravings and what exactly they may be telling you.

What Is Food Craving?

If your inner chocoholic is paying you a visit, your body could be in need of a mood boost.  Since chocolate consumption is linked to <a href="https://pubs.acs.org/doi/full/10.1021/pr900607v">improved feelings of calmness and contentment </a>, that chocolate craving can mean so much more than just needing something sweet.  If you are a female, craving chocolate may also be a sign that you are close to getting your period. Changes in hormones during the premenstrual phase can trigger <a href="https://cpb-us-w2.wpmucdn.com/web.sas.upenn.edu/dist/7/206/files/2016/09/ChocCraveMenopause_App_2009-280jt6p.pdf">blood sugars to dip </a>, resulting in certain cravings. A chocolate craving can simply mean you are close to that time of the month.

Why Chocolate Craving?

While chocolate does offer some nutritional benefit — like being a natural source of magnesium — certain varieties can be loaded with sugar. When tackling the chocolate attack, choose a small serving of dark chocolate or add some natural cacao powder to your smoothie instead of downing a king-size candy bar.

Solution To Chocolate Craving

According to data published in the journal <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8697046/">Obesity Research </a>, larger amounts of carbohydrates consumed is linked to higher levels of serotonin (the happy, feel-good hormone). In other words, your body may need that serotonin boost and knows it will happen after you enjoy that extra-large soft pretzel, loaf of bread or an endless bowl of pasta.

Why Carbohydrate Craving?

If you find yourself craving carbs more often than normal, ask yourself how you are feeling emotionally. What you may actually be craving is a mood boost, which can be accomplished in a healthy way with a sweaty exercise sesh or a chat with a good friend.

Solution To Carbohydrate Craving?

If you have a “salt tooth” instead of a “sugar tooth,” you may be <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3966472/">suffering from an iron deficiency </a>. Iron is an important mineral that plays a role in blood cell production and other important bodily functions. Having a deficiency means that you don’t have enough iron in your body, and you can feel tired and weak. Another cause of salt cravings is good old fashioned dehydration. When you crave salt, your body may be telling you that it needs to restore balance and replenish electrolytes.

Why Salt Craving?

The first step to learning whether you have an iron deficiency is to have your health care provider check your levels. Before you reach for the salt shaker, hydrate yourself first to see if that tames the craving.

Solution To Salt Craving

Sugar cravings are quite common and can strike at any time of the day. If you find yourself reaching for the candy drawer more frequently, it may mean that you are <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24879886/">tired, stressed, or hungry </a>. Essentially, your body is craving sugar for the energy boost.

Why Sugar Craving?

Before you down that box of gummy snacks, recognize if you skipped breakfast this morning, didn’t sleep well, or are experiencing stress in your life. If you say yes to any of these questions, your sugar craving may be telling you that you need to tackle one (or more) of these factors. Go to bed a bit early, have a healthy snack, or incorporate some yoga into your daily life. Your body will thank you for it.

Solution To Sugar Craving

Whether it is melted on a slice of pizza or enjoyed on top of a cracker, cheese is a commonly craved food for many.   If you are craving that ooey goodness, your body may simply be craving some comfort. Since dishes like mac and cheese and grilled cheese are the ultimate comfort food, you may associate the “warm and fuzzies” with these goodies.

Why Cheese Craving?

Cheese and comfort go beyond nostalgic reasons. All varieties contain the amino acid tryptophan, which aids in the production of melatonin and serotonin to help us feel more relaxed or sleepy. A <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728667/">study </a>published in 2016 brought to the forefront that lower levels of tryptophan were linked to a depressed state. So, a boost of tryptophan may mean a more relaxed and better rested self!

Solution To Cheese Craving

Cravings can come out of left field. Some are completely random, and others can be a great indicator of bigger things going on in your body. Understanding why you are craving foods can help you navigate your health more mindfully.

Learn From Your Cravings To Improve Your Health

Food cravings can appear when you least expect them. But, the types of food cravings you may have may be telling you something.

food

Food

exerciseandfitness

Exercise & Fitness

5 Types of Food Cravings Decoded By an RD

<ul><li>You become what you think about all day long.</li><li>The life of wisdom is a life of reason.</li><li>We should question the source of our beliefs, not the belief itself. Because most of our beliefs are based on our or other people’s perception.</li><li>Thoughts should serve a useful purpose. If they don’t, they’re useless. That’s straight thinking.</li><li>The quality of our thoughts determines the quality of our lives. And our decisions are a result of our thoughts.</li></ul>

Straight Thinking 💭 

<ul><li>......Ask yourself : “Will the outcome of a decision change the way I live?” If you ask that yourself consistently, you’ll find that you automatically filter out useless information and only make decisions that have an actual impact on the outcome of your life.</li><li>It’s better to be aware of your thoughts and decide what you will ignore, and what you will give importance to.</li></ul>

When faced with decisions,

<ul><li>If you want the dots to connect in the future, you have to make sure you form dots in your brain. The only way you form dots is by learning, doing, making mistakes, reflecting, or anything you can do to feed your brain with the input it needs to give you the output you want.</li><li>Only think about things you can control. That automatically eliminates about 99% of your thoughts because there’s very little you control in life.</li></ul>

Connect the dots

<ul><li>Also, if everyone is doing one thing, that often means you shouldn’t. All you need to do, is to take a break, rejuvenate, and let your mind recover.</li><li>“Conquer yourself rather than the world.”</li><li>Remember: Money is a replaceable resource. When you’re out of it, you can earn it back. You can’t say the same for time.</li></ul>

Action >Thinking

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.”

I know something about you without knowing you. I bet you spend A LOT of time in your head. You know, thinking, worrying, stressing, freaking out -- call it whatever you want. I call it a preoccupied mind. And with what? 99% of your thoughts are useless. William James, once the leading psychologist in America, and one of the founders of the philosophical school of pragmatism, put it best: "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." Pragmatism believes that the mind is a tool. Your mind should work for you, not against you. People who don't master their mind, don't believe it's possible. They say: "I can't help but thinking these things." Well, you can TAKE CONTROL of your mind with enough practice. I've done it. And in THINK STRAIGHT, I share exactly how. It's a quick read and you can use it to immediately to improve your thinking. You have the ability to decide what you think. Or, you can choose NOT to think. And that is one of the most important and most practical things you can learn in life. Before I learned that skill, I would spend hours and hours inside my head. Just think about how much you think. - "I wonder what my boss thinks?" - "What happens if I screw up and lose my job?" - "What if my business never takes off?" - "Does she love me?" - "Why does my life suck?" - "What if I get cancer?" - "I can't finish anything. What's wrong with me? And the list goes on. THINK STRAIGHT reveals the recipe for taking control of your mind so you can improve your life, career, relationships, business. I wrote this little book in a way that you can read it more than once. And I hope that this book serves as an anchor to you--especially during trying times. The mind is the most powerful tool on earth. Change the way you think. And you'll change your life.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

problemsolving

Problem Solving

I know something about you without knowing you. I bet you spend A LOT of time in your head. You know, thinking, worrying, stressing, freaking out -- call it whatever you want. I call it a preoccupied mind. And with what?99% of your thoughts are useless. William James, once the leading psychologist in America, and one of the founders of the philosophical school of pragmatism, put it best:"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."Pragmatism believes that the mind is a tool. Your mind should work for you, not against you. People who don't master their mind, don't believe it's possible.They say: "I can't help but thinking these things."Well, you can TAKE CONTROL of your mind with enough practice. I've done it. And in THINK STRAIGHT, I share exactly how. It's a quick read and you can use it to immediately to improve your thinking.You have the ability to decide what you think. Or, you can choose NOT to think.And that is one of the most important and most practical things you can learn in life. Before I learned that skill, I would spend hours and hours inside my head.Just think about how much you think.- "I wonder what my boss thinks?"- "What happens if I screw up and lose my job?"- "What if my business never takes off?"- "Does she love me?"- "Why does my life suck?"- "What if I get cancer?"- "I can't finish anything. What's wrong with me?And the list goes on.THINK STRAIGHT reveals the recipe for taking control of your mind so you can improve your life, career, relationships, business.I wrote this little book in a way that you can read it more than once. And I hope that this book serves as an anchor to you--especially during trying times.The mind is the most powerful tool on earth. Change the way you think. And you'll change your life.

Darius Foroux (pronounced as Da-reeus Fo-roo) is the author of 7 books, and the creator of 6 online courses. He writes about productivity, business, and wealth building. His ideas and work have been featured in TIME, NBC, Fast Company, Inc., Observer, and many more publications. Until now, more than 30 million people have read his articles.

Darius Foroux

THINK STRAIGHT: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

Think Straight

<ul><li>Insufficient self-control schema is the experience of states of impulsiveness, usually related to several compulsive behaviors. </li><li>If it’s tough for you to moderate or control your impulses around pleasure, you may have an insufficient self-control schema.  </li><li>Schema therapy defines the schema as originating in childhood attachment experience as a reaction to negative emotions. </li> </ul>

Key Points 

Insufficient <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-control">self-control </a>schema, outlined originally by Jeffrey Young, is the experience of states of impulsiveness, usually related to behaviors such as <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/eating-disorders">disordered eating </a>, substance use, excessive <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/internet-addiction">screen time </a>, shopping, and avoiding unpleasant, strenuous, or <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/boredom">boring </a>tasks. Schema <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy">therapy </a>defines the schema as originating in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/child-development">childhood </a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment">attachment </a>experience as a reaction to negative emotions; and is not to be confused with <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adhd">ADHD </a>, though the two conditions can co-exist, and not in its origin an effect of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/dopamine">dopamine </a>imbalance or <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/addiction">addiction </a>, though it may lead to them.

You may notice this voice in your head, especially around the holidays, with so much celebration and abundance of food, drink, and temptation (or the excuse to be tempted). If it’s tough for you to moderate or control your impulses around pleasure, you may have an insufficient self-control schema . You may have a hard time managing this impulsive part; it can be stronger and louder than any more responsible voice and just takes over. Some people call it "getting a case of the f*ck-its." How do you negotiate with "f*ck it"?

“I don’t want to stop, so I’m not going to. I don’t care what you say!”

This impulsive voice may be powered by needs that originate in childhood. If that feeling could talk, it would say something like: “I’ve been through too much, was treated poorly, and it’s unfair! So I deserve to do whatever I want to right now. I don’t care about the consequences! I need this to feel better, and I’m tired of going without it. I’ll just take care of myself and forget everyone else.”

You likely don’t experience this schema all the time. Certain life experiences may trigger it, however. Around the holidays, the schema may be looking for chances to pounce. You’ll know you’re in it if you have an <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-talk">inner voice </a>that sounds like an impulsive child and you see the following behaviors: <ol><li>Need for immediate gratification in food or substances </li><li>Avoiding hard or boring tasks </li><li>Acting out in relationships, pouting </li><li>Refusing to consider consequences </li> </ol>

Four Insufficient Self-Control Behaviors

From birth, human beings are motivated to find relief from suffering, starting with the physical needs of safety, food, and comfort. As they mature, people experience emotional needs–especially the need for love, acceptance, and care–more acutely. If a child is in a situation of neglect or seriously flawed <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/parenting">parenting </a>, they may turn back to physical needs to try and feel security and comfort. Very often, this is food, but it can also be avoiding schoolwork and chores–just generally being self-indulgent.

Insufficient Self-Control Schema Originates in Childhood Emotional Hardship

Childhood experiences leading to insufficient self-control may include: <ol><li>Not feeling safe in your environment </li><li>Disorganized or harsh parental authority/structure </li><li>Overly permissive parents </li><li>Emotionally detached parents </li><li>Parents with addiction </li><li>Childhood <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma">trauma </a> </li> </ol>

The most effective way to manage impulse control problems is by preventing them from getting triggered in the first place. Think of it like this: you are a competent adult who is also carrying an impulsive child within. That child may be triggered by certain emotion-based troubles, like feeling neglected, treated unfairly, or hurt. Once that triggering happens, you have an upset child on your hands who won’t be happy until they get gratification.

Strategies for Coping with Insufficient Self-Control

So your job is to try and get to know that inner child, know what upsets them, and try to avoid their triggers. When triggers do happen, have some non-problematic forms of gratification at hand.

<ol><li>Structure, structure, structure. To avoid triggers, plan ahead, anticipating challenges that trigger the inner child. Are you having a long day? Demanding a lot of yourself? Plan little treats or breaks throughout the day. Think of them as micro-dosing of self-care.</li><li>Avoid opportunities for the child to act out. If you know someone’s bringing donuts to the office, go for a walk until the coast is clear.</li></ol>

Six Ways to Manage Your Impulsive Inner Child

3. Care for your inner child using self-talk and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/meditation">meditation </a>. Start with small steps: just a few minutes of meditation a day. As you work your way up to longer meditation periods, you’ll notice that impulsive child trying to come out. ("Come on! This is stupid! It’s been long enough!”) Spend quality time with your inner child, explaining that you understand they are hurt and upset and that you'll take good care of them, and your way will help them more than acting out. Have patience and kindness, but be firm.

4. Develop a toolbox of healthy forms of gratification . Keep some kind of healthy snack at hand. Have a simple meditation practiced. Text a “buddy” who will help you cope. Have a music playlist for “emergencies.” Write a note to your triggered self to keep handy for later use when triggered.

5. Set <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/motivation">goals </a>, use a planner, and use smartphone notifications. If you’re going to a party, tell yourself you’ll stick to one kind of drink, and have a cut-off time in mind, then switch to seltzer with lime–whatever you like, but have that alternative planned. Use a planner to structure your time, so you don’t stumble into triggering experiences. Use your notifications and alerts for pop-up reminders.

6. Recover and keep going. We are not perfect, and we cause more trouble when we expect ourselves to be. Be OK with the fact that there will be times when that impulsive kid is unstoppable! Remember, they come out of an original context of a child trying to care for themself. Be compassionate with them, and allow yourself to recover from the acting out. Just get back to it when you can. <a href="https://www.self-talk-therapy.com/my-book"> </a>

Insufficient self-control is not necessarily an addiction, though people with addiction issues may also have this schema. If you feel you may have an addiction issue, consult a mental health professional, or <a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline">get help 24/7 by going here </a>.

Is This Addiction?

6 Signs Your Self-Control Issues Come From Childhood Neglect 

Plus six steps you can take to successfully cope.

parenting

Parenting

6 Signs Your Self-Control Issues Come From Childhood Neglect

IIsolation can provide a distraction-free environment, allowing individuals to focus on their work or personal projects more efficiently.

Increased Focus And Productivity 

Being alone can provide an opportunity to reflect on one's thoughts and feelings, leading to increased self-awareness and personal growth.

Personal Growth And Self-discovery

Without external distractions, people may have more time and mental space to come up with new ideas and solutions.

Creativity And Innovation 

Isolation can provide a chance to relax and recharge, leading to improved physical and mental well-being

Improved Mental And Physical Health 

Isolation is the path to self discovery and understanding life. 

Only Through Isolation We Reach Elevation 

Find 100+ Mental Health Tips & Facts - Curated from sources like Books, Podcasts, Articles - Insights by Real Users looking to share Insights on Mental Health

How To Choose A Partner Wisely

The How of Happiness Summary

7 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health in 2023

Happy Hormones: What They Are and How to Boost Them

5 Types of Food Cravings Decoded By an RD

Think Straight

6 Signs Your Self-Control Issues Come From Childhood Neglect

Only Through Isolation We Reach Elevation

The Book Of Joy Summary

The Story of the Farmer and the Donkey

It's time to
Read like a Pro.

How To Choose A Partner Wisely

The How of Happiness Summary

7 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health in 2023

Happy Hormones: What They Are and How to Boost Them

5 Types of Food Cravings Decoded By an RD

Think Straight

6 Signs Your Self-Control Issues Come From Childhood Neglect

Only Through Isolation We Reach Elevation

The Book Of Joy Summary

The Story of the Farmer and the Donkey

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.