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The benefits of slowing down and enjoying simple pleasures
How To Say 'No'
Are you having a hard time saying 'no' to things that you either didn’t want to do, or truly couldn’t doSo you either say 'yes' and end up feeling miserable for being a pushover; or you say 'no' and feel guilty about it.
How do you say 'no' and not feel bad about saying it.
First, understand why you feel bad turning someone down.
- Saying no may feel like you're rejecting the person
- You may feel like the bad guy and feel guilty
- People pleasing
- You may feel you won't be liked or will be perceived as cold and uncaring.
- If you do say no, you suck at it that it comes with so many excuses
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So How Do You effectively say 'No'
1. Just Say it.
Just come out and say it. Beating around the bush or offering weak excuses will only give the other person a chance to insist. It will be tempting to follow up your no with excuses when you're uncomfortable,but resist the urge. You may only give a brief explanation if you feel you need to let the other person know.
2. Be polite but assertive
Use an approach that's polite but puts you in charge
You can say, "I'm sorry I can't right now but I'll let you know when and if I can." By changing the dynamic you're telling people that only you can decide if and when it will happen.
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3. Be wary of other people's tactics to get you to say 'yes'.
Many people and organizations use manipulation techniques, knowingly or unknowingly: insurance, cable subscriptions etc
4. Take the time to evaluate and understand your role in the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't feel as worried about the consequences and you would be able to find the best way to say no.
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5. Put the question back on the person asking.
This is very effective in a work situation. When a supervisor asks you to take on more than you can handle. You can say, "I'm happy to do task X, Y, and Z; however, I would need 3 weeks, rather than 2 to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"
6. Do yourself a favor. Be firm and know their true colors
If someone can't accept your 'no', take a hint and know that that person is probably not a true friend or doesn't respect you enough that they would put their needs before yours. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in.
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7. Identify YOUR own 'YES'
When you say 'yes' to something you’re saying 'no' to something else
identify the things in your life that you value most so when something comes along, you are more likely to honor the things most important to you and say 'no' to everything else.
For example:
My priorities:
- Time for myself — sleep, watching tv shows that light me up
- Time with my husband and 2 cats— travels, eating together, doing nothing together
- Getting my business up and running
Being a pushover and saying yes to whatever other people ask me to do will leave me saying no to myself and my priorities.
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8. Add some good vibes if you still find it hard to say no
It would take time to totally shake off the habit. Instead of saying 'no' right off the bat, it might be a lot easier to lead with good vibes or sandwich the 'no' between 2 good vibes.
Leading with good vibes:
“I would love to go to the movies with you guys but I can’t tonight.”
The good vibes sandwhich
(good vibes 1) I would love to go to the party with you guys
(The 'No') but I can’t tonight (the 'No')
(Good vibes 2) I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (good vibes)
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Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier
The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no and to keep doing it. It gets easier over time.
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CURATED BY
Jack of all people-related trades, master of none. Majored in Psychology, Customer Service Assoc for a few Years, HR Officer for 4, Manager and ESL Teacher for over 11 yrs now, an artist since birth.
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