Are you having a hard time saying 'no' to things that you either didn’t want to do, or truly couldn’t doSo you either say 'yes' and end up feeling miserable for being a pushover; or you say 'no' and feel guilty about it.How do you say 'no' and not feel bad about saying it. First, understand why you feel bad turning someone down.<ul><li>Saying no may feel like you're rejecting the person</li><li>You may feel like the bad guy and feel guilty</li><li>People pleasing</li><li>You may feel you won't be liked or will be perceived as cold and uncaring. </li><li>If you do say no, you suck at it that it comes with so many excuses</li></ul>

How To Say 'No'

1. Just Say it.Just come out and say it. Beating around the bush or offering weak excuses will only give the other person a chance to insist. It will be tempting to follow up your no with excuses when you're uncomfortable,but resist the urge. You may only give a brief explanation if you feel you need to let the other person know. 2. Be polite but assertiveUse an approach that's polite but puts you in chargeYou can say, "I'm sorry I can't right now but I'll let you know when and if I can." By changing the dynamic you're telling people that only you can decide if and when it will happen.

So How Do You effectively say  'No'

3. Be wary of other people's tactics to get you to say 'yes'.Many people and organizations use manipulation techniques, knowingly or unknowingly: insurance, cable subscriptions etc4. Take the time to evaluate and understand your role in the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't feel as worried about the consequences and you would be able to find the best way to say no.

5. Put the question back on the person asking.This is very effective in a work situation. When a supervisor asks you to take on more than you can handle. You can say, "I'm happy to do task X, Y, and Z; however, I would need 3 weeks, rather than 2 to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"6. Do yourself a favor. Be firm and know their true colorsIf someone can't accept your 'no', take a hint and know that that person is probably not a true friend or doesn't respect you enough that they would put their needs before yours. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in.

7. Identify YOUR own 'YES'When you say 'yes' to something you’re saying 'no' to something elseidentify the things in your life that you value most so when something comes along, you are more likely to honor the things most important to you and say 'no' to everything else. For example: My priorities:<ul><li>Time for myself — sleep, watching tv shows that light me up</li><li>Time with my husband and 2 cats— travels, eating together, doing nothing together</li><li>Getting my business up and running</li></ul>Being a pushover and saying yes to whatever other people ask me to do will leave me saying no to myself and my priorities.

8. Add some good vibes if you still find it hard to say noIt would take time to totally shake off the habit. Instead of saying 'no' right off the bat, it might be a lot easier to lead with good vibes or sandwich the 'no' between 2 good vibes.Leading with good vibes:“I would love to go to the movies with you guys but I can’t tonight.” The good vibes sandwhich(good vibes 1) I would love to go to the party with you guys(The 'No') but I can’t tonight (the 'No')(Good vibes 2) I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (good vibes)

The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no and to keep doing it. It gets easier over time.

Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier

<time>February 10, 2021</time>Mama ain’t got time for that summary: Saying no starts with identifying your best yes and honoring it. The more you practice saying no the easier it will get — trying leading with a positive or sandwiching your no between two positives. It will be tempting to continue talking after you have said no (word vomit), bite your tongue!! When you do say no, celebrate your strength. YOU CAN DO THIS!**********Have you ever been in this sort of situation?You’re talking with another mom who has a kiddo the same age as yours, she excitedly says “we should get the kids together, what are you guys doing on Saturday?”You don’t have any set plans. Your plan was to do nothing at the house with your family. You were really looking forward to your no plan plan, but now it doesn’t feel legit enough to say no to this playdate.“Saturday might work” you respond. And suddenly the family time you planned on is gone. It’s not that you don’t want to have the playdate or that you don’t like that woman or her child. Even if she’s awesome and your little ones get along great, that doesn’t change the fact that your no plan plan is now full of plans.Ring a bell?Maybe it wasn’t a playdate. Maybe it was drinks after work with your coworkers or an impromptu dinner with family or friends. I’ve been in countless situations like this, haven’t we all? And I use to have a really hard time saying no to things that I either didn’t really want to do, or truly couldn’t prioritize. I would say yes anyways and dread it or completely overwhelm myself. If this sounds like you might resonate with the term people pleaser [raises hand].It’s through countless moments of dread and overwhelm that I decided it had to stop. I promised myself to learn to say no without explaining myself.<h2>Learn to say no without explaining yourself — it starts with identifying your YES!</h2>Have you ever heard that when you say yes to something you’re saying no to something else? The first time this clicked for me is when I read Lysa Terkeurst’s book, The Best Yes, and I’ve heard it many times after. My default is to say ‘yes’ to the opportunities that come my way. So saying no is something I have to make a conscious effort to do.I believe that’s called people pleasing. And I think people pleasing is something a lot of women battle with. I like to care and nurture, make sure everyone is feeling good, and get excited about things that others are excited about. But after a while I realized that saying yes to everything that comes my way often leaves me saying no to myself and my most important people.I was terrible at saying no before I had Hayes and I have come a long way, mostly by force. Because when you have a little one you can’t just do anything at any time so saying no just happens. But saying no (without explaining yourself) applies to everyone, not just new moms.Today, I’ve truly started to identify the things in my life that I value most and when an opportunity comes along, I am way more likely to honor the most important things in my life and say no to everything else. Plus, 2020 has also made this more clear, as the clutter was cleared and family time was front and center. Here are my top priorities:<UL><LI>Time for myself — sleep, working out, meditation, reading, working on my blog</LI><LI>Time with Jeff, Hayes and Nellie — adventuring, eating together, doing nothing together, church</LI><LI>Time with family — hanging out, dinner, celebrations, FaceTiming out of towners</LI><LI>Time with friends that light me up — calling out of town friends to catch up, bible study, grabbing a coffee, having a friend over for dinner, girls night out, celebrations</LI></UL>When I say yes to these things my heart feels full.IMPORTANT —&nbsp;What things make you feel on fire, that you should protect with all your might? Write them down, then rearrange them into priority order.<figure><img width="300" height="300" alt="" src="https://sydnord.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/subscribe-for-weekly-self-care-challenge-300x300.png"></figure><h2>How to start saying no? Well, think about the last time someone said no to you</h2>Before we get into the nitty gritty about how to start saying no. I’d like to arm you with this — when is the last time someone said “no” to you and you didn’t understand?[Thinking][Still thinking]I can’t think of the last time that happened to me.And that realization empowers me even more to honor my most important yes’s and say no to the rest.<h2>Saying no — it’s time!</h2>Have you ever heard the phrase, “no is a complete sentence”? I LOVE this concept. I also don’t think I would ever say “no” all by itself and feel true to me. I’m an optimist. I like to keep things positive. And I like people to feel loved and heard. For me, saying no is a balance of keeping it brief, but being true to myself.I am the most confident with my no when I lead with good vibes or sandwich my no between two good vibes. Let’s go back to the playdate example…<h3>Lead with good vibes</h3>Instead of saying “no” I might say “Aww, I love seeing our kiddos play together, but we can’t tonight.” (Leading with good vibes.)<h3>Good vibes sandwich</h3>Or instead of saying ‘no” I might say “Aww, I love seeing our kiddos play together, but we can’t tonight. I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (Sandwiching my no with good vibes.)<h3>Start saying no, it will get easier over time</h3>Saying no is a muscle and you have to practice to strengthen it. The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no. I have intentionally started to strengthen my say no muscle, and it’s truly gotten easier and easier. And what’s even more awesome? People are never upset with me for saying no and holding my boundaries. In fact I have found that they might even respect me more.So I thought through a lot of options, in fact, <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no" dir="ltr">100 ways to say no</a> that work in real life. They are all written in a way that I would actually say them, instead of something that seems right on the page, but would never work out loud. If you’re looking for something to help you practice your no and strengthen your no muscle, <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no" dir="ltr">gives a few of these a try</a>.<h2>Be courageous through discomfort</h2>It will be extremely tempting to follow up “No, I can’t tonight.” with “we haven’t spent much time as a family lately. My husband is going to make Thai food so the kids can try it. I really feel like I should get home early to help him and start spending time with everyone.”This is what I like to call word vomit. Are you familiar with word vomiting?I start to word vomit because my people pleasing insecurity is rising up and I’m uncomfortable. Explaining won’t make you feel any better about saying no. In fact, in my experience, I usually feel worse because I spend the next 10 minutes analyzing if it sounded legit (even though it is). And then I explain it to my husband later just to see if he thinks what I said was ok. Welcome to my brain.In <a href="https://amzn.to/2NGg7l4" dir="ltr">Dare to Lead</a>, Brene Brown says that during tough conversations, the discomfort only lasts for about 8 seconds and that we need to “choose courage over comfort”. 8 seconds, you guys!! It seems like a lifetime when you’re going through it, but bite your tongue and hold on tight. You can manage 8 seconds of discomfort, especially if it leads to your most important yes.<figure><img width="683" height="1024" alt="Learn to say no without explaining yourself, it takes courage. Choose courage over comfort." src="https://sydnord.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/choose-courage-over-comfort-brene-brown-683x1024.png"></figure><h2 dir="ltr">Offer the “can” or the “next time”. Only if you truly want to</h2>Maybe you have to say no, but you’d really like to prioritize it in future months. Or maybe you have to say no, but you have an idea of another way you can help that fits within your boundaries. Now is the time to say it.For me, this can be a slippery slope.My people pleaser self feels a lot better saying no when I can offer up a can or a next time, but that can or next time might just be delaying the no. If it is truly not something you want to do or help with now or in the future, just say no.<h2>Soak in how it feels to learn to say no without explaining yourself</h2>These are some of the feelings I have after I say no without explaining myself:Free. Powerful. Proud. At peace.These are the feelings that come up because every time I honor the most important things in my life, I build trust with myself. Every time I say no when I want to say no, and say yes when I want to say yes — I remind myself that my priorities are worth it.When you learn to say no without explaining yourself take a minute to soak up and take note of the feeling you have. I’m guessing you’ll want to feel that way again.<h2>Engage with your most important YES</h2>Once you’re done with all of the no’s. Enjoy your most important yes!I’ve notice that today we feel like we need to go-go-go, achieve-achieve-achieve, post-post-post, but busy doesn’t have to be the goal. I doubt any of us put busy as our most important yes.When you make time for your most important yes’s, be fully present and enjoy!p.s. if you missed them, here’s another link to <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no/" dir="ltr">100 ways to say no</a> so you can start practicing now!********

Learn to say no without explaining yourself. Check out the 7 steps to honoring your most important yes! Saying no isn't hard, it just takes practice.

Lifehacks

Mama ain’t got time for that summary: Saying no starts with identifying your best yes and honoring it. The more you practice saying no the easier it will get — trying leading with a positive or sandwiching your no between two positives. It will be tempting to continue talking after you have said no (word vomit), bite your tongue!! When you do say no, celebrate your strength . YOU CAN DO THIS!

Have you ever been in this sort of situation?

You’re talking with another mom who has a kiddo the same age as yours, she excitedly says “we should get the kids together, what are you guys doing on Saturday?”

You don’t have any set plans. Your plan was to do nothing at the house with your family. You were really looking forward to your no plan plan, but now it doesn’t feel legit enough to say no to this playdate.

“Saturday might work” you respond. And suddenly the family time you planned on is gone. It’s not that you don’t want to have the playdate or that you don’t like that woman or her child. Even if she’s awesome and your little ones get along great, that doesn’t change the fact that your no plan plan is now full of plans.

Maybe it wasn’t a playdate. Maybe it was drinks after work with your coworkers or an impromptu dinner with family or friends. I’ve been in countless situations like this, haven’t we all? And I use to have a really hard time saying no to things that I either didn’t really want to do, or truly couldn’t prioritize. I would say yes anyways and dread it or completely overwhelm myself. If this sounds like you might resonate with the term people pleaser [raises hand].

It’s through countless moments of dread and overwhelm that I decided it had to stop. I promised myself to learn to say no without explaining myself.

Learn to say no without explaining yourself — it starts with identifying your YES!

Have you ever heard that when you say yes to something you’re saying no to something else? The first time this clicked for me is when I read Lysa Terkeurst’s book, The Best Yes, and I’ve heard it many times after. My default is to say ‘yes’ to the opportunities that come my way. So saying no is something I have to make a conscious effort to do.

I believe that’s called people pleasing. And I think people pleasing is something a lot of women battle with. I like to care and nurture, make sure everyone is feeling good, and get excited about things that others are excited about. But after a while I realized that saying yes to everything that comes my way often leaves me saying no to myself and my most important people.

I was terrible at saying no before I had Hayes and I have come a long way, mostly by force. Because when you have a little one you can’t just do anything at any time so saying no just happens. But saying no (without explaining yourself) applies to everyone, not just new moms.

Today, I’ve truly started to identify the things in my life that I value most and when an opportunity comes along, I am way more likely to honor the most important things in my life and say no to everything else. Plus, 2020 has also made this more clear, as the clutter was cleared and family time was front and center.

<ul><li>Time for myself — sleep, working out, meditation, reading, working on my blog </li><li>Time with Jeff, Hayes and Nellie — adventuring, eating together, doing nothing together, church </li><li>Time with family — hanging out, dinner, celebrations, FaceTiming out of towners </li><li>Time with friends that light me up — calling out of town friends to catch up, bible study, grabbing a coffee, having a friend over for dinner, girls night out, celebrations </li> </ul>

When I say yes to these things my heart feels full.

IMPORTANT —  What things make you feel on fire, that you should protect with all your might? Write them down, then rearrange them into priority order.

How to start saying no? Well, think about the last time someone said no to you

Before we get into the nitty gritty about how to start saying no. I’d like to arm you with this — when is the last time someone said “no” to you and you didn’t understand?

I can’t think of the last time that happened to me.

And that realization empowers me even more to honor my most important yes’s and say no to the rest.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “no is a complete sentence”? I LOVE this concept. I also don’t think I would ever say “no” all by itself and feel true to me. I’m an optimist. I like to keep things positive. And I like people to feel loved and heard. For me, saying no is a balance of keeping it brief, but being true to myself.

I am the most confident with my no when I lead with good vibes or sandwich my no between two good vibes. Let’s go back to the playdate example…

Instead of saying “no” I might say “Aww, I love seeing our kiddos play together, but we can’t tonight.” (Leading with good vibes.)

Or instead of saying ‘no” I might say “Aww, I love seeing our kiddos play together, but we can’t tonight. I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (Sandwiching my no with good vibes.)

Start saying no, it will get easier over time

Saying no is a muscle and you have to practice to strengthen it. The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no. I have intentionally started to strengthen my say no muscle, and it’s truly gotten easier and easier. And what’s even more awesome? People are never upset with me for saying no and holding my boundaries. In fact I have found that they might even respect me more.

So I thought through a lot of options, in fact, <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no">100 ways to say no </a>that work in real life. They are all written in a way that I would actually say them, instead of something that seems right on the page, but would never work out loud. If you’re looking for something to help you practice your no and strengthen your no muscle, <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no">gives a few of these a try </a>.

It will be extremely tempting to follow up “No, I can’t tonight.” with “we haven’t spent much time as a family lately. My husband is going to make Thai food so the kids can try it. I really feel like I should get home early to help him and start spending time with everyone.”

This is what I like to call word vomit. Are you familiar with word vomiting?

I start to word vomit because my people pleasing insecurity is rising up and I’m uncomfortable. Explaining won’t make you feel any better about saying no. In fact, in my experience, I usually feel worse because I spend the next 10 minutes analyzing if it sounded legit (even though it is). And then I explain it to my husband later just to see if he thinks what I said was ok. Welcome to my brain.

In <a href="https://amzn.to/2NGg7l4">Dare to Lead </a>, Brene Brown says that during tough conversations, the discomfort only lasts for about 8 seconds and that we need to “choose courage over comfort”. 8 seconds, you guys!! It seems like a lifetime when you’re going through it, but bite your tongue and hold on tight. You can manage 8 seconds of discomfort, especially if it leads to your most important yes.

Offer the “can” or the “next time”.  Only if you truly want to

Maybe you have to say no, but you’d really like to prioritize it in future months. Or maybe you have to say no, but you have an idea of another way you can help that fits within your boundaries. Now is the time to say it.

For me, this can be a slippery slope.

My people pleaser self feels a lot better saying no when I can offer up a can or a next time, but that can or next time might just be delaying the no. If it is truly not something you want to do or help with now or in the future, just say no.

Soak in how it feels to learn to say no without explaining yourself

These are some of the feelings I have after I say no without explaining myself:

These are the feelings that come up because every time I honor the most important things in my life, I build trust with myself. Every time I say no when I want to say no, and say yes when I want to say yes — I remind myself that my priorities are worth it.

When you learn to say no without explaining yourself take a minute to soak up and take note of the feeling you have. I’m guessing you’ll want to feel that way again.

Once you’re done with all of the no’s. Enjoy your most important yes!

I’ve notice that today we feel like we need to go-go-go, achieve-achieve-achieve, post-post-post, but busy doesn’t have to be the goal. I doubt any of us put busy as our most important yes.

When you make time for your most important yes’s, be fully present and enjoy!

p.s. if you missed them, here’s another link to <a href="https://sydnord.com/100-ways-to-say-no/">100 ways to say no </a>so you can start practicing now!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

How to Say No, No Explaination

How To Say 'No'

So How Do You effectively say 'No'

Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier

IDEAS ABOUT

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How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

Eight Ways to Say No With Grace and Style

The Art Of Saying No: 4 Ways To Reclaim Your Time - Darius Foroux

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

How to Say No, No Explaination

How To Say 'No'

So How Do You effectively say 'No'

Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

Eight Ways to Say No With Grace and Style

The Art Of Saying No: 4 Ways To Reclaim Your Time - Darius Foroux

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career