Emotional Clarity: 6 Key Principles for Managing Your Emotions

Get used to the idea of emotional complexity. When we feel upset, we're not feeling one single emotion. We are usually experiencing a blend of many emotions.

Training ourselves to look for and see this emotional complexity is key to better understanding ourselves when we’re upset and moving on in a healthy way.

Practice distinguishing how you feel physically from how you feel emotionally. Because many negative emotional states develop out of a misinterpretation of a physical feeling.

It’s dangerous to assume that physical feelings and emotional feelings are always related. Sometimes a headache is just a headache.

Emotions don’t actually last very long. It’s in the nature of emotions to be intense but fleeting:

• If you feel upset emotionally, notice what the dominant emotion you’re feeling is.
• Rate the intensity of that emotion on a scale from 1 to 10.
• Set a timer on your phone for 3 minutes.
• Now go about whatever it is you were doing, trying your best not to think about that emotion.
• When the timer goes off, re-rate your emotion on a scale from 1 to 10.
• Repeat 2 more times.

We all tend to have a particular emotion that they’re especially afraid of and try to avoid.

Identifying your own personal emotional kryptonite is important because many of our bad decisions and ill-advised behaviors are actually the results of trying to avoid particularly uncomfortable emotions.

1. Label the emotion. When you notice yourself feeling badly emotionally, simply describe what the emotion is that you’re feeling (sad, anxious, frustrated, etc.).
2. Acknowledge the discomfort. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel that way even emotionally if it feels uncomfortable or painful.
3. Accept the emotion. Accept that the emotion is with you and that you can still proceed with life despite having that emotion.