How to Motivate Someone, Including Yourself

There are 3 psychological needs to satisfy:

• Autonomy (self-determination). We are motivated when we have a choice in terms of tasks, time, team, and technique.
• Competence (capability & effectiveness). When we strive toward something greater than ourselves, it demands effort.
• Affiliation needs (association & belonging). We are motivated to form long-lasting positive relationships.

External rewards do not work because we don't do rule-based routine tasks. Instead, we need to create environments where intrinsic motivation thrives, where we can gain satisfaction from the activities themselves.

• The need for closure. It motivates us to arrive at a stable conclusion.
• The need for cognition is our desire to understand experiences and things in our environment.
• The need for meaning motivates us to understand how we relate to our environment, especially after traumatic events.
• The need for power motivates us to want to be noticed and to desire to influence other people, to be in command, and to have high status.
• The need for self-esteem refers to how a person feels about the self.
• The need for achievements is guided by the motive to achieve success and to avoid failure.

If you change the contents of your thinking, then you change your motivational state. The same applies to other cognitive aspects like goals, mindset, values, perceived control, identity, etc.

Self-concept is learned and comes from how we represent our characteristics. We are motivated to change our behaviour in ways that confirm our self-view and avoid those that contradict. We also observe the behaviour of others that we may want to become. These possible selves become long-term goals that generate and sustain the motivation to develop toward the hoped-for ideal.

• Others can be motivated by giving feedback on changes in emotion, behaviour, and well-being.
• Praise can create positive emotions, while mastery programs can increase a sense of competence.
• Positive feedback, expressing gratitude and awe can be used to induce change.

Monitoring one's goal-setting progress increases our capacity to persevere with our long-term goals on our own. Self-control is the central part of the process of self-regulation and is essential for sustained motivation.

Our ability to suppress, restrain, and override a desire or temptation is quickly depleted when we pursue a long-term goal. We can increase our ability for self-control by good nutrition, training, experiencing a positive effect, and when our psychological needs are met.

Stress can impact our motivation. To cope with stressors involve planning, execution, and feedback.

• During planning, we analyze if a life-changing event is positive, negative, or irrelevant to our well-being. If it is a negative event, we find resources to manage the event.
• During execution, we determine how to cope with the stressor. When the stressor is low, reappraisal is a good strategy, but when the stress is very high, distraction is more effective.
• During feedback, we can use it to reappraise the stressor or to change coping and emotion regulation strategies.

• There are clear goals.
• Gain immediate feedback.
• Challenges need to be matched with personal skills.
• The task has to be challenging enough to require a person to employ their skills and promote concentration and engagement.
• Focused attention on the task at hand is essential.
• Perceived control of the situation.
• Loss of self-consciousness.

Intrinsic motivation and self-initiative are created by activities that are challenging, require skill, and have clear and immediate feedback.

Feedback, if done well, can leave people feeling motivated and positive:

• The power of expectations. Establish from the outset what the feedback is intended to accomplish as the person receiving the feedback owns their emotional reaction.
• The power of accuracy and specificity. Provide feedback on performance, not the person's character.
• Feedback is focused on the future. Discuss ways how to get there.
• Believing in the project. Your feedback highlights your personal investment
• The power of relationship. Use what you know about the person to give better feedback & keep them accountable.

We are motivated when we use goals that spell out in advance when, where, and how we will achieve it.

We plan beforehand how we are going to overcome possible problems. For example, if your goal is to eat less sugar, your implementation could be "When the dessert menu arrives, I will order coffee."

1. Integration of consciousness that allows for awareness
2. Bilateral integration happens when we reconcile our thinking & emotions
3. Vertical integration allows for creating a mind-body connection.
4. Memory integration focus on memories & how it affects our wellbeing
5. Narrative integration is how we find meaning
6. Mental state integration concerns itself with the need for being alone
7. Interpersonal integration is about how we relate to others.
8. Temporal integration is about thoughts about permanence & certainty.
9. Transpirational integration is about the expended sense of self.

Motivation is not enough. To encourage lasting change, we need reminders, repetition, and habits.

• Reminders: Schedule your gym times in your planner with your client meetings. Set out your running clothes the night before.
• Repetition: Regular reminders can create repetition, which is essential for lasting change. Track your progress on a visible chart.
• Habits: We form habits when we keep up our reminders and repetition, as the brain creates new pathways associated with a particular behaviour.

Some techniques to enhance motivation:

• Acknowledge what the person says to show that you're really listening.
• Clarifying can deepen mutual understanding.
• Validating a person's feelings is essential so they don't feel judged.
• Ask how he or she managed to overcome a similar situation.
• Help the person to reframe the situation.
• Celebrate their wins to increase positive emotions.
• Expose limiting beliefs by asking how true is that belief and how has it affected them.
• Consider the opposite view they currently hold 
• Assumptions are about why, if this happened in the past, must it happen again.