There are many reasons why it is a good idea to keep a journal. I want to share four big ones with you.<ol><li>Remember details</li><li> Find old friends</li><li>Help process feelings and ideas</li><li>Preserve the writer’s history</li></ol>

4 Advantages of Keeping a Journal

When I travelled to Europe in 1978 I kept a journal.There were several details of my trip, that I had completely forgotten until I re-read the journals.Recording the details of your life can enrich your stories.

1. Remember details

People who keep journals have life twice.

Keeping a journal can help you find old friends. One of the women I met on November 26th, 1978, wrote down her address. I found her on Facebook and just sent her a message. (Social media and Google can also help, but the journal did remind me of her name.)

2. Find old friends

When you keep thoughts in your head it can be hard to know how you think and feel. Writing down how you feel will help you process your emotions, as feelings become words, which can be then be edited.

3. Help process feelings and ideas

Writing is the only way I have to explain my own life to myself.

When you are dead and a famous writer, your journals will give your readers insight into how you thought and what your life was like.You may never sell more than one hundred copies of your book, you may never publish your writing, or your journals may only be read by the mice that crawl through your basement. Or your journals will be read by zombies after the zombie apocalypse, sharing insight into how you felt and thought.

4. Preserve the writer’s history

Now you know why journaling can be helpful. But how should you journal? It is very personal, and you should do what works best for you. But I will give you some tips to help you get started.<ol><li>Choose your kind of journal</li><li>Date your entry</li><li>Tell the truth</li><li>Write down details</li><li>Write down what you felt</li><li>Write a lot or a little</li></ol>

6 Tips for How to Write a Journal

You have several options for how to keep your journal.A book, where you write with a pen or pencil onto paper: Write in a book that is not so pretty you are afraid to write in it. Keep the size small enough you don’t mind carrying it in your messenger bag, and big enough you can read your handwriting. The advantage of paper is you can write without having to be plugged into an electronic device.The disadvantage to a paper journal is if you lose the journal and you didn’t make a copy of it, you have lost all of the writing.

1. Choose your kind of journal

Software: There are several software applications on the market you can use to journal. Be sure they sync to the cloud, as you don’t want to lose your entries because you fry your computer hard-drive.<a href="https://journey.cloud/">Journey</a> and <a href="https://dayoneapp.com/">Day One</a> can add photographs and text, and export all of your entries into a PDF. You can also journal in Microsoft Word or <a href="https://www.literatureandlatte.com/scrivener/overview">Scrivener</a> and save your files to a cloud-based program that will keep your files safe if you lose your computer or pour water on your keyboard.

You think you will remember when it happened, but without a written date, you might forget.

2. Date your entry

The journal is a record of how you felt and what you did. Telling the truth will make you a reliable storyteller.If you haven’t cleaned the seven litter boxes for a week, don’t write that you clean them every day simply because you want your readers one hundred years from now to think you had good habits.

3. Tell the truth

Record details like the time, location, who you were with, what you were wearing. Details will help bring the memory alive when you record using your five senses.To this day, if I smell a certain kind of Japanese soup, I can remember vividly the day I flew to Korea to renew my Japanese visa, only to discover the Japanese embassy was closed for a traditional Japanese holiday.

4. Write down details

What you were thinking? Were you mad? Sad? Happy? Write down why.

5. Write down what you felt

A journal entry doesn’t have to be three pages long. It can be a few words that describe what happened, a few sentences about the highlight of your day, or it can be a short description of an event from your day, where you describe details to help you remember what happened. Like, what time of day was it? What sound do you remember?Your journal entry might be a drawing, a poem, or a list of words or cities you drove through. It is your journal, and you have the freedom to be creative.

6. Write a lot or a little

There is no right or wrong time to write in a journal. Write when you will remember to do it. Do you always brush your teeth before you go to bed? Have writing in your journal be part of your bedtime routine. Perhaps put it on your bedside table, or beside your hammock, or on the floor beside your futon.If you are a morning person, consider keeping your journal on the table where you drink your morning coffee, tea, water, milk, or orange juice.These are only suggestions. You don’t have to write down your feelings or why you felt a certain way.

When to Journal

A journal is a diary of your life. Who you are, who you were with, and where you want to go.

As somebody who journals semi-regularly, I have seen its positive effects on my mental health. I hope this wonderful write-up by author Pamela Hodges helps others keep journals too. 

Many people wonder how to write a journal. This writer's clear tips will help you get started and encourage you to continue.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

writing

Reading & Writing

communication

Communication

How to Write a Journal: 6 Tips

Creative people across all genres have this reputation for being mentally unstable and undone by their gifts. Not knowing if you can top your great success is one of the most painful reconciliations in a creative life. Once artists produce a magnificent work, they are asked, "What if you'll never ascend to that height again? Then what will you do with the rest of your life?"

The impossible things we expect from creative geniuses

In ancient Greece and Rome, people did not believe that creativity came from human beings. It was believed to be a divine attendant spirit that came to humans. <ul><li>The Greeks called these attendant spirits of creativity "daemons." </li><li>The Romans called it a genius. Romans believed a genius was like a magical entity that lived in the walls of an artist's studio and invisibly helped the artist.</li></ul> This understanding helped the ancient artist protect himself from certain things, such as too much narcissism. If your work was brilliant (or terrible), you couldn't take all the credit for it.

Managing the inherent emotional risks of creativity

During the Renaissance, the individual was placed at the centre of the universe. People started to believe that creativity came only from the self, not from mystical creatures that took dictation from the divine. It is the first time in history that people refer to certain artists as a genius, rather than having a genius. Allowing someone to believe that they are the source of all divine, creative, eternal mystery is too much responsibility to put on one fragile human psyche. It's like asking somebody to swallow the sun. It creates unmanageable expectations about performance.

Believing creativity came from the self

The pressure of unmanageable expectations about performance is destroying artists. As an artist, you may be full of anguish if believe that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you. But if you believe that a genius was on loan to you from another unimaginable source for some portion of your life to be passed along when you're finished,  it changes how you feel. When you create, don't be daunted. Just do your job. Continue to show up for your piece of it and use the creative moment when it comes to you. Otherwise, keep on showing up.

Removing the pressure to outperform

Needing to feel motivated? Enjoy these inspirational Ted talks that will change your perspective and make your day better.

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Love & Relationships

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

7 Days of Inspiration 

Find an accurate transcript (and subtitles in 46 languages) on ted.com: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius/transcript?language=en "Eat, Pray, Love" author Elizabeth Gilbert muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses -- and shares the radical idea that, instead of the rare person "being" a genius, all of us "have" a genius. It's a funny, personal and surprisingly moving talk. TED Talks is a daily podcast of talks and performances from TED, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages are available on TED.com, at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED Talks on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tedtalks Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED

creativity

Creativity

videos

Videos

Find an accurate transcript (and subtitles in 46 languages) on ted.com:
http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius/transcript?language=en
 
"Eat, Pray, Love" author Elizabeth Gilbert muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses -- and shares the radical idea that, instead of the rare person "being" a genius, all of us "have" a genius. It's a funny, personal and surprisingly moving talk.

TED Talks is a daily podcast of talks and performances from TED, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages are available on TED.com, at http://www.ted.com/translate

Follow TED Talks on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tedtalks
Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Your elusive creative genius | Elizabeth Gilbert

When you express with certainty a particular attitude, that attitude hardens. The opposite is true as well: Expressing uncertainty softens the attitude.

Amplification Hypothesis

The minority in a group can have a disproportionate effect on influencing those in the majority. Typically, those in the majority who are most susceptible are the ones who may have joined because it was easy to do so or who felt there were no alternatives. Consistent, confident minority voices are most effective.

Conversion Theory

This theory involves a persuasive person deliberately breaking one of the four conversational maxims. These are the four:<ul><li>Quantity: Information is complete and full.</li><li>Quality: Information is truthful and accurate.</li><li>Relation: Information is relevant to the conversation.</li><li>Manner: Information is expressed in an easy-to-understand way and non-verbal actions support the tone of the statement.</li></ul>

Information Manipulation Theory

You can be influenced by stimuli that affect how you perceive short-term thoughts and actions. Here’s a really smart example from Changing Minds:A stage magician says ‘try’ and ‘cycle’ in separate sentences in priming a person to think later of the word ‘tricycle’.

Priming

A common social norm, reciprocity involves our obligation to return favors done by others.

Reciprocity Norm

You want what is in short supply. This desire increases as you anticipate the regret you might have if you miss out by not acting fast enough.

Scarcity Principle

Persuasive messages tend to decrease in persuasiveness over time, except for messages from low-credibility sources. Messages that start out with low persuasion gain persuasion as our minds slowly disassociate the source from the material (i.e., a presumably sleazy car salesman and his advice on what car is best).

Sleeper Effect

We are influenced strongly by others based on how we perceive our relationship with the influencer. For example, social proof on web copy is persuasive if the testimonials and recommendations are from authoritative sources, big brands, or peers.

Social Influence

This approach, based on multiple years of research by Yale University, found a number of factors in persuasive speech, including being a credible, attractive speaker; when it’s important to first or go last; and the ideal demographics to target.

Yale Attitude Change Approach

Certain words carry more power than others. This theory breaks persuasive words into three categories:<ul><li>God terms: those words that carry blessings or demand obedience/sacrifice. e.g, progress, value</li><li>Devil terms: those terms that are despised and evoke disgust. e.g., fascist, pedophile</li><li>Charismatic terms: those terms that are intangible, less observable than either God or Devil terms. e.g., freedom, contribution.</li></ul>

Ultimate Terms

Influence your audience without feeling sleazy about it with these tips on social media.

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

How To Use 10 Psychological Theories To Persuade People

When we feel powerful, we make ourselves big; we stretch out; we take up space. We're basically opening up. However, if we feel insecure, we make themselves smaller. Maybe we're hunching, crossing our legs, wrapping our ankles or holding onto our arms.Non-verbal language governs how other people think and feel about us. We make sweeping judgments and inferences from body language. Those judgments can predict meaningful life outcomes, such as who we hire or promote or who we ask out on a date.

The effects of our body language

When people win a physical competition, they naturally put their arms up in the V and their chin slightly lifted. They will do it even if they've never witnessed someone doing it. However, when they feel powerless, they do the opposite. They close up and make themselves small.  When we come in contact with other people, we complement the other's nonverbals. For example, if someone is powerful with us, we tend to make ourselves smaller.

Natural body language

We know that nonverbals govern how we think and feel about others. But body language also governs how we feel about ourselves. For example, we smile when we feel happy. Conversely, when we're forced to smile, it makes us feel happy. When it comes to power, it also goes both ways. When you feel powerful, you're more likely to open up, but when you pretend to be powerful, you are more likely to feel powerful.

We are influenced by our own nonverbals

Powerful people tend to be more assertive and confident, more optimistic. They take more risks.  Studies showed that a two-minute power pose leads to hormonal changes that configure your brain to be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or stress-reactive.<ul><li>People with a high-power pose experienced a 20-percent increase in testosterone and a 25 percent decrease in cortisol, meaning they feel more assertive and less anxious.</li><li>Those who adopted a two-minute low-power pose had a 10-percent decrease in testosterone and a 15-percent increase in cortisol.</li></ul>

The two-minute power pose

Before you enter the next stressful evaluative situation, for two minutes, try a Power Pose. Configure your brain to cope the best in that situation. Get your testosterone up and your cortisol down.  Leave the situation feeling like you really got to say and show who you are.

Tiny tweaks can lead to big changes

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy argues that "power posing" -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don't feel confident -- can boost feelings of confidence, and might have an impact on our chances for success. (Note: Some of the findings presented in this talk have been referenced in an ongoing debate among social scientists about robustness and reproducibility. Read Amy Cuddy's response here: http://ideas.ted.com/inside-the-debate-about-power-posing-a-q-a-with-amy-cuddy/) Get TED Talks recommended just for you! Learn more at https://www.ted.com/signup. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Follow TED on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: https://www.youtube.com/TED

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy argues that "power posing" -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don't feel confident -- can boost feelings of confidence, and might have an impact on our chances for success. (Note: Some of the findings presented in this talk have been referenced in an ongoing debate among social scientists about robustness and reproducibility. Read Amy Cuddy's response here: http://ideas.ted.com/inside-the-debate-about-power-posing-a-q-a-with-amy-cuddy/)

Get TED Talks recommended just for you! Learn more at https://www.ted.com/signup.

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more.

Follow TED on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TEDTalks
Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED

Subscribe to our channel: https://www.youtube.com/TED

Your body language may shape who you are | Amy Cuddy

Your body language may shape who you are

Perspective is an interesting concept — it is a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.Everyone has shaped their own view of reality, and they perceive the ways that people treat them as good or bad. Even if the intention of the other person is not always to be good or bad. — Your views on the world dictate your behavior. If you assume people like you, you will start behaving more positively, likable, and friendly —…this will, in turn, MAKE people like you more.It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Assume The Other Person Likes You.

You see it the other way around as well. When you come into an interaction with the assumption that people DON’T like you or that you’re weird, awkward, or a burden on others, you will act in ways that will make people not like you as much.Honestly, you could argue that all confidence is slightly delusional. So even if you don’t feel very likable, you just need to start deluding yourself.This is really powerful advice, but I know it can be quite difficult to implement. I’ve been on the other side, so I really do get the resistance to a concept like this.

Confidence and how you ACT

I am not going to try and solve the “confidence problem” here, because I don’t think I can, and definitely not for more than one specific person, on top of that, the person who knows the most about this problem and has the best chances of solving it right now is the one reading this idea.

The Confidence problem

I do think though that you should try this method out — assume that your friends like you and your company, that you aren’t annoying them, and that they want to hang out with you more. LIE TO YOURSELF WITH INTENT, the brain is separable, it can outplay itself, understand itself, and increase the efficiency of different parts in it, it’s not only safe to ACT but its borderline genius.It would be a lot more beneficial to assume your friends all love you until proven otherwise, and not to assume that they could be pissed off at you and need them to constantly prove that they are not.

Try it

It could be expanded to all people, as well — if you assume that everyone you meet is going to like you and wait to be proven otherwise, it will improve your confidence, your social comfort, your sense of humor (critical to which is the confidence of delivery and the relationship between the joker and the audience), and your self-esteem. Why wouldn’t it? Everyone in the whole world will like you and have an awesome conversation with you if you talk to them! Share your thoughts in the comments — And follow for more :)

Expand

Assumptions, Confidence, Acting, and your better self.

Perspective is an interesting concept — it is a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. Everyone has shaped their own view of reality, and they perceive the ways…

Bullies are in every area of the workplace, be it a difficult boss, a malicious coworker, or a disrespectful client. Bullying is classified are repeated and purposeful harassing, offending, excluding, or spitefully disrupting someone's tasks. It can be job-related or person-related. Early career professionals are more prone to bullying than their senior colleagues. If not addressed, bullying can damage a person's well-being and increase job turnover.

Bullies in the workplace

Bees work hard and provide value to their environment, but you risk getting stung if you try to hurt them. Find a visible way to defend yourself from bullying behaviour.<ul><li>Play by the book. It can give you a sense of security and help you stay on track when you don't yet know how things work in your organisation.</li><li>Build a strong network, including with senior employees or influential people. It helps to influence people and form alliances within your workplace.</li><li>Stay on good terms with the rest of your colleagues, regardless of their level in the chain of command.</li></ul>

Become a bee

Rather than lashing out or letting your emotions get the better of you, pause before acting. It will help to detach emotionally. If you feel safe enough to approach your colleague, respectfully initiate a candid discussion with the bully. If the bully responds, listen instead of getting defensive. You may discover that there is room for reconciliation. However, if the bullying continues, it may be good to approach HR or your manager.

Don’t let your emotions overpower your reaction

A last approach before approaching a higher authority is to “Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.” When you realize you are getting in an office battle zone, start gathering evidence to block all exits besides the one you consider fair. Instead of directly confronting a bully, present the facts and explain how these errors seriously threaten his or her employment in the long term. Then present the solution you want them to get to.

Build golden bridges

Early career professionals are more prone to bullying than their senior colleagues. Research shows that power imbalances between experienced and newer workers can create an authority gap that has the potential to generate abusive and intimidating behaviors from those who have higher status. If you’re a young professional dealing with bullying at work, how do you navigate the situation and guard yourself? Become a bee: Start by finding your sting — a visible way to defend yourself from bullying behavior. For instance, make it known that you are someone who follows rules and procedures. Playing by the book can give you a sense of security, help you stay on track, and give bullies less weaknesses to exploit. Don’t let your emotions overpower your reaction: Put aside your anger, frustration, and the urge to snap back. If you react instinctively, guided by your negative emotions, you may end up increasing the conflict, reducing mutual gain, and damaging any chances of future collaboration. Build golden bridges: As soon as you realize you are getting in an office battle zone, start gathering evidence to block all exits besides the one you consider fair. Ask yourself, “How do I make it easier for the bully to reach the decision that I want them to get to?” This can be an excellent way to inhibit workplace intimidation before following the official path.

career

Career

How to Confront a Bully at Work

There may be times that you’d like to feel invisible, but for the most part, people like to feel that other people notice and care about them. If you’ve ever walked into a social gathering and waited five minutes for someone to greet you, then you know how painful it is to feel like you’re blending into the background. Alternatively, consider the agony you can suffer when you’ve sent a text to a friend, only to have it sit there “delivered,” but unanswered.

“Ugh! I Wish I Was Invisible!” 

When you stop and think about it, though, why should we care so much about whether people notice us or not? After all, the people who know us might be busy and preoccupied with other things. It shouldn’t make a difference, either, whether people who don’t know us acknowledge our presence. And, in reality, aren’t there those times when we’d be just as happy to get in and out of someplace without having to stop and talk to anyone?

“Hellooo! I’m Standing Right Here!!!”

In positive psychology, the quality of “mattering” is considered, in the words of York University’s Gordon Flett and colleagues (2022) to be “a key psychological resource.” Although we might occasionally enjoy the cloak of invisibility, Flett et al. propose that feeling chronically insignificant can become a “meta-pathology” that can interfere with the ability to obtain “optimal health and well-being.”

The Quality Of Mattering

According to Flett et al., rather than simply feeling invisible, when we suffer from what they call “anti-mattering,” we define ourselves as someone whose “personal identity is dominated by the sense of not mattering to others.” We adopt this identity as a shield for the specific reason of protecting ourselves from the stress of being ignored or regarded as irrelevant by others. The “anti” here, literally means “against” mattering, not simply being low in the feeling that we matter.

Why Does it Matter to Matter?

In the words of Flett et al., anti-mattering “should be regarded as a unique and specific vulnerability unlike any other risk factor.... [it] can become a cognitive preoccupation that is internalized and results in self-harm tendencies and an inability or unwillingness to engage in self-care.”

A Shield That Harms Instead Of Protect Us

The anti-mattering stance can come from many sources, such as facing constant rejection from potential romantic partners, employers, or even those rude people who never reply to your texts. However, Flett et al. propose that its most likely source can be traced to early childhood experiences of neglect by distracted and unresponsive parents. The hard shell around our need to matter eventually forms so that even the worst experiences of rejection will fail to penetrate.

A Shell That We Get Into Instead Of Out Of

Unfortunately, the more resistant the shell becomes to rejection or dismissive treatment, the harder it is for others to get through to us. Rewarding relationships become that much more difficult to attain as others learn that it's easier just to stay away from you.

Hurdles Are Both The Obstacles And The Race

To tap into the unique qualities of anti-mattering, Flett et al. set about to develop a new 5-item Anti-Mattering Scale (AMS). Across a series of studies using young adult and adolescent samples, Flett et al. first built and then compared their AMS to an existing "General Mattering Scale" (GMS) in its relationship to measures of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. You can best get a sense of what's at the heart of anti-mattering by testing yourself on these five items (rate yourself from 1=not at all, to 4=a lot).

The Anti-Mattering Scale (AMS)

<ol><li>How much do you feel like you don’t matter? </li><li>How often have you been treated in a way that makes you feel like you are insignificant? </li><li>To what extent have you been made to feel like you are invisible? </li><li>How much do you feel like you will never matter to certain people? </li><li>How often have you been made to feel by someone that they don’t care what you think or what you have to say? </li> </ol>Most of the participants in the undergraduate sample scored between 7 and 15 on this scale, with an average at just about 11.

The “Anti-Mattering” Test

Key to the idea of the AMS is that it's not just feeling unimportant (or low in mattering). These five items from the GMS (General Mattering Scale) show this nuanced difference. Rate yourself with the same scale as the AMS:<ol><li>How important are you to others?</li><li>How much do others pay attention to you?</li><li>How much would you be missed if you went away?</li><li>How interested are others in what you have to say?</li><li>How much do other people depend upon you?</li></ol>

The “General Mattering” Test

Participants tended to receive higher scores on the GMS than the AMS, with the average at 16 and the majority scoring between 13 and 18.From these averages alone, you can see that it is more common for people to feel that they have a valuable role in the life of others than to feel that they are not worth anyone's attention.

“I Am The Touching And The Untouchable.”

Now that you’ve tested yourself on AMS and seen how it differs from GMS, it’s time to turn to the psychological consequences of turning away from others as a self-protective mechanism. As shown in the Flett et al. findings, the patterns of scores on key indicators of mental health, including depression, loneliness, and anxiety, showed that anti-mattering wasn't simply the opposite of mattering.

Does Being High on Anti-Mattering Matter?

Most importantly, the findings across the young adult and adolescent samples confirmed the predicted relationship between anti-mattering and loneliness as well as the incremental effect on depression of high AMS vs. low GMS scores. This pattern reflects, in the words of the authors, “ties between low mattering and a maladaptive early schema reflecting disconnection and alienation from others.” Combined, high AMS and high loneliness scores produce what Flett et al. refer to as the “double jeopardy of feeling alone and insignificant.”

The Double Jeopardy

To sum up, feeling that we matter is clearly a contributor to positive mental health. Anti-mattering can become part of a larger identity in which we feel that we lack value to others, even contributing to a sense of marginalization. Although the York University findings established the negative consequences of anti-mattering among young adults and teens, this basic need appears to be one that can form an important cornerstone of healthy development throughout life.

A Serious Matter

If anything matters, then everything matters.

Everything matters. Nothing’s important.

On mattering, not mattering, but, more importantly, anti mattering. Would we (still) wear the Invisibility Cloak if we knew we could never take it off again?

New research shows the downside of feeling invisible on mental health.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Why Mattering Is So Important to Our Mental Health

"an aggregated measure of self- and social-awareness, evolved social beliefs and attitudes, and a capacity and appetite to manage complex social change."

About Social Intelligence

"the ability to understand and manage men and women and boys and girls, to act wisely in human relations

"competence to optimally understand one's environment and react appropriately for socially successful conduct"

"It leans more toward Jean Piaget's theory that intelligence is not a fixed attribute, but a complex hierarchy of information-processing skills underlying an adaptive equilibrium between the individual and the environment."

Not A Fixed Attribute 

"More recently, popular science writer Daniel Goleman has drawn on social neuroscience research to propose that social intelligence is made up of social awareness (including empathy, attunement, empathic accuracy, and social cognition) and social facility (including synchrony, self-presentation, influence, and concern)."

Made Of Social Awareness And Social Facility

I took the The Four Factor Test of Social Intelligence in a random app I wanted to know a litle bit more about this type of intelligence. 

problemsolving

Problem Solving

teamwork

Teamwork

Social intelligence - Wikipedia

<ul><li>It is better to say something rather than nothing and to express empathy instead of sympathy</li><li>Most people enduring the tiring and lonely experience of grief benefit from expressions that are more empathetic than sympathetic</li><li>Generally, people prefer to be understood rather than pitied</li><li>What is needed in these situations is less about what is said and more about being there to help hold space for the grief.</li></ul>

Say something rather than nothing

<ul><li>"I know what you're going through." We can never know exactly.</li><li>"Did the doctors try everything to save him/her?" Some things in life cannot be saved and fixed, no matter how we try. </li><li>Cliched like: "Everything happens for a reason." "God has a plan." "Time will heal." "They’re in a much better place."</li><li> "Let me know if you need anything." This puts the burden on the caregiver or the bereaved person when he or she already is preoccupied with too many things, both big and small. Try instead to offer something very concrete and very specific that you know you can do.</li></ul>

Some things to avoid saying and doing

<ul><li>Don't worry about bringing up this loss unless for some reason the person has already indicated they don't want to talk about it at all. </li><li>Don't be afraid to share a fun or funny memory you have. </li><li>It is best to let the person be the guide as to how much or how little they want to share, answer, vent, switch topics, etc.</li><li>Acknowledge that words seem to fail, that you are aware this really sucks and feels empty, sad, lonely, hard, stressful, etc.</li><li>Offer to simply sit with the person, even in stillness and silence, or to just be in the other room as a familiar presence. </li></ul>

Some things that might be helpful to say and do

Some do's and don'ts for what to say and do.

How Do I Comfort A Friend Who Lost a Loved One?

The way we present ourselves to others cannot be changed by others. We have to want to change for the better ourselves, for our self.Unrealistic expectations of others can be shown by shouting, getting frustrated easily, angry or upset often.Simply put, you need to discover who the person infront of YOU is. You can choose to help them to manage their chimp and recognise their gremlins, or you can judge them for how they are presenting themselves. The choice is yours. P127.

Mind Your World

A golden rule for understanding people and situations is to ALWAYS attempt to establish the FACTS before you make your assessment.

Want to understand whats inside your head and how it works?The human brain is complex so I will simplify it for you.Within the Chimp Management Model, we outline three parts to the brain:• Frontal - the Human• Limbic - the Chimp• Parietal - the ComputerThese 3 parts combine to form the Psychological Mind.These three parts of the brain attempt to work together, they very frequently get into conflict and struggle against eachother to gain control, with the Chimp (limbic brain) often winning!

Breakdown Of The Psychological Mind

The frontal (Human) and the limbic (Chimp) the emotional machine, are not always in agreement with eachother.Either one of these parts of your brain can run your life for you, although they try to work together, it is a problematic task.The Human and the Chimp have independent personalities with different agendas, ways of thinking and modes of operating.Effectively, there are two beings in your head!Therefore, it is important to grasp that only one of these beings is you, the Human.

Introducing The Chimp Pt1

The Chimp is an emotional machine which we all possess. It thinks independently from us and can make decisions for us. It offers emotional thoughts and feelings that can be very constructive or very destructive! It is not either good or bad, it is a Chimp.The Chimp paradox is that it can be your best friend and your worst enemy simultaneously.The purpose of this book is to help you to manage your Chimp and to harness its strength and power when it is working for you and to neutralise it when it is working against you.

Introducing The Chimp Pt2

Successful people don't make demands from others, but set the scene, so that the Human in others may respond, rather than their Chimp.

When people have accidents that damage the frontal lobe or where they have a disorder or illness affecting the frontal lobe, their personality alters.Effectively, the Human part of the brain stops working and the new personality that presents is the Chimp. People affected in this way will become disinhibited and lose their judgement, or they can become apathetic or have outbursts of aggressive behaviour.

Science Explains The Chimp Paradox Pt1

How many times have you talked to yourself? Reassured yourself or had battles within your own head?You often have thoughts and feelings you don't want and even carry out behaviours that you know are not really what you want to do. So why do you do it? How can you not have control over what thoughts or emotions you have and the behaviours you carry out?How can you be two different people at different times?

Science Explains The Chimp Paradox Pt2

Brain scanners show the blood supply in your brain going to the area that is being used. When you think calmly and rationally then we see the blood going to the frontal area, the Human in your head, and you become the person you want to be and truly are.When you become emotional and irrational, especially when you are angry or distressed, then we see the blood supply go to the limbic area, your Chimp. You would usually say this isn't how you want to be.The truth is that it is your Chimp, an emotional machine, that is overpowering your Human mind. Your Chimp is hijacking you!

Technology Proves The Science

Having a Chimp is like owning a dog. You are not responsible for the nature of the dog but you are responsible for managing it and keeping it well behaved. Stop and think about this as it is crucial to your happiness and success in life.The Chimp within your head is a separate entity to you. It was born when you were born but has nothing to do with you as a Human.It is simply part of your machinery.You didn't choose your Chimp, it was given to you and you need to accept it.It has a mind of its own and thinks with original thoughts which aren't yours.Its purpose is to ensure the next generation

The Chimp Within

A little snippet from this book ✌ additional stashes added..

Your inner Chimp can be your best friend or your worst enemy...this is the Chimp Paradox Do you sabotage your own happiness and success? Are you struggling to make sense of yourself? Do your emotions sometimes dictate your life? Dr. Steve Peters explains that we all have a being within our minds that can wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives—be it business or personal. He calls this being "the chimp," and it can work either for you or against you. The challenge comes when we try to tame the chimp, and persuade it to do our bidding. The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This book will help you to: —Recognize how your mind is working —Understand and manage your emotions and thoughts —Manage yourself and become the person you would like to be Dr. Peters explains the struggle that takes place within your mind and then shows you how to apply this understanding. Once you're armed with this new knowledge, you will be able to utilize your chimp for good, rather than letting your chimp run rampant with its own agenda.

The Chimp Paradox

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