Asking for help can feel so uncomfortable that we would often rather .suffer in silence, or try to do everything ourselvesOver time, carrying a heavy load without enough support can lead to burnout - the exhaustion and disengagement that results from the chronic stress of having too many demands and not enough resources.Asking for help can be uncomfortable, but it's an important skill. It can yield much-needed practical and emotional support and protect you from burnout.

We Avoid Asking For Help

Check your assumptions about asking for help:<ul><li>Negative associations: you might associate help-seeking with a negative view of 'taking handouts' or think that someone is lazy if they can't do something themselves.</li><li>Self-criticism.</li><li>Concerns about how you will be perceived.</li><li>Overestimating the likelihood of rejection.</li></ul>People are likely much more willing to help than you realize!

Why We Don't Ask

<ul><li>The long-term benefits of asking outweigh any short-term costs.</li><li>Choose the right person: Think about who has the skills, ability, and knowledge to help you and when is the best time to ask.</li><li>Ask in the face of discomfort: Label the emotions, summon your courage, and ask anyway.</li><li>Use assertive communication skills: Be open, direct, and respectful.</li></ul>

Make A Decision To Ask

<ul><li>By fostering a team culture in which it is normal to both give and receive help, we feel more comfortable asking for help when we need it.</li><li>Offering support builds social capital in your personal and professional relationships over time, and when you've been supportive of others, you are more likely to receive help when it's needed.</li></ul>

Creating A Culture Of Help And Support

You’re not weak or lazy – everyone needs support. Follow these steps to learn when to reach out, who to go to and what to say

problemsolving

Problem Solving

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

How to ask for help | Psyche Guides

Fame is deeply attractive because it seems to offer very significant benefits. The fantasies go like this: when you are famous, wherever you go, your good reputation will precede you. People will think well of you, because your merits have been impressively explained in advance. You will get warm smiles from admiring strangers. You won’t need to make your own case laboriously on each occasion.

The Appeal Of Fame

<ul><li>When you are famous, you will be safe from rejection. You won’t have to win over every new person.</li><li>Fame will mean other people will be flattered and delighted even if you are only slightly interested in them. They will be amazed to see you in the flesh.</li><li>When you’re not pleased with something, it will become a big problem for others.</li><li>If you say your hotel room isn’t up to scratch, the management will panic.</li><li>Your complaints will be taken very seriously.</li><li>Your happiness will become the focus of everyone’s efforts.</li><li>You will make or break other people’s reputations. You’ll be the boss.</li></ul>

When You Are Famous...

The desire for fame has its roots in the experience of neglect, in injury. No one would want to be famous who hadn’t also, somewhere in the past, been made to feel extremely insignificant. We sense the need for a great deal of admiring attention when we have been painfully exposed to earlier deprivation. Perhaps one’s parents were hard to impress. They never noticed one much, they were so busy with other things, focusing on other famous people, unable to have or express kind feelings, or just working too hard.

The Desire Of Fame

When one has an insignificant or even traumatic childhood, one dreams that some day the world will pay attention. We also believe then when we’re finally famous, our parents will have to admire us too (which throws up an insight into one of the great signs of good parenting: that your child has no desire to be famous).

A Need From Childhood

But even if our parents were warm and full of praise, there might still be a problem. It might be that it was the buffeting and indifference of the wider world (starting with the schoolyard) that was intolerable after all the early years of adulation at home. One might have emerged from familial warmth and been mortally hurt that strangers were not as kind and understanding as one had come to expect. The crushing experience of humiliation might even have been vicarious: one’s mother being rudely dismissed by a waiter; one’s father standing awkwardly alone.

The World Not Being Kind To Us

What is common to all dreams of fame: Being known to strangers emerges as a solution to a hurt. It presents itself as the answer to a deep need to be appreciated and treated decently by other people.And yet fame cannot accomplish what is asked of it. It does have advantages, which are evident. But it also introduces a new set of very serious disadvantages, which the modern world refuses to view as structural rather than incidental.

Fame Is Not The Answer

Every new famous person who disintegrates breaks down in public or loses their mind is judged in isolation, rather than being interpreted as a victim of an inevitable pattern within the pathology of fame.The world isn’t generally kind to the famous for very long. The reason is basic: the success of any one person involves humiliation for lots of others. The celebrity of a few people will always contrast painfully with the obscurity of the many.

Being Famous Upsets People

When we imagine fame, we forget that it is inextricably connected to being too visible in the eyes of some, to bugging them unduly, to coming to be seen as the plausible cause of their humiliation: a symbol of how the world has treated them unfairly.So soon enough, the world will start to go through the rubbish bags of the famous, it will comment negatively on their appearance, it will pour over their setbacks, it will judge their relationships, it will mock their new movies.

The Dark Side Of Fame

Fame makes people more, not less, vulnerable, because it throws them open to unlimited judgement. Everyone is wounded by a cruel assessment of their character or merit. But the famous have an added challenge in store. The assessments will come in from legions of people who would never dare to say to their faces what they can now express from the safety of the newspaper office or screen. We know from our own lives that a nasty remark can take a day or two to process.

Making People Even More Vulnerable

Social media hasn’t helped. It’s made it far easier than before to be famous. And therefore, by necessity, far easier to be hated. A minor celebrity can now regularly face all the vitriol previously accorded only to Hollywood stars.Paradoxically, the famous are the very last people on earth to be well equipped to deal with what they’re going through. After all, they only became famous because they were wounded because they had thin skin; because they were in some respects a bit ill. And now far from compensating them adequately for their disease, fame aggravates it exponentially.

And Then Comes Social Media

Every worst fear about oneself (that one is stupid, ugly, not worthy of existence) will daily be actively confirmed by strangers. One will be exposed to the fact that people one has never met, about whom one would have only goodwill, actively loathe one. One will learn that detestation of one’s personality is – in some quarters – a badge of honour. Sometimes the attacks will be horribly insightful. At other times, they’ll make no sense to anyone who really knows one. But the criticisms will lodge in people’s minds nevertheless – and no lawyer, court case or magician can ever delete them.

The Hate Speech Of Strangers Seeps Inside The Mind

Fame really just means you get noticed a great deal – not that you get understood, appreciated or loved.At an individual level, the only mature strategy is to give up on fame. The aim that lay behind the desire for fame remains important. One does still want to be appreciated and understood. But the wise person accepts that celebrity does not actually provide these things. Appreciation and understanding are only available through individuals one knows and cares about, not via groups of a thousand or a million strangers.

Fame Means You Get Noticed, That's All

For those who are already famous, the only way to stay sane is to stop listening to what the wider world is saying. This applies to the good things as much as to the bad. It is best not to know. The wise person knows that their products need attention. But they make a clear distinction between the purely practical needs of marketing and advocacy and the intimate desire to be liked and treated with justice and kindness by people they don’t know.

Tip For The Already Famous

At a collective, political level we should pay great attention to the fact that, today, so many people (particularly young ones) want to be famous – and even see fame as a necessary condition for a successful life. Rather than dismiss this wish, we should grasp its underlying worrying meaning: they want to be famous because they are not being respected because citizens have forgotten how to accord one another the degree of civility, appreciation and decency that everyone craves and deserves. The desire for fame is a sign that ordinary life has ceased to be good enough.

The Bottom Line

Everything we thought about being famous is wrong.

Read our article - On the Desire for Fame. The School Of Life has a huge collection of interesting articles, read now.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

On the Desire for Fame

Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and noticed that a line of dialogue or a <a href="https://masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-the-first-plot-point-of-your-story">plot point</a> seemed familiar? Maybe a character says, "let’s get the hell out of dodge," or the film's hero is a prophesied "chosen one." These are both examples of clichés. If you're a beginner <a href="https://masterclass.com/articles/tips-for-becoming-a-screenwriter">screenwriter</a> wondering how to avoid using clichés in your own writing, there’s no better guide than <a href="https://www.masterclass.com/classes/shonda-rhimes-teaches-writing-for-television">acclaimed television writer and producer Shonda Rhimes</a>.

Clichés Everywhere

A cliché is an expression that was once innovative but has lost its novelty due to overuse. Take the phrase “as red as a rose” for example—it is a universal descriptor for the colour red that is now commonplace and unoriginal. Other examples of clichés include demarcations of time, such as “in the nick of time” and “at the speed of light.” Clichés also include expressions about emotions, such as “head over heels” to describe love, or the phrase “every cloud has a silver lining” to express hope in difficult situations.

Defining A Cliché

Any line of dialogue that you've ever heard anybody say before is already a cliché, so don't write it down.When there are seemingly limitless ways to express a sentiment, why wouldn't you create an original sentence? If you're struggling to come up with fresh words, use a thesaurus—just be careful to not misuse an unfamiliar word.

6 Tips for Avoiding Clichés in Writing: If Your Dialogue Sounds Familiar, Write Something New

Your goal isn't to copy somebody that you admire, your goal is to be the thing that other people would admire themselves. Instead of borrowing from someone else's writing, make your own writing completely original. Make it your goal to write something so innovative that it becomes a new cliché.

Strive to Create a New Cliché

There's almost nothing new under the sun. But there are different interpretations and different ways of thinking of things that are new." It's impossible to be one hundred percent unique all the time, so try putting a new twist on a familiar concept. Use a familiar idea as inspiration, and approach it from a new point of view. A great way to <a href="https://www.masterclass.com/articles/tips-for-writing-a-killer-plot-twist">create an effective plot twist</a> is to start with a clichéd premise, then subvert the audience’s expectations by going in a different direction.

Put A Spin On It

You want your dialogue to have a real quality that doesn't feel like 'TV talk.' Authentic dialogue should sound the way people actually talk. In real life, people don't talk in complete sentences, they use the wrong words, they talk over each other, and nobody says all the perfect things at the perfect times.

Write Realistic Dialogue

You can think of the dialogue you write as being the conversations that real people have—the kind you would overhear someone having if you were hiding in a closet in their house." One of the best ways to get a feel for how people actually talk is to pay attention to how people talk in the real world.

Eavesdrop on Real Conversations for Inspiration

Get somebody else to read your dialogue out loud for you, because then you can really hear how it sounds. ” You might not realize you used a cliché until you hear it spoken out loud. When you finish your first draft, either read your dialogue aloud yourself or ask someone else to read it aloud for you. If you notice any overused phrases, go back and rewrite them in a fresh way.

Listen to Your Dialogue Read Aloud

When working on your own screenplays, avoid these common clichés:“The wrong side of the bed.”“Think outside the box.”“Loose canon.”“Can of worms.”“What goes around comes around.”“Dead as a doornail.”“Plenty of fish in the sea.”“Ignorance is bliss.”“Like a kid in a candy store.”“You can’t judge a book by its cover.”“Take the tiger by the tail.”“Every rose has its thorn.”“Good things come to those who wait.”“In the nick of time.”"If only walls could talk.”“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”“The pot calling the kettle black.”“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Common Clichés to Avoid in Your Writing

Write stuff people haven't heard or seen already.

writing

Reading & Writing

Avoid Writing Clichés

As a quick stroll on social media reveals, most people love showing that they are good. Whether by expressing compassion for disaster victims, sharing a post to support a social movement, or denouncing a celebrity’s racist comment, many people are eager to broadcast their high moral standing.

Social Media Helpfulness

Critics sometimes dismiss these acts as mere “virtue signaling”. As the British journalist James Bartholomew (who popularised the term in a magazine article in 2015) remarks, virtue signallers enjoy the privilege of feeling better about themselves by doing very little.

Virtue Signaling

Unlike the kind of helping where you have to do something – help an old lady cross the street, volunteer to give meals to the dispossessed, go door-to-door to fundraise for a cause – virtue signalling often consists of completely costless actions, such as changing your profile picture or saying you don’t like a politician’s stance on immigration. Bartholomew complains that “saying the right things violently on Twitter is much easier than real kindness”.

Help Don’t Cost A Thing

In everyday discourse, the people who accuse others of virtue signaling are often not interested in doing real moral analysis – mostly, they want to discredit their political opponents (“My allies are heroically rallying for a just cause, people on the other side are virtue signaling”). It might be more illuminating to look at what science says on the subject.

Virtue Signaling As A Slur 

Over the past few decades, scientists in a variety of fields have developed sophisticated analyses of signaling as a general phenomenon – how humans (and other animals) send signals designed to convey information to other individuals. The insights of signaling theory have had a huge impact on biology and the social sciences. They also tell us that virtue signaling is more nuanced and more interesting than the picture painted by conventional wisdom and political rhetoric. As it turns out, there are bad and good things about virtue signalling – but probably not for the reasons we think.

Virtue Signaling As Animal Behavior 

Why do we scold virtue signalers for having it easy? The urge to dismiss someone’s actions because they took no effort is powerful. But does it not make more sense to focus on what that action actually achieves? Why do we often focus on the costs people pay rather than how effective they are at making the world better?Why do we have the strong emotions we have about virtue signaling, and is it actually good or bad?

Why Do We Feel So Strong About Virtue Signaling?

A few decades ago, biologists and economists struggled with similar questions.Why are peahens so attracted by the peacocks with the most extravagant tails – which are very costly to maintain but otherwise seemingly useless?Why do employers care that you put yourself hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to get an Ivy League degree in sociology with no obvious relevance to the job?

Obvious Cost With No Obvious Benefit

In the 1970s, the zoologist Amotz Zahavi and the economist Michael Spence offered a provocative answer. They argued that the cost paid by the peacock (or the college graduate) is the whole point. Their argument is a bit subtle, so it is worth carefully looking at how it works. Communication is difficult because individuals have incentives to lie. Employers are looking for certain qualities (intelligence, conscientiousness, ambition) in their employees. They could ask the people they interview if they are intelligent and conscientious, but why wouldn’t the job candidates simply lie?

Biology, Economics And Lies

Instead, employers select their employees on the basis of signals that are difficult to fake, such as university degrees. In general, having the qualities that employers value makes it easier to get a degree. People who do not have the right mix of intelligence, conscientiousness and ambition will find college more difficult, and either drop out or spend much more time completing their studies. People who anticipate that getting a degree would be too costly for them will opt out.

Talk Is Cheap; Signals Speak Volumes

So, in principle, even if nothing you had learnt was relevant to the job you want, completing the degree still sends a valuable signal to potential employers: you are the kind of person for whom this high-effort achievement is easy enough. Because it sends a valuable signal, it is in your interest to get a degree, and in the employer’s interest to hire you on its basis.

If Only For The Signal

A similar argument applies in the biological domain, but with natural selection in the driver’s seat. Growing an extravagant tail is moderately costly for a healthy peacock – but a diseased bird would put its life at risk if he spent that much energy growing the ornament. Therefore, only the peacocks in good enough condition can afford to grow an elaborate tail. As such, natural selection favours peahens who prefer peacocks with a long tail, because these peahens mate with healthy males, and get healthy offspring as a result.

Signaling Is Evidence And Testimony

Costly signals – signals that are honest because of the fact that they are costly – are ubiquitous. Why do people give flowers to their romantic interests, or take them to overpriced restaurants? Probably because these acts are costly: were the suitor not interested in a long-term relationship, he would have little incentive to invest such effort. His gifts function not because roses are particularly useful items, but because they are a costly signal of his commitment.

Costly Signals And Honesty

Here is why this matters for virtue signalling. Dishonesty is a major problem in the moral domain. People want to appear good, because it wins them friends and social status. Our moral sense evolved because people who convince others of their moral qualities reap such social benefits. But what prevents someone from pretending to be a good person, reaping all the social benefits, and not following through?

Are You Reaping Or Ripping Off? 

Throughout human evolution, being able to discriminate true allies (who stick with you no matter what) from fair-weather friends (who abandon you when you fall ill) could make the difference between life and death. As such, humans are obsessed with moral hypocrisy. We carefully scrutinise potential romantic partners, friends or team members for signs that they’re not only in it for the money. And since – per the logic of costly signalling – the costs that people are willing to pay are a reliable signal of their commitment, we pay extra attention to these costs when we evaluate other people.

Signals And Full, To-The-End Commitment

Social psychologists have found that, when we see someone perform an altruistic act, we’re suspicious that they’re really being altruistic if they derive some benefit from the act. Clever cognitive psychology experiments even show that we categorise other people on the basis of the costs they are willing to pay to benefit their group – but not on the basis of the amount of benefits they actually provide.

Costs Are Good. Even If They Are Useless. 

This is probably why we find virtue signalers irritating. They are doing things that might gain them social status – the approval of society, a place on the right side of history. But are they actually committed to the causes they support? Or are they just interested in the social benefits? When they are not paying any meaningful costs, virtue signallers activate the alarm bells that millions of years of evolution put in our heads to protect us from fair-weather friends and other moral hypocrites.

But Costs Must Be Really Costly To Be Good

So let’s concede that some virtue signalling is fake; but does that mean it is bad? Here it is useful to take a step back from our default mode of thinking. Evolution designed our brain to make us good at small-scale interaction, but we not very good (or especially concerned) at evaluating the large-scale social effects of things. As such, it is easy for a polemist to throw discredit on someone who virtue-signals by pointing out that there is no guarantee that the virtue-signaler actually shares your moral values. But is this the right yardstick by which to evaluate these signals?

What If The Costs Are Meaningless But The Benefits Meaningful?

Life is rife with coordination problems. Consider passing someone on the street going the other way. You both have a shared incentive to coordinate about which side of the street to walk on, so that you don’t bump into each other. Even though the other person is a complete stranger, there is no particular reason she would try to deceive you. In such circumstances, people send signals (eg. move suddenly and flamboyantly toward one side) to successfully coordinate. Mathematical models show that these costless signals can be crucial in helping people solve otherwise thorny coordination problems.

Costless Signals: Greenlighting

Coordination is crucial in the moral domain too. Imagine you live in a society that practises slavery, and you think you are the only one morally revulsed by it. Should you speak out about your concerns? If you think that everyone else is indifferent, you might be afraid that others will think you are weird, that the people benefiting from the system will punish you, and that you stand no chance to make a difference anyway.

Costless Signals: Spotlighting

The paradox is that, even if many people are in this situation – everyone is concerned but convinced that no one else is – they might fail to act, despite having the majority opinion. But speaking up can start a chain reaction. The more individuals raise their voice to denounce what they see as a moral problem, the more the initially silent people realise they are not alone and speak up in turn.

Costless Signals: Floodlighting

Loud and public signals are especially effective as establishing common knowledge of a moral norm ­making sure that everyone knows about the moral norm, that everyone else knows that everyone knows about the moral norm, that everyone knows that everyone knows that everyone knows (and so on). Psychology experiments have demonstrated that common knowledge is a powerful determinant of social behaviour: people are much more likely to coordinate on a joint action when everyone knows that everyone knows that working together will generate good outcomes.

Public Signals, Common Knowledge And Coordination

In addition to fostering coordination, common knowledge prevents people from hiding behind the veil of plausible deniability. To get away with selfish behaviour, we often pretend to ignore its consequences. If you can plausibly say that you didn’t know about the poor working conditions of people in sweatshops, people will judge you less harshly for buying cheap clothes. But if many people virtue signal by campaigning for better workers’ rights, the issue rises to common awareness – and, when everyone can expect everyone to know, it is harder for you to claim ignorance as a defence.

Public Signals, Common Knowledge And Plausible Deniability

Viewing morality as a coordination game suggests that public opinion can undergo rapid shifts, as society coordinates on new moral norms. And this is indeed what we observe: public opinion on a variety of subjects – such as racism and gay rights – has shifted dramatically in a progressive direction over the past few decades (sometimes within a few weeks).

Morality As A Coordination Game

In sum, virtue signalling can be a powerful force for social change, by creating common knowledge around a moral issue that people would otherwise ignore (out of complacency or selfishness).Importantly, this works even when there is no guarantee the people who are sending the signals are particularly virtuous or committed to the cause.

Virtue Signaling Re-Coordinates Society

Mark and Bob both made a $1,000 donation to a charity. Before making his donation, Mark read extensively about different charities, seeking the one with the best ROI – the charity that runs programmes with the most impact on people’s lives per dollar invested. In the process of his search, Mark would often read about an organisation that does great things, but then drop it from consideration because there was no evidence that it would use his money in the best possible way. He finally settled on a charity that provides a treatment against parasitic worms that plague many people in Africa.

The Tale Of Mark And Bob - Mark

Bob was watching TV one evening when he saw an ad for a charity that gives teddy bears to convalescent children in hospitals. Bob was overwhelmed by emotion at the plight of the children, and immediately made a transfer to the charity.

The Tale Of Mark And Bob - Bob

Mark’s donation will make a much greater impact on people’s lives. But he comes off as cold and calculating, and we can’t repress a nagging doubt about the kind of person he is. Would he still have donated if he had found that none of the organisations he read about was effective enough? Bob by contrast leaves no doubt about his good nature: he spontaneously gave his money without the slightest care about crude materialistic concerns such as economic efficiency.

The Calculating And The Spontaneous

The tale of Mark and Bob illustrates one of the bleak insights of signalling theory: the concrete impact of an altruistic act (how much it actually helps other people) is often dissociated from the signal it sends about what kind of person we are. This means that, to convince people that you are good, the most persuasive signal you can send is often not what will actually produce the most good.

Mixed Signals And Concrete Impact

Why might people be motivated to send extreme signals of their commitment to a cause? The answer lies in the fact that, when we send virtue signals, many of the things we seek – such as friends and social status – are rival goods. The people you want to be friends with can have only so many friends, so you want to convince them that they should pick you. The social groups you belong to can have only so many leaders and, in order to gain influence, it helps to show that you are more committed to the group’s ideology than is the average member.

Extreme Signals And Rival Goods

When individuals send signals to try to convince others that they are better than average, the result is often what signalling theorists call a ‘runaway’: an arms race toward more and more extreme signals. If peahens want to mate with the peacocks whose tails are more extravagant than the average peacock, natural selection favours peacocks with increasingly more extravagant tails over successive generations. If everyone has a high-school diploma, students need to start getting bachelor’s degrees in order to become distinctive in the eyes of employers.

The “Better Than Average” Arms Race 

In the moral domain, runaway signaling happens when people try to elevate their moral status by doing and believing things that not everyone else does. For example, everyone is opposed to killing humans: saying that you think people should not kill each other does not set you apart from others. But not everyone is opposed to eating animals, so being vegetarian or vegan can effectively increase your moral standing.

The “Not Your Average” Arms Race 

When we see someone virtue signalling, we often have strong reactions – sometimes admiration, sometimes annoyance or contempt. But these intuitions are the product of psychological mechanisms that are designed to help us evaluate if that person could be a good friend or a good ally, not to help us evaluate whether the person’s action will have a positive impact on the world. The emerging science of signaling shows that these things can often come apart. Keeping this insight in mind is essential as we navigate an increasingly noisy world.

A New Noise: The Noise Of Virtue

“Here we go again, with your mixed signals and my second thoughts.”

Proclaiming one’s own goodness is deeply annoying. Yet signalling theory explains why it’s a peculiarly powerful manoeuvre

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Why Virtue Signaling Is Not (Just) A Vice, But An Evolved Tool

Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) is fully accepting and loving someone, regardless of their actions. It means seeing them as a fundamentally valuable and lovable human being. While this does not mean approving of all their actions, it goes beyond surface behavior. (Rogers, 1951)Key Concepts:<ol><li>Complete acceptance and love</li><li>Inherent humanity and lovability</li><li>Not approving of all actions</li><li>Seeing beyond surface behavior</li></ol>💛💕

Defintion Of Unconditional Positive Regard

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”

We all have two instinctual urges and desires that make UPR an effective tool:
<ul>
<li>The drive towards socially constructive behavior, meaning interacting effectively and positively with others.</li> 
<li>The need for self-determination, or the right and responsibility to choose one's own path.</li>
</ul>

The Psychology Behind Unconditional Positive Regard

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, ‘Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.’ I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”

“When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance… provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.”

“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me."

In counselling, displaying unconditional acceptance means focusing on the client's feelings and motivations instead of judging their actions as right or wrong. This approach allows for the client to openly express themselves without fear of judgement or rejection.For example, if a client shares thoughts or behaviors that may be considered unacceptable, the therapist can display unconditional positive regard by asking about their underlying emotions and motivations, rather than focusing on the moral or legal consequences of their actions.

Unconditional Positive Regard In Counselling

Therapists must display UPR when a client shares self-destructive habits, such as substance abuse or self-harm. Instead of blaming or ignoring the harm, therapists should guide clients to recognize the behavior's negative impact and assure them of their worthiness for love and a healthy life. 
<ul>
 <li> Display UPR when a client shares self-destructive habits </li>
 <li> Avoid blaming and guide clients to recognize the behavior's negative impact </li>
 <li> Assure clients they are worthy and deserving of a healthy life </li>
</ul>

Understanding Harmful Behavior

“I don’t want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”

Instead of always focusing on yourself, try repeating these sayings to shift your mindset: - 🙏 My child's worth is unchangeable and does not require them to earn it. - 🤲 While I may not agree with all my child's choices, I still accept and support them. - 🌱 I give my child permission to make mistakes, knowing they have the ability to learn and grow. - 💪 I have faith in my child's potential to become who they are meant to be. - 🤗 My role is to guide and support, not to criticize.

Cultivate Your Own Attitude

“You don’t need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.”

As young people grow up, it is important to support their self-esteem and self-worth. Here are some tips for teachers and parents to implement Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) and foster healthy development in children:
<ul>
<li>Give honest praise and recognition for their successes and achievements.</li>
<li>Be specific with your praise to reinforce good decisions and actions.</li>
<li>Show respect by offering them choices, respecting their decisions, and explaining your own decisions.</li>
<li>Encourage independence and provide diverse opportunities for them to showcase their skills and succeed.</li>
</ul>

Unconditional Positive Regard For Teachers

“I’m not perfect… but I’m enough.”﻿

“In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, cure, or change this person? Now I would rephrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?”

We know that it is not perfection we should seek.. spread acceptance, understanding and love 🙌

We take a look at the psychology of unconditional positive regard in counseling, social work, and parenting, with helpful activities.

parenting

Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

What is Unconditional Positive Regard in Psychology?

Moving forward can understandably feel difficult. The only person who can decide if moving forward is in your best interest is you. Ask yourself these questions:“Did this person deliberately betray my trust?”“Did this person admit their mistake, or did I find out from someone else?”“Is the indiscretion in question unforgivable?”Your answers to these questions will determine your path forward.

Ask Yourself First

If you’ve decided to work toward forgiving the person who wronged you, understand that forgiveness comes from within. People make mistakes. While we’re all human, that mantra in and of itself does not mean they deserve a second chance.Consider if this person has betrayed your trust before. Has this become an alarming pattern of behaviour, or is this the first time in your relationship that they’ve broken your trust?Once you consider the context of the indiscretion in question, you can make an evidence-based decision that you have full confidence in.

Only You Can Choose to Forgive and Move Forward

While we should all always put ourselves first, oftentimes after being hurt by someone we love or care about, only then do we come to realize we have been putting the needs of others before our own. Take this time of clarity to mend the most important relationship of all: the relationship you have with yourself.Recognize the insecurities you may have struggled with and ignored in order to focus on another person. Work through those insecurities.

Put Yourself First

It’s important to communicate what expectations you have of your relationships with others.For anyone who has broken your trust, communicate what your expectations are of them moving forward. Let them know your trust in them is broken and that you need time to heal. Explain what they did to break your trust and what they can do to regain it.When you communicate your expectations with others and they fail to meet those expectations, you have the answer you need.

Communicate Your Expectations

Setting boundaries is important with any relationship, including your relationship with yourself. Communicate your boundaries with the person who has broken your trust. Let them know the behaviours you will not tolerate, like lying or not telling the complete truth. Then, hold yourself accountable to stick to those boundaries that you set.Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by the person and end up in an endless cycle of forgiving the same indiscretions over and over again. Once you decide upon your boundaries, stick to them.

Set Clear Boundaries

Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you just need to “get over it.” Those people do not have your best interest at heart, or they are not sure how to build good boundaries in their own lives.Take all of the time you need to rebuild your trust, either with that person or with people overall moving forward. You may need more time to come to terms with their pain, and that’s okay.Communicate with the specific person and anyone in the future that they need to respect your space and allow you the time to work through rebuilding trust. The right people will respect that.

Realize That Rebuilding Trust Takes Time

Communicating your triggers will help you to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable and help you along your journey to healing with any future relationships you might have.Even if the person did nothing wrong per se, communicating with them that what they said or did was upsetting for you will help the two of you work toward more open and honest communication and avoid future missteps. And they will know why you may have reacted the way you did and how to remain true to themselves while also avoiding the words or actions that you’d like for them to avoid in the future.

Recognize Your Triggers and Be Honest About Them

Talk therapy, also known as <a href="https://www.lifehack.org/437604/cognitive-behavioral-therapies-for-anxiety-disorders">Cognitive Behavioral Therapy</a> (CBT), can provide you with actionable solutions to address the root cause of the lack of trust you have in others. Speaking to a professional can help you on your journey as you begin to heal from the trauma of being hurt by someone you love or care about.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

When you’re learning to trust people again, you may be very hesitant and at times overly cautious. While it can be easy to listen to the words of others and trust that they’ve changed and that they won’t hurt you the same way again, watch their actions for change.Are they sliding back into their old habits? Are they listening to you when you communicate your triggers with them? People’s actions will tell you everything you need to know about trusting them. Believe them.

People’s Actions Will Tell You What You Need to Know

Many people will tell you that starting fresh means starting over and that you should forgive and forget. However, no one but you will understand the journey you’re going on to trust people again.Starting fresh can look like many different scenarios: cutting off certain people in your life even if just for a time, forgiving the person who wronged you while moving forward with clear and established boundaries, or a combination of the two. All are completely valid paths to starting over with a clean slate.

Commit to Starting Fresh, Whatever That Looks Like for You

Wondering how you can learn to trust people again after you've been hurt in the past? These helpful tips will show you how to heal and grow.

How To Trust People Again If You've Been Hurt

An organization is never more confident than its leader, which accentuates the importance for leaders to display unswerving confidence in themselves, their vision, their strategy, and their people. Leading with confidence involves important nuances like avoiding the opposite (leading from a place of fear) and learning how to handle criticism. It also involves knowing not only what traits to project but what behaviors to avoid.

In fact, super confident people seek opportunities to celebrate the success of others. And I've learned the more praise you give away, the more comes back to you.

1. They don't seek attention and praise.

Excuses are an attempt to dodge accountability and blame. Confident people embrace accountability and don't worry about being blamed. They own their mistakes and command respect accordingly. They don't hide behind circumstances or lack of resources to justify not accomplishing something.

2. They refuse to make excuses.

Defensiveness is just another form of blame-dodging--even worse than the above because it often involves not just avoiding blame but redirecting and projecting it onto someone else. Confident people are open-minded about their mistakes and what they could have done better, thus avoiding the need to redirect anything to anyone.

3. They aren't defensive.

Conflict brings, well, conflict, and the self-assured are sure-handed in dealing with tension. They even look forward to it, viewing it as a mechanism to quickly get past differences and disagreements to move toward resolution.

4. They don't avoid conflict.

Certain types of leaders, those who are certain of themselves, avoid these actions.



Highly Confident People Avoid These 14 Behaviors

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