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Learning to let go
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“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
Ann Landers
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Emotional agility
Exercising emotional agility is one of the most useful ways to let go of past events that are stopping you from moving on. It consists of:
- Connection. Talking it out with someone you feel safe around. Share your experience and your feelings.
- Contribution. Help others who have gone through a similar experience.
- Compassion. Be kind to yourself. Make sure you are making progress, but don’t rush it. It’s not a race.
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Letting go of the illusion of control
We need to give control to get control.
This means giving people (the people you love, your employees, even yourself) the flexibility to experience with the rules. Instead of a rigid framework, define one with key principles.
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Why it's hard to let go of physical things
- Because they have sentimental value. This value can come from past experiences or future expectations.
- Because we are scared to be wasteful. Maybe we think that an object could be needed again in the future, or we feel guilty about the money we spent in the first place.
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Letting go of things
Learning to let go of things is about reflecting on the real value of your belongings and letting go of the unnecessary ones.
- Start the process of getting rid of stuff progressively: begin with the easy ones - items you don’t even remember what they are or what they’re supposed to be used for.
- Slowly move up towards more sentimental items. Ask yourself: “Why do I care about this item?”
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“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
Deborah Reber
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Letting go of relationships
Learning to let go of people is not always a negative experience. You can use it an opportunity for personal growth.
- Let yourself feel all the range of emotions the relationship brings about.
- Take time to reflect: What did you learn from this relationship?
- Forgive and be grateful for the lessons you learned about the world and yourself, and keep the positive moments as reminders of a relationship that helped you grow.
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Letting go of goals
Sometimes, specific goals can limit your learning opportunities.
Keep a bit of space in your life for discovery, for doing things just for the sake of it.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
When lifelong dreams crumble
All of us have hopes and dreams for the future that become part of our identity. But then reality gets in the way. Your passion may fade, or the obstacles to realising the dream ma...
Come to terms with your decision
As you let go of your dream, you may fear you're making a mistake.
- There's no calculus for knowing when to give up. If pursuing your dream comes at great personal cost to your relationships and other goals in life (which is different from a 'harmonious passion'), that would suggest it was wise to give it up.
- Success is not all or nothing. You may not have fulfilled your dream, but you likely learned much along the way, giving you a chance to redirect your energy and passions in new ways.
Goal adjustment capacity
Psychologists see goal adjustment capacity as a beneficial form of 'self-regulation' or 'self-management.'
It contains two parts:
- The ability to disengage from fruitless goals
- The ability to know when and how to change to new, more productive goals.
Those who are flexible and adaptable are generally happier, perform better. They often get promoted. If you are thinking of giving up your dream, it suggests you have a healthy willingness to adjust and adapt.
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Understanding
The first step in forgiveness is to understand "why" someone acts the way they do. What are they trying to protect? What are they afraid of? What basic skills did they learn (or not learn) ...
Feel and express your emotions
Until we fully release our emotions, they continue to affect our present mindset.
- Do anger work. Allow yourself to be fully disappointed, sad or depressed. Talk about it.
- Write a letter. Purging emotions out on paper give them a place to live outside of yourself.
- Talk to the person (if possible). This is only helpful if it is safe for you to speak with the person. It is usually not effective when you are angry or until you have processed your emotions significantly on your own.
Rebuild safety
Create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship.
This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines.
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Change and the unchangeable
Meaning and relationships
- We generate meaning through relationships. And meaning is the fuel of our minds.
- Our relationships also define our understanding of ourselves. And when one of these relationships is destroyed, that part of our identity is destroyed along with it.
Depression vs. sadness
- Sadness occurs when something feels bad.
- Depression occurs when something feels meaningless.
When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void.