Out of the too-much-ness is birthed this unending sense of anxiety, this feeling of stress that people can’t ever seem to shake. We could blame social media, relational obligations, toxic workplaces, genetics, trauma, or the state of the world for these feelings of anxiety. However, pointing a finger at the cause of the noise isn’t enough. If we are bogged down by perpetual feelings of being, doing, or experiencing too much, then doesn’t it make sense to simply do less? But this simple concept is not so simple in practice.

Constant State Of Anxiety

Doing less is a practice and a mindset. It means that we actively choose to balance our schedules to give space to both our obligations and our rest. It means that we also tune into the mental chaos that surrounds our times of rest and work toward releasing the dialogue that perpetuates a sense of busyness.Doing Less means prioritizing our schedules and making space for rest, play, and rejuvenation.

Do Less, Not More

However, doing less can also exist in the moments when we aren’t doing anything.If we make the conscious effort to eliminate things from our schedule and create a day where the intention is to rest, we also have to pay attention to our mindset during those times of rest. If we are doing “nothing” and internalize judgments about doing nothing, then the nothingness is no longer restful.Doing less helps because it is the antidote for what we already do but doesn’t seem to work.

Doing Nothing While Doing Nothing

If we are doing something enjoyable but our mind is fixed on the following day’s stressful meeting or presentation, then that enjoyable thing is no longer enjoyable. We must be mindful of the present and actively edit our internal dialogue so that it promotes the benefits of restfulness.Research shows that mindfulness, rest, sleep, and engaging in hobbies improve our mood and, in turn, our quality of life. It is easy to be caught up in the chaos of life.

Being Mindful

Success doesn’t only mean the number of followers gained or the number of dollars earned. Success as a writer — or whatever profession you are pursuing — also must include the quality of your work and the inspiration gained from the topic.Doing less helps because it starts to give our minds and bodies permission to exist, to relax, to take a breath. Making space in our lives to unplug and rejuvenate. Doing less gives room in your life to do things that inspire you and make you feel at peace.

The Calculation Of Success

The average person spends between 7–9 hours on screens every day. Also, the average person only completes about 40% of the tasks on their to-do list. We are operating in this space of nothing and everything. We consume all this content and yet complete little on our list.We are filling our days in ways that leave us feeling perpetually behind. We always have things that must be done, and we never have the time to do those things. Doing less forces us to pause and gain perspective. It attends to the emotional centres of our lived experience neglected by to-do lists and screen time.

Watching Screens All Day

Think about how this foolish-sounding idea might help reduce your stress levels and force you into a state of mindfulness. Notice how the simplest of shifts could — if you open your mind to it — have the most significant impact on your overall wellbeing.<ul><li>Schedule your hobbies</li><li>Go to bed a half hour earlier</li><li>Turn off your music in your car and just drive</li><li>Take your lunch break by yourself</li><li>Go outside</li><li>Set a reminder to breathe</li></ul>

Implementing "Doing Less"

The inconvenient solution to stress and anxiety.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Building Contentment in a Busy World

First, know that receiving a Job rejection email doesn’t mean that you’re worthless. You’re way more valuable than you think.At the turn of 2020, when all hopes were hinged on the anticipation of what could be the best year of most people’s lives, the surge that swept across the globe rendering many people jobless would kill such hope — the covid-19 pandemic.While people moaned and lolled in dismay at the misfortunes triggered by the pandemic, some people took the opportunity of remote job hunting.

It's Okay To Get A Rejection Email

Remote job hunting has been the trend since 2020, but the agony it comes with when your job application is unsuccessful can be more stinging than death.“Thank you so much for taking your time to apply for the role of a content writer at Blez company. We know how much time and energy a job application takes. After carefully considering your application against the requirements of the role, we’ve decided not to take your application further. We wish you success in your future endeavours”.

That Sinking Feeling

“Thank you for your interest in the position of social media content manager at Glaspin company. Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your application, but we appreciate your time and interest”.These messages can be very demoralising, and when you receive more than 20 of these messages in a month, you would feel as if you’re the definition of worthless.You’re not!

You Are Not Worthless

When you get a rejection mail, you can raise the bar of your curiosity by replying to the rejection mail immediately. This would help you inquire why you didn’t get picked from the company. Most times, if not all the time, you won’t get any response from them.But replying to the rejection mail will make you let the bad energy and shock received by the mail flow out and give you that relief needed to remind yourself that it’s just a little stain, nothing too serious.

Reply to The Rejection Mail Immediately

Talking about the mail rejection with someone with in-depth knowledge about the job and its basic requirements will help you not feel too bad. It might even be of great help to you in the future.How?When we receive job rejection emails, sometimes it’s due to our fault. We may have the experience required, but we do not have a properly drafted résumé that serves as proof that we match the job description.

Talk About It with Someone Who Has Higher Experience than Yourself

When you receive the pop-up notification and realise it’s one of those insignificant job rejection mail, start laughing.  Start laughing. If you’re with a friend, make a joke about it. If you’re not with a friend, place a call to a friend and crack a joke.Jokes make you feel at ease.

Joke About It with A Friend

Another piece of advice is once you receive that insignificant email, don’t ever let it cool off your steam. It is meant to galvanise you to reapply for another job. There are a host of companies out there looking for your unique services. Don’t let one insignificant email kill your spirit and make you lose that opportunity to land your dream job.

Reapply for Another Job Immediately

“– You are to deliver between 2 to 3 articles a day– You are to deliver between 1000 and 1500 words of each article– You will be placed on a fixed payment of ₦20,000 ($50)”Sometimes reading the job description again is a good idea, but try to find a fault. It always helps.

Go Through the Job Description to Belittle the Job

It might seem depression is creeping in when you’ve received up to 15 rejection emails in a month. This is because you have chosen to let such insignificant emails get the best out of you. To free your mind, go out and enjoy your beautiful time.You’ll forget about it when you start having a good time.

Go out And Have Some Fun

This strategy works best for people who love to plan their life. If you’re a proper planner, then before you click “apply”, weigh the chances of getting the job on a scale of 10. That way, you won’t feel dispirited if you don’t get the job.Some advice: always go below a 5 on a scale of 10. And never raise all hopes, even if you’re the best fit for the job in your books.

Pre-Determine Your Expectations

Lastly, When you get insignificant emails, 99% of the time, it is not because you’re not good enough. It’s because you applied late, and someone else has already been onboarded to fill that position.Sometimes, you might see over 200 applications for a job requiring only two persons.And even when most companies assure you that they review all applications, in all honesty, they don’t.It’s not easy to review over 1000 applications, especially in a short time. So why let it weigh you down? Move on!

Move On! Don’t Think Much About It

I struggled to stay positive when I received my first job rejection email till I adopted some intelligent strategies that helped me overcome job rejection

career

Career

How to Handle Job Rejection Email

When you are having fun, you want to do work; you don't need to give yourself discipline or gain motivation or create some fake reward; instead, you enjoy doing the things you need to do, thus making work more enjoyable. This video is based on the book Gamification.

Why should you care?

8 Core drivers that video games tap into and if we understand what it is then we can understand how we can implement it into our day to day life. Thus making life better.

Octalysis Framework

Make whatever you need to do have meaning and joy for you. The reason for this is that if you truly believe  in it then it will be much easier to actually complete it.

Epic and Meaning

When you level up and get better it makes whatever you are doing feel much better.People play video games to get better when we can see ourselves improving it makes us want to do more and get better. Have checkpoints or ways that you can see yourself improving.

Development and Accomplishment

<ul><li>How can I be more creative with this?</li><li>How can I gain more feedback</li></ul>

Empowerment of Creativity and Feedback

It has been studied that when you feel like you own something you take better care and cherish that thing significantly more. So any project that you are working on even if you don't like it. View it as YOUR project that YOU are responsible for and try to do your best to make it a good representation of you.

Ownership and Possesions

We play the same video games that our friends play so having a community that supports you and helps you when you face challenges is very important.

Social Influence or Relativeness

One thing I especially liked is the Octalysis Framework. Wow I enjoyed this!

My main philosophy for being more productive is simply to have fun, even when you're doing the smaller boring tasks. Researcher Yu-kai Chou has figured out how to do this using the addictive frameworks games use to draw players in to hours of play. He explains all the strategies in his book 'Actionable Gamification', which I break down in this video. MENTIONED IN THE VIDEO: Buy Actionable Gamification on Amazon: https://geni.us/JM3z Subscribe to my Deep Dive Podcast, hopefully we get to interview Yu-kai Chou in the future! https://www.youtube.com/c/DeepDivewithAliAbdaal Submit your video ideas and if we pick your video, we'll send you $100 - https://aliabdaal.typeform.com/video-ideas MY FREE ONLINE COURSES: 🚀 Productivity Masterclass - Principles and Tools to Boost Your Productivity - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/productivity 🎬 Video Editing with Final Cut Pro X - From Beginner to YouTuber - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/video-editing 🎓 How to Study for Exams - An Evidence-Based Masterclass - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/studying PART-TIME YOUTUBER ACADEMY: 🍿 My 6-week live online course - https://academy.aliabdaal.com CREATORPRENEUR 💰 My flag-ship course for scaling up your creative side-hustle - https://go.aliabdaal.com/creatorpreneur YOUTUBE FOR BEGINNERS COURSE 📸 This is for anyone who'd like to start a YouTube channel. You'll learn everything you need to get started as a YouTuber including how to script, shoot, and edit your first video - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/YouTube-for-Beginners MY FAVOURITE GEAR: 🎥 My YouTube Camera Gear - https://kit.co/AliAbdaal ⌨️ My Keyboard - Wireless Coral mechanical keyboard (Cherry Blue) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/keyboard 📝 My favourite iPad Screen Protector - Paperlike - https://go.aliabdaal.com/paperlike 🎒 My Desk Accessories + Todo List - Ugmonk - https://go.aliabdaal.com/ugmonk MY FAVOURITE SOFTWARE: ✍️ The best summaries of books (Shortform) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/shortform 📚 How I remember what I read (Readwise) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/readwise 🎵 Where I get my Music (amazing for YouTubers) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/epidemicsound 🎙 Deep Dive podcast - https://www.youtube.com/c/DeepDivewithAliAbdaal/ The podcast that delves into the minds of entrepreneurs, creators and other inspiring people to uncover the philosophies, strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. You can find it by searching “Deep Dive” on any podcast app (eg: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts etc). BE MY FRIEND: 💌 Sign up to my weekly email newsletter - https://aliabdaal.com/friendzone/ 🌍 My website / blog - https://www.aliabdaal.com 📸 Instagram - https://instagram.com/aliabdaal 🐦 Twitter - https://twitter.com/aliabdaal 💙 The Friendzone Discord - https://discord.gg/Dh2kGavffd 🎮 Twitch - https://twitch.tv/aliabdaal PS: Some of the links in this description are affiliate links that I get a kickback from 😜

productivity

Productivity

My main philosophy for being more productive is simply to have fun, even when you're doing the smaller boring tasks. Researcher Yu-kai Chou has figured out how to do this using the addictive frameworks games use to draw players in to hours of play. 

He explains all the strategies in his book 'Actionable Gamification', which I break down in this video. 

MENTIONED IN THE VIDEO: 
Buy Actionable Gamification on Amazon: https://geni.us/JM3z
Subscribe to my Deep Dive Podcast, hopefully we get to interview Yu-kai Chou in the future! https://www.youtube.com/c/DeepDivewithAliAbdaal

Submit your video ideas and if we pick your video, we'll send you $100 -  https://aliabdaal.typeform.com/video-ideas

MY FREE ONLINE COURSES:
🚀  Productivity Masterclass - Principles and Tools to Boost Your Productivity - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/productivity
🎬  Video Editing with Final Cut Pro X - From Beginner to YouTuber - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/video-editing
🎓  How to Study for Exams - An Evidence-Based Masterclass - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/studying

PART-TIME YOUTUBER ACADEMY:
🍿 My 6-week live online course - https://go.aliabdaal.com/ptya_aliabdaal

CREATORPRENEUR
💰 My flag-ship course for scaling up your creative side-hustle - https://go.aliabdaal.com/creatorpreneur

YOUTUBE FOR BEGINNERS COURSE
📸 This is for anyone who'd like to start a YouTube channel. You'll learn everything you need to get started as a YouTuber including how to script, shoot, and edit your first video - https://go.aliabdaal.com/course/YouTube-for-Beginners

MY FAVOURITE GEAR:
🎥  My YouTube Camera Gear - https://kit.co/AliAbdaal
⌨️  My Keyboard - Wireless Coral mechanical keyboard (Cherry Blue) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/keyboard 
📝  My favourite iPad Screen Protector - Paperlike - https://go.aliabdaal.com/paperlike 
🎒 My Desk Accessories + Todo List - Ugmonk - https://go.aliabdaal.com/ugmonk

MY FAVOURITE SOFTWARE:
✍️ The best summaries of books (Shortform) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/shortform
📚  How I remember what I read (Readwise) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/readwise 
🎵  Where I get my Music (amazing for YouTubers) - https://go.aliabdaal.com/epidemicsound

🎙 Deep Dive podcast - https://www.youtube.com/c/DeepDivewithAliAbdaal/
The podcast that delves into the minds of entrepreneurs, creators and other inspiring people to uncover the philosophies, strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. You can find it by searching “Deep Dive” on any podcast app (eg: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts etc). 

BE MY FRIEND:
💌  Sign up to my weekly email newsletter - https://aliabdaal.com/friendzone/
🌍  My website / blog - https://www.aliabdaal.com 
📸  Instagram - https://instagram.com/aliabdaal
🐦  Twitter - https://twitter.com/aliabdaal
💙  The Friendzone Discord - https://discord.gg/Dh2kGavffd
🎮  Twitch - https://twitch.tv/aliabdaal

PS: Some of the links in this description are affiliate links that I get a kickback from 😜

📚 Check out my first book Feel-Good Productivity here: https://www.feelgoodproductivity.com/

Hey, I'm Ali, a doctor turned entrepreneur, and the world’s most followed productivity expert 😜 

On this channel, we explore evidence-based strategies and tools that can help us be more productive, and build a life that we love. 

If that sounds interesting, consider subscribing! See you in the next video x

Ali Abdaal

How to Make Productivity More Fun

How I Make Work Fun

Nagging, repetitive thoughts are the engine for music like Selena Gomez’s, “Back To You” and movies like Jason Segel’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Once the pesky feelings start, they’re hard to stop, and suppressing them just exacerbates the problem.Instead of rejecting thoughts after they arrive, we can prevent them from getting there in the first place.Reactive control can be particularly problematic because thoughts are self-reinforcing. People can partially preempt this process if they want to ensure that this thought comes to mind as little as possible.

Unwelcome Thoughts

Although people could not avoid unwanted thoughts, they could ensure that thinking about an unwanted thought does not increase the probability of it coming to mind again. Fighting your mind’s natural associations could help you win a game of <a href="https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/1111/taboo">Taboo</a> or prevent you from dwelling on a harsh breakup whenever you hear a crooning Taylor Swift song.some psychiatric diseases inhibit a person’s ability to control intrusive thoughts. The experiments and models could highlight the neural pathways that hinder thought control in clinically diagnosed patients.

Fighting With Repetitive, Destructive Thoughts

Scientist recently found that people can’t avoid unwanted thoughts, but they can limit how unrelenting they become.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mindfulness

Mindfulness

Research Suggests How to Prevent Unwelcome Thoughts

Ever wonder where the day went? It’s not uncommon to reach the late afternoon and marvel at why you didn’t gain more traction on your to-do list. That’s because the workstyle most of us use is reactive.Many of us are feeling overwhelmed, and remote working arrangements aren’t necessarily helping, because they increase the amount and forms of communication you must track. The challenge is our brain’s instinctual reaction to overwhelm.

Reactive Work Style

We have a hangover from our ancestors that doesn’t really work in the modern world. Anytime your ‘ancient’ brain perceives that something is more than you can handle, it sees it as a threat and triggers the stress response. Stress today is social stress, but it still sets off the automatic response of fight or flight.It’s possible to manage our thoughts so we’re not just reacting in panic mode all day long. Setting these boundaries will help you work in a more sustainable way.

More Work Is Stressful, Biologically

Part of your brain is always asking, “What’s wrong?” “How am I going to make it? “What’s next?” Self-inflicted stress is the frenzy and frazzles to get to the next item on the list.To get anything done during the workday with focused attention, you need to tap into your working memory. The human brain is limited to three or four thought chunks for only a few seconds.

Attention Management

Unfortunately, interruptions blow up working memory. We have the rise of what’s called ‘attention deficit trait. It’s not ADHD, but it mimics the same symptoms. Your attention span shrinks, you have a hard time staying on task, you flit from one thing to the next, and you have more time urgency because you’re falling behind.To regain your attention, calm your mind. Count backward from 100 to zero in your brain. Since we don’t do this every day, we have to pay attention to it. If your thoughts stray, just come back to the next number down the line. The exercise is relaxing and calming.

The Working Memory Is Always Stressed

Exercise is a good stress reducer because it brings your brain back to the centre. Or focus on your breath. It massively increases your attention. Deliberative breathing shuts down the acceleration of the stress response. It’s strongest in the immediate few minutes after the button gets pushed.We think because something’s in our head, we got to pay attention to it. We don’t. We can try to be thought-free, as hard as it sounds.

Focus On Your Breath

In order to have more attention, it’s important to set the terms of engagement with your devices. Disruptions erode your impulse control, and interruptions make anything you do seem more difficult and aggravating than it is. Humans are allowed to set the rules on the devices.The impulse control mechanism is located in a part of the executive attention function of the brain called effortful control. Interruptions shred it and make us self-distract and lose the ability to regulate impulsivity and stay on task. Managing interruptions, then, is key.

Interruption Management

Another boundary your brain needs is the ability to let things go in order to return to work. This is called “barking” management.Does your dog bark hours, days, months, or years after another dog walks past your yard? He drops the event as soon as it’s over like it never happened. But that’s not what humans do. We keep barking. We hang on to the event, and that’s what causes our stress—but we don’t have to.Hanging onto stress is rumination. We can play a big role in shutting down this ancient reflex by managing the thoughts in your brain.

Barking Management

We’re very verbal creatures, and a lot of words are flowing through our brains. They attach themselves in a random way. They fuse with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and moods in our brain and come out in the form of a thought.For example, if you have a confrontation with someone at work and your thoughts drive you to a conclusion that you can’t take it anymore, you’ll be worse off than you were because you’ve self-defined yourself as being in a bad state. Labelling your thoughts as thoughts separates you from knee-jerk, emotion-word fusings that hold you hostage to false beliefs.

Thought Labelling

We are not hard drives with hair.After two hours of time on task, the brain has to get off task to relieve strain and reboot.The brain needs daily, weekend, and vacation resets. Robinson says productivity goes up after 10-minute breaks, 20-minute breaks, and dramatically after a vacation. Recreation and relaxation also allow you to put away whatever you’ve been thinking about over and over and recover. If you don’t, you’ll come back to work the next day with the stress still there.

Refueling Management

So many of us feel overwhelmed. Setting boundaries allows you work in a more sustainable—and less reactive—way.

These are the 4 boundaries your brain needs to feel less overwhelmed

It's okay to take a break once in a while it is essential. The human body is the greatest machine that was ever invented just like any hardworking piece of machinery we are vulnerable to overload, especially with the increasing abundance that we are consuming daily.So it's important to hit the refresh button after a hard day of work to ensure we stay at the top of our game.This is what I did in my burnout to keep myself sane.

Take A Break

Surrender to your burnout. Burnout might be a sign that you've been focusing on a difficult task or maybe you're headed in the wrong direction. This is an important time to STOP and refocus.Action steps :• Slow down • Get some sunlight to reenergize • Meditate ;focus on your breathing• Immerse yourself in nature and you'd be surprised how powerful it is to be in nature (something energizing about listening to and watching birds).• Take a walk (morning and/or afternoon to clear your head.• Take a nap or breaks between your work• Shut off all devices to remove unnecessary distractions.

Rest

Situate yourself in silence to let your mind wander and form new ideas and connections. Allow yourself to evaluate your situation without getting reactive.Action Steps :Be an observer of your thoughts.• Try to get ten minutes of solitude in the morning before diving into the chaos • Observe your thoughts, meditation also helps here in this regard.• Write down your thoughts without passing judgment just observe.• If you feel creative, sketch your thoughts on paper. • Try to get a few minutes before bed to reflect on your day.

Reflect

Recover your energy and get back into your work refocused. You are not doing anyone any favors by overworking yourself. it's best to take a break and dive back in with a fresh set of ideas rather than producing a lot of work that ends up disappointing you and your team.Quality always trumps quantity.

Reset

Feeling burnt out and looking for solutions? Try these out

BURNOUT 

People make snap judgements about who they think you are based on extremely subtle cues.That’s how it is, but we can take advantage of this aspect of human nature.Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability:

Why Is This For You?

Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a sense of pride into your general demeanour will do two things. Firstly, people will sense the difference and associate you with higher status, even if there’s nothing else contributing to this idea. We’re still basically chimps in clothes. The leader of the pack walks tall and a little slower.

1. Straighten up your posture a fraction.

Ok, wise guy — I didn’t say don’t smile at all, so don’t give me shit for this. Also, this applies far more to men than women.A non-smiley man is mysterious and often sexy to ladies.Not the case for women.If you NEVER smile, however, regardless of sex, you just seem miserable and thus lower in social standing.However, if you’re sparing with your smiles, you actually come across as more authentic — they did studies on this.Plus, when you DO smile, its effect is magnified, which melts hearts.

2. Smile less.

You must look your best physically, given the cards you were dealt.I’m sorry that human nature is the way it is and things aren’t fair, but nature is not fair.There is a lot, however, we can do to improve our looks through losing that extra weight,, getting a haircut, fixing our teeth, and so on.Slovenly-looking schlubs are simply more likely to be viewed as lower status. If you take care of yourself others will take care of you.

3. Physical looks.

Talking and moving a fraction slower tells us this: you don’t rush for anyone; you’re comfortable in your skin and have faith that things will work out. Rushers are subservient to time. Slow movers have the world mould to their reality. The other advantage of this, beyond attracting attention as a high-value person, is that everything becomes easier. Rushing complicates, and it also puts others at ease.

4. Slower movements.

Whether we like it or not, an unironed shirt suggests you care less than the guy standing tall with an ironed shirt and clean shoes.Tidy up before you head out the door. Comb your knotted hair. Wash out the stains on your trousers.Tiny changes — major influence.

5. Sharpen up your clothing.

You needn’t be combative, critical or judgemental. I’m talking about being a little slower to agree with those you’re with.Give what people are saying some thought.Allow for some space in conversations.Be ok with silence.

6. Slower to agree.

It is implied through behaviour, mannerisms, and what isn’t said. True ‘high status’ isn’t a material thing at all — it’s far more to do with one’s character. The high-status individual cares more that they win while others are also winning. So they focus their attention on what’s good about other people and make a point of making others feel important. This is highly respectable. In this way, you can be broke but possess status through how you relate to people.

7. Rarely draw attention to self.

Why?Because leaders have the power to lift those around them; otherwise, they couldn’t make any impact.This is highly attractive and can take courage, especially when stressed.You will stand out when you can keep things light and motivate people to act, no matter the situation.

8. Stay Upbeat.

Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability: Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a…

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

communication

Communication

8 behaviours that instantly increase your perceived value

At intoxicating levels, alcohol is a vasodilator (it causes blood vessels to relax and widen), but at even higher levels, it becomes a vasoconstrictor, shrinking the vessels and increasing blood pressure, exacerbating such conditions as migraine headaches and frostbite.

Is alcohol a vasodilator or vasoconstrictor?

Scientific American is the essential guide to the most awe-inspiring advances in science and technology, explaining how they change our understanding of the world and shape our lives.

health

Health

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

What are the effects of alcohol on the brain?

Many things contribute to the way we define ourselves. Some we have no choice on, like where you’re born, while others we get to define, like an affiliation with a political party.We tend to think of the events of our past as something in the “no choice” category. They happened and we can’t change how it’s affected us, right? But what if you can change the way your past impacts your identity?From the foods we love to the situations that are uncomfortable, it’s all information we picked up through past experience.Past experiences become the lens through which we view life and ourselves.

How To Change The Way You See Your Past — And Reclaim Your Future

Explore the negative impacts of a past experience. Start by asking yourself how an experience has made you see yourself. Maybe getting bullied on the playground made you feel different from other people. Maybe you have a hard time expressing yourself now, or maybe you identify as having low self-esteem. You can’t change the events of the past, but you can tell yourself a different story about it. A story where you’re the hero. Look for ways you have grown from the experience. How have you taken that negative period from your past and made it into a strength?

Choose a New Perspective

Finding strengths you’ve picked up due to the past can sometimes feel a little like rewarding the person or people who created the negative situation — but it’s not. It’s not about appreciating the individual for their bad acts. It’s appreciating yourself for making lemonade out of the lemons you were handed. You don’t have to feel grateful for people who have hurt you.You get to feel strong for the ways you’ve improved, despite those bad actors.

You’re the hero of this story

This is not about denial or changing the facts. It’s okay to recognize the feelings that come up when thinking about difficult past events.At the same time, though, you can adopt a positive outlook about yourself as a result. This will encourage you to take on a new identity, one where you feel strong and confident. One where you see the skills you’ve learned and ways you’ve become a better version of yourself.The very act of putting the spotlight on the positive ways you’ve turned the past around is an act of control. You’re in charge of how you see yourself.

A change for the better 

The story we tell ourselves about who we are and how we are is a mindset. A mindset is a habitual perspective - a story we tell ourselves over and over. It is a way of seeing things. The good news is, habits are changeable. It just takes a little commitment. Your perspective of your identity is the foundation of your self-esteem. No matter how negatively a past experience has impacted you, the very fact that you’re still here makes you a survivor. Even if you struggle, your tenacity allows you to keep going.

Finding the better story

Here are some ways to uncover the positive elements of your story.List a few of the most pivotal moments from your past.Maybe you’re more compassionate and understanding toward others who are going through something similar. Perhaps, you’ve become more patient with people. You might be quick to make newcomers feel included because you grew up feeling shy. Or, maybe you’re a good listener because of something you’ve gone through.How have these experiences helped you appreciate things?Maybe you sought solace in nature or with animals and now you’re an animal lover or enjoy natural spaces.

Writing a new story of you

What strengths or skills have you developed as a result of those negative past events?Are you a good planner, as a result of growing up in a chaotic house? Maybe, you’re a natural peacekeeper due to feuding parents. What are some of the positive experiences from your past?Our built-in negativity bias puts the focus on the hard times. What positive experiences allowed you to grow and flourish in ways you’re still experiencing today?

Remember, it doesn’t mean you need to feel glad for past difficulties, especially if you were victimized. You’re not telling the person or circumstances that what happened is okay. Instead, you’re choosing to view yourself as a strong, resilient survivor. You’re turning lemons into lemonade, not for them, but for yourself.

Past Difficulties

“The old you is only a shadow of the reality which is the new you. The shadow is useless without its reality.”-Efrat Cybulkiewicz

Quote on the past

How to  Change the Way You View the Past - And Reclaim Your Future

Past Experiences Become The Lens Through Which We View Life And Ourselves. Here's How To Shift Them For A Brighter Future.

There’s a simple reason for that: as expressed by researchers for the Review of General Psychology, “If satisfaction and pleasure were permanent, there might be little incentive to continue seeking further benefits or advances.”In other words, feeling contented wasn’t good for the species.Our ancestors worked harder and strove further because they evolved to be perpetually perturbed, and so we remain today.

Why Are We Perpetually Restless And Unsatisfied?

Or, the 4 psychological factors that make satisfaction temporary.<ol><li>Boredom</li><li> Negativity Bias</li><li>Rumination</li><li>Hedonic Adaptation</li></ol>Taken together, these 4 components add up to a lot of dissatisfaction in life, even if our circumstances are truly great.As the author of one study explains, as “new goals continually capture one’s attention, one constantly strives to be happy without realizing that in the long run such efforts are futile.”Humans may be wired to pursue happiness, but we’re not too well equipped to experience it.

The 4 Components of Dissatisfaction

The lengths people will go to avoid boredom are shocking. Literally.A 2014 study published in Science observed participants who were asked to sit in a room and think for fifteen minutes. The room was empty except for a device that allowed participants to mildly but painfully electrocute themselves.“Why would anyone want to do that?” you might ask.The study demonstrated that people dislike being alone with their thoughts so much, they’ll prefer to do anything else, even if that activity is negative.

Dissatisfaction Factor #1: Boredom

It’s been defined as “a phenomenon in which negative events are more salient and demand attention more powerfully than neutral or positive events.”Such pessimism begins very early in life. Babies begin to show signs of negativity bias starting at just 7 months of age, suggesting this tendency is inborn. As the author of one study concluded, “It appears to be a basic, pervasive fact of psychology that bad is stronger than good.” Good things are nice, but bad things can kill you. That’s why we pay attention to the bad stuff first and remember it better.

Dissatisfaction Factor #2: Negativity Bias

If you’ve ever chewed on something that you did, or that someone did to you, over and over again, then you’ve experienced rumination, which is our tendency to keep thinking about bad experiences.This “passive comparison of one’s current situation with some unachieved standard,” can manifest in self-critical thoughts such as, “Why can’t I handle things better?”As one study notes, “By reflecting on what went wrong and how to rectify it, people may be able to discover sources of error or alternative strategies, ultimately leading to not repeating mistakes and possibly doing better in the future.”

Dissatisfaction Factor #3: Rumination

Hedonic adaptation is the tendency to quickly return to a baseline level of satisfaction no matter what happens to us in life and may be the cruelest of all 4 factors. Hedonic adaptation is Mother Nature’s bait-and-switch. All sorts of life events we think would make us happier actually don’t—or at least, not for long.As David Myers writes in The Pursuit Of Happiness, “Every desirable experience—passionate love, a spiritual high, the pleasure of a new possession, the exhilaration of success—is transitory.”

Dissatisfaction Factor #4: Hedonic Adaptation

Dissatisfaction is responsible for our species’ advancements, and if you never felt it, you’d be at a serious disadvantage. Discontent is not a reason to give up on success. Rather, it’s a reason to introduce the opportunity for frequent and meaningful victories into our lives. Every day is a chance to live according to our values, which Nir Eyal defines as “attributes of the person we want to be”. Living out our values means spending our time purposefully on the things that we decide are important.

Dissatisfaction Is Energy

We can live out our values—very concretely—if we build our values into our calendar. That “simply” means scheduling time for what matters most. By turning our values into time, we make sure we have time for traction. At the end of the day, we can look at what we intended to do, compare it to what we ended up doing, and celebrate our victory when we stayed on track.If you (still) find yourself feeling unhappy with life, that doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated.The takeaway here is that if you’re unhappy, you’re normal.

How We Can Live Out Our Values

The 18th century poet Samuel Johnson said, “My life is one long escape from myself.” Sounds “‘mad, bad and sad”? The truth is, we’re not wired to feel content or satisfied. Ever. Here’s the surprising psychology of why dissatisfaction is hardwired and why that’s a good thing.

Why are we perpetually restless and unsatisfied? The truth is, we’re not wired to feel content or satisfied. Here's why that's a good thing.

Why We’re Never Going to Be Satisfied With Life

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