How To Win Friends and Influence People Summary

• Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

We aren’t able to make real changes by criticizing people, and we’re instead often met with resentment. It’s important to remember that when dealing with people, we’re dealing not with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, who are motivated by pride and ego.

Criticism is futile and dangerous. It puts a person in a defensive mode. People learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior

It is common for everyone to make mistakes, and when someone does something wrong, it is not productive to criticize them directly. Criticizing can make them feel inferior and defensive, leading to justification of their actions. Instead, it is better to show forgiveness and, if necessary, address the mistake indirectly rather than directly.

Sigmund Freud, a renowned psychologist who explored the human psyche and subconsciousness, posited that all human actions can be traced back to two fundamental motivations: the sex drive and the desire to be great.

For some individuals, the need for validation is so strong that a simple compliment can be enough to forge a new friendship.

It's important to recognize that a person's name is a significant part of their identity and hearing it can make them feel better. So Remembering someone's name can make them feel valued and appreciated.

Make an effort to remember the names of people you meet and use their name when addressing them. This demonstrates that you care about them and can help create a deeper connection. By doing so, you are not only acknowledging their name, but also acknowledging their importance as an individual.

Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the most popular self-help books of all time. It has sold over 30 million copies. The key insight is that people are more likely to be persuaded by those who they like and respect:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile to show that you're interested in someone.
3. Remember names so people feel like you're paying attention to them.
4. Be a good listener and not interrupt.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make the other person feel important by acknowledging people's accomplishments

This is the most important principle in Carnegie's book. It's about taking the time to learn about other people's interests and concerns. When you show genuine interest in someone, they're more likely to feel like you're paying attention to them and that you value their company.

His tips for becoming genuinely interested in other people:

• Ask questions about their interests.
• Listen attentively to their answers.
• Show that you're interested by making eye contact, nodding your head, and smiling.
• Find common ground with them.
• Be empathetic and try to see things from their perspective.

Smiling may seem like a simple gesture, but its impact is enormous. When you smile, you communicate to others that you are happy to see them. People are drawn to those who exude positivity and warmth.

Tips for smiling more:

• Make eye contact with the person you're talking to.
• Smile naturally, without forcing it.
• Smile often, even when you don't feel like it.
• Smile at people you don't know.

This chapter teaches the first principle of human relations: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Criticism hurts people’s pride and makes them resist change. The author gives examples of criminals, Lincoln, and others to show the effects of criticism and understanding. He advises us to improve ourselves, reward good behavior, and appreciate people’s motives. This will help us get along with people better.

This chapter explains the second principle of human relations: Give honest and sincere appreciation. The author claims that people crave for recognition and praise and that giving them genuine appreciation can win their cooperation and loyalty. He warns against flattery, which is insincere and manipulative. He gives examples of how leaders like Lincoln, Schwab, and Carnegie used appreciation to motivate and influence others. He advises us to look for the good in people and make them feel important.

This chapter explains the third principle of human relations: Arouse in the other person an eager want. The author argues that people are motivated by their own desires, not by ours and that we can influence them by showing them how our proposal benefits them. He gives examples of how to use this principle in sales, business letters, negotiations, and personal situations. He advises us to ask ourselves: “How can I make this person want to do it?” and to appeal to their interests and needs.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to tell you about themselves.

People love the smile on other people's faces. The more you smile, the more pleasant the interlocutor will have a dialogue with you.

Remember that for a person, the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound of human speech.

Rule 1: Become genuinely interested in other people

Rule 2: Smile

Rule 3: Remember that a person's name to them is the sweetest and most important sound in any language

Rule 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

Rule 5: Talk in terms of the other man's interest.

Rule 6: Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Principle 1: Do not criticize, condemn or complain

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want

• Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

• Give honest and sincere appreciation.

• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

🔝 Criticizing often breeds resentment and does not result in positive change. It’s important to remember that when dealing with people, we’re dealing not with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, who are motivated by pride and ego.

• When we deal with others, we should keep in mind their pride and ego.
• 🤐 Criticism can be futile and dangerous, often putting a person on the defensive mode.
• 🎉 People learn best through positive reinforcement, not punishment.

🧠"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

- William James

The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own

I learned from this book the value of good communication with others and the best way to communicate for maximal success in relationships, happiness, business, and life overall

I practiced these ideas until they became second nature and they have to proved to be very useful in many aspects of my life

I will share the fundamental principles so people can better apply them to their lives

Stash the Ideas that have the greatest impact on you and write them down where you can see them so you won't forget to apply them in your everyday life

1. Don't Criticise, condemn or complain - We learn faster and retain knowledge better when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation - People need to feel appreciated. Sincere appreciation of someone will be remembered long after your interaction with them
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want - To influence someone you need to talk about what they want and then show them how they can get it

Someone's name play a major role in their life. It's something that they hear right from their childhood!

• Remember that a person's name is the sweetest sound they can eveer hear.
• So, remember names of people. A way to do this, would be picturing them inside your mind, with their names.
• Use their names again and again in a convo. They would sincerely feel good about it. 
• Honour their names, if you can. If you're the leader, always keep others' names before yours.

When you start thinking about things that you might have done to save that important relation, your brain might enter in an endless loop of possibilities! Here are some points that might save you from entering that situation again, or might revive that tangled relation!

1. Don't criticize:

• Criticism, if not done positively, can impact a relation a lot. So, if you're not sure, dodge this as much as you can.
• Criticims in most cases works against you.
• The best would be a willingness to understand. 

Sometimes, the gap between flattery and appreciation seems, but it is there. Understand the following:

• Flattery, or cheap praise, is generally insincere.
• Flattery is something that you do from your brain, appreciation takes birrth from heart.
• In the longer run, flattery is bound to do harm in some form or other.
• Flattery is selfish, it is something that you do for your own.
• Appreciation has a good mental effect on both, the giver and the reciever.

Summary: Give honest, and sincere appreciation.