How To Win Friends and Influence People - Deepstash
How To Win Friends and Influence People

16 IDEAS

380K reads

How To Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

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Essential Techniques For Handling People

  • Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want.

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We aren’t able to make real changes by criticizing people, and we’re instead often met with resentment. It’s important to remember that when dealing with people, we’re dealing not with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, who are motivated by pride and ego.

Criticism is futile and dangerous. It puts a person in a defensive mode. People learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior

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William James

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

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The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own.

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We are interested in others when they are interested in us.

If you want to make friends, put yourself out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.

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The Power Of Smiling

You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.

Actions speak louder than words, and a genuine smile says, “I like you, You make me happy". But an insincere grin doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it.

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Calling someone by their name is like paying them a very subtle compliment. Conversely, forgetting or misspelling someone's name can have the opposite effect and make it feel as though we are distant and disinterested in them.

From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as you deal with others.

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To be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.

Most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.

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THEODORE ROOSEVELT

"The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most."

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Make People Feel Important

People want the approval of those with whom they come in contact. They want recognition of their true worth. They want a feeling that they are essential to the world.

But they don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery - they crave sincere appreciation.

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  • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Neversay, “You’re wrong.”
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  • Begin in a friendly way.
  • Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  • Appeal to the nobler motives.
  • Dramatize your ideas.
  • Throw down a challenge.

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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

If we lose the argument, we lose; if we win the argument, we have made the other person feel inferior, hurt his pride, and made him resent us. In other words, we still lose.

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When talking with people, we should never begin with the points on which we disagree. We should start by emphasizing the things on which we agree, and be sure to convey that we’re both striving for the same result - our differences are in method, but not purpose.

The key is to keep our opponent from saying “no,” as this is a very difficult sentiment to overcome.

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Don't Condemn, Try To Understand

One of the fundamental keys to successful human relations is understanding that other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think they are.

Put yourself in their place. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.

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  • Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  • Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  • Let the other person save face.
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
  • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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Principles to follow:

  • Become genuinely interested in other people.
  • Smile.
  • Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  • Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

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