We frequently prefer to suffer in silence or try to do everything alone rather than ask for help since it is so uncomfortable.Many people thought that asking for help even for a small task would reveal their weakness, but the thoughts are not always accurate. So keep in mind the following points while you are asking for HELP..

How to ask for help..

It can provide you with much-needed practical and emotional support while also protecting you from burnout.

1.Asking for help can be uncomfortable, but it’s a Vital skill

Self-criticism, fears about how others will see you, and other ideas and thoughts might deter people from seeking treatment, although they aren't always reasonable or truthful.

2.Check your assumptions about asking for help.

There are advantages and disadvantages to asking for help, but the long-term rewards frequently surpass any short-term expenses. Bh

3.Make a decision to ask for help.

Consider who has the skills, abilities, or information to effectively assist you – and who is likely to respond positively to the request.

4.Choose whom to ask.

Give someone time to consider your request for assistance if at all possible, and avoid asking when they are agitated or upset.

5.Consider the best time to ask.

As you ask for help, pay attention to any feelings of fear, anxiety, or humiliation that occur. Make a list of your feelings, muster your bravery, and ask anyhow.

6.Ask in the face of discomfort.

Be open, direct and respectful: eg, ‘I’ve been struggling with ____. Would you be willing to ____?’.

7.Use assertive communication skills.

Make your request as simple and specific as possible. If you're not sure what kind of assistance you require, see if you can discuss it together.

8.Be as clear as possible about what you need.

Don't assume the worst when it comes to why someone has turned you down. Obtaining assistance frequently necessitates contacting a number of people.

9.If the request is denied, consider other options.

It’s not always easy to ask for help but, fortunately, it is a skill that can be improved.

You’re not weak or lazy – everyone needs support. Follow these steps to learn when to reach out, who to go to and what to say

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

health

Health

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Problem Solving

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Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

How to ask for help | Psyche Guides

The Frankfurt School had the luxury and misfortunate privilege of existing in unique times. During the Interwar Period (1918-1939) in the heart of rising Fascism an incredible group of academics and scholars found each other in Germany with a like-minded goal: to provide societal research and reach greater understanding. These are the goals of philosophy in a nutshell. Erich Fromm was part of this group.

What Was The Frankfurt School?

A little perspective is required to understand Fromm’s pursuit and interest in Love. Erich Fromm grew up and got a Ph.D. from the University of Heidelberg in Germany in 1922. He wrote his final dissertation, “On Jewish Law”, as a nod to his Jewish parents and roots.Those aware of history know that this time of the Interwar period is one of the single worst examples of persecution in recorded history. Erich Fromm dealt with this hatred over the next 20 years of his life, and his experiences are key to the fundamental premise of his work entitled The Art of Loving, published in 1956.

Erich Fromm - The Art Of Loving

Erich Fromm was forced to flee Germany during the Fascist takeover in the 1930s. He first went to Geneva, ultimately finding residency at Columbia University in New York.During this time Fromm began wondering about what was wrong with humanity.The fundamental problem of humanity, according to what Fromm learned from his colleagues at The Frankfurt School, is divisiveness. More importantly, as conscious and rational creatures we notice that we are fundamentally separate. As a result, we face a deep existential loneliness, which is behind many of humanities’ problems in contemporary times.

The Fundamental Separateness

This existential loneliness that affects humanity comes from our ability to judge and be aware of our own actions. Our search for a tribe or a group often finds us excluding those not in that tribe. Some of the time the tribe we want to belong to excludes us or perhaps we are within the tribe but do not feel the inclusion we thought we would find there.

The Search For A Tribe

Yet, Fromm noticed something unexpected while working on the problem facing humanity. Everybody was already searching for Love. People were obsessed with the idea. Books on Love were being taken off all the shelves in every book store. Singles clubs were rapidly becoming popular and romantic ads filled newspapers.So, what was wrong? Why were people not finding the Love necessary to combat this feeling of separateness? Like realizing that fire can not fight a fire, Fromm realized feelings could not stop feelings. Fromm concluded that Love had to be a type of practice.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

<h4>“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.”</h4>What Erich Fromm means by immature love is love generated from a point of narcissism. The most narcissistic facet of this type of love is a transactional relationship. This is exemplified by turning the loved one and relationship itself into a commodity.

Mature and Immature Love

Our contemporary understanding of love and how we find love falls into this category, as illustrated by our use of dating app sites that specifically limit the number of matches that you can have or profiles that you can see based on the level of income and other filters. Fromm would see this commodification as an institutionalization of Immature Love, a path that surely drives existential loneliness to new extremes.

The Commodification And Institutionalization Of Immature Love

The answers to these issues with love and loneliness are found in The Frankfurt School and Erich Fromm’s other major work, Escape from Freedom (1941). In this work, Fromm describes a problem we can still see in contemporary society: Individuation. This individualization that occurs leads society right back to that problem of love and separateness. Our existential loneliness leads us to make decisions that temporarily remove that existential loneliness. We strive to be free of loneliness, even if only for a while.

Erich Fromm - Escape From Freedom

Negative Freedom according to Erich Fromm is the “freedom from”. This type of freedom has been gradually increasing within society ever since the time of hunter-gatherer tribes, where humanity started. It represents the removal of things that can control us entirely: freedom from hunger, freedom from preventable diseases. These types of things that our society has given us are all negative freedoms.

Negative Freedom - Freedom *From*

Positive Freedom, on the other hand, is a sort of “freedom to”. For example, we have the opportunity to choose what things we pursue. If we have “freedom to” then we are not restricted to a life of needs; we are not limited to a caste we may be born into. We have a reasonable amount of goods to get us through life – food, water, shelter, and other basic things we need to possess. Having covered our basic needs, society now provides near endless opportunities to people in a society that has positive freedoms. Yet, we still have a problem.

Positive Freedom - Freedom *To*

Those who find this “freedom to” in front of them may have a negative response to opportunity. They may see all that opportunity and freedom and wish for a more rigid way of life, a life where choice is limited in advance instead of the weight of endless possibilities they can choose for themselves. Fromm believed that these people are sadomasochists.

Positive Freedom Has Opponents

Sadomasochists wish for there to be an order or hierarchy that limits the access to positive freedom; they are more comfortable when there is an order and ranks within society. In agreeing to this rank they submit themselves to hierarchy and restrictions in life. This is the masochist in them. The sadist in them is the part that uses their position in this hierarchy to control those beneath them with less “freedom to”.

Freedom From, Freedom To, And Sadomasochists

Here, it’s easy to see the correlation between the philosophy Erich Fromm developed and the life he lived in Germany. Seeing his country tear itself apart with authoritarian principles and people willfully submitting to and using the power of hierarchical society to feel less existential loneliness for themselves was jarring to all the scholars of The Frankfurt School.

Shying Away From Freedom, To Submission And Abuse

This submission to social hierarchy is easy to see in retrospect, but during the time Fromm was living in it was much harder. Erich Fromm put forward this idea of people shying away from freedom and leaning toward authoritarian principles in the late 1920s. The original argument by The Frankfurt School was that if 15% of the population were adamantly democratic and only 10% of the population was adamantly authoritarian, then the country would be fine, as there would be 75% of people in the center to lean in favor of democratic principles.

Seeing the Problem Ahead of Time

Erich Fromm argued that if the people in society that are part of the 75% – the neutral, majority party – had a fundamental misunderstanding of Love and Freedom, which they did, then the 75% would be more likely to fall into authoritarianism. This is because authoritarianism pushes you into a group or at least into a group role. Being part of a group always feels better than the loneliness you face when you’re alone, unless you are comfortable with loneliness.

Authoritarianism Pushes Us Into Tribes 

Erich Fromm believed that the solution to this behavior in society and to our existential loneliness that causes it is one the same thing: it is to Love effectively. Shockingly, Fromm’s idea for this solution started ironically: Love should begin with being comfortable with loneliness. Being comfortable with loneliness means being comfortable with yourself. This is a sign of personal strength according to the thinkers of the Frankfurt School.

The Solution: To Love Effectively

This comfort with loneliness and ourselves helps us see that everyone is struggling with the same things. Every race, sex, gender, and all peoples live in a society.Everyone within society struggles with loneliness and finding a place to fit in. Noticing this truth is the first step to real love.

To Love Effectively Is To Be Comfortable With Loneliness

When we have humility we can avoid the egoism that plagues most relationships, romantic or otherwise. We should avoid the commodification of both ourselves and the other person by seeing that they do not need to justify themselves and prove their worth to remove your loneliness. This is because your loneliness is part of you and their loneliness is part of them. This is the first, and most important, aspect of Love to Erich Fromm.

The First Aspect Of Love - Humility

The next two aspects of love that are required to change our understanding go hand in hand: they are courage and faith. Courage to Fromm is by far the most difficult of the aspects to achieve. Most likely you and all of us are part of the neutral group of society that simply does not wish to be affected by ideological principles of the extremes in society. If you then try to change your understanding of love and begin to see people for who they are you will begin to give out love selflessly to everyone that you meet.

The Next Two Aspects Of Love - Courage And Faith

No one needs to justify themselves to you and this creates an atmosphere of sincerity; and sincerity is love. More importantly, that is where the faith aspect comes in for Fromm. Anyone who gives out love to everyone they meet does not commodify their fellow members of society and trusts that this understanding will spread and benefit everyone who understands and partakes in it.The fourth aspect of Love is diligence and this is the aspect that keeps love going and changes the individual’s life as well as the society they live in.

Loving: Good Faith, Fair Dealing, Due Diligence

This understanding and practice though will inevitably face backlash. People will fight against it because it is scary. Our society, and the society that The Frankfurt School was a part of in the 1930s, have institutionalized the commodification of the people within themselves. Fighting against that institutionalization requires the courage to continue even when you face extreme hatred, as Erich Fromm did when he was labeled a political dissident and forced to flee his nation.

The Persecution Of Bona Fides Love

Many of the descriptions used by Fromm have parallels to our society today. We are feeling more and more lonely in a world that is more and more interconnected. We are seeing into each other’s lives in ways that are inherently commodified. We subscribe to a “grind” mindset that tells us things are either assets or liabilities, defining everyone around us by what they can provide to us and how we can use them. This mindset creates a hierarchical system of values that we apply to people and results in larger and larger groups of people that suffer from existential loneliness.

Erich Fromm: Love in Our Modern Age - Assets And Liabilities

Getting away from this mindset by treating Love not as a feeling and commodity but as an art is the key. Pursuing an art requires courage to continue, humility to understand that you are just beginning in this practice and faith that if you practice with diligence you will become a master of the craft. Becoming a master in the craft of Love will make being in love all the more worth it.

Love As Art - Something To Pursue, To Practice, To Master

Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?

Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love. If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism. Yet, most people believe that love is constituted by the object, not by the faculty.

Nationalism is our form of incest, is our idolatry, is our insanity. 'Patriotism' is its cult...Just as love for one individual which excludes the love for others is not love, love for one's country which is not part of one's love for humanity is not love, but idolatrous worship.

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

One of the main scholars of the Frankfurt School was Erich Fromm, an intellectual who, faced with hatred and being labeled a political dissident, chose to study the opposite of what he saw as the main problem facing all of humanity: hate, segregation, and divisiveness. He chose to study Love. 

Erich Fromm was a scholar who fled Germany during the Fascist takeover. This experience gave him a whole new perspective on love.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mentalhealth

Mental Health

The Frankfurt School: Erich Fromm’s Perspective on Love

Many men don't even want ot work hard. They will return home after 9-5 job and sit before the TV and waste their whole night.

Why men are unattractive?

Men look their best when they are at 10% body fat. At 10% body fat males are at their peak attractiveness. Also I am not talking about being skinny. I am talking about having a fit body and 10% body fat. Having 10% body fat also has many other benefits

Suitable body fat % for men

Men store fat in their belly, chin, face, love handles. Exactly where it is not needed. And since majority men are fat so most men are unattractive.

Fat storage

Men now sit on their desks all day, eat shit food, do not exercise, watch netflix all day. All these reasons have led to increase in estrogen levels in men and decrease in testosterone levels in men which have made modern men unattractive to women.

Estrogen levels going up in males

Beautiful women even have higher standards for dating since they sit on the top of the social hierarchy. That's why they only chase after the high value guys. Since most men are not high value guys so elite girls don't even think of them

Beautiful women  actually find only 1% men attractive 

The dating world is a fierce competition. Only the top level guys survive. Your information about this sort of stuff should be high so you must check out the website for more information. It will even tell you what you should do to get to that top 10% of men whom women chase.<a href="https://selfdevelopmentfreak.blogspot.com/2022/04/90-of-men-are-unattractive-learn-why.html">Learn more</a>

The dating world is a fierce competition 

The dating world is fierce. Learn what you should do in order to win that competition 

exerciseandfitness

Exercise & Fitness

90% of men are unattractive: learn why

Humans have a deep-seated need for love and nurturance from their parents or other carers, and if this care is absent or unreliable, it can lead to long-term problems.Ultimately, your attachment style shapes how much you trust others, whether you fear abandonment, and whether you keep your distance from others - or push them away - to avoid intimacy.

Relationship Security: The Facts

Early life experiences with our key caregivers <a href="https://innovation.umn.edu/parent-child/">shape</a> our expectations – consciously and unconsciously – of what to expect from relationships throughout our lives. Unless you understand and seek to change your attachment style, you will likely continue to manage your current relationships based on the habits you learned in childhood from your earliest caregivers.Fortunately, by trying out new behaviours in relationships, and finding new coping behaviours when you’re feeling anxious or stressed, you can change your attachment style, enjoy better relationships, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Your Attachment Style Has Its Roots in Your Childhood

The first step in understanding why you behave the way you do in relationships is to identify your current attachment style. Select which of these four statements you feel best describes you:a) It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others.b) I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like.c) I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. d) I am deeply uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it terrifying and chaotic to trust others.

Identify Your Current Attachment Style: Four Statements

Each of the four statements(In the previous stash) corresponds to one of the four main attachment styles recognised by psychologists. If you chose:(a) this suggests you have a secure style; (b) an anxious style; (c) an avoidant style;(d) a disorganised style. There is a secure attachment style, and there are three insecure styles: anxious, avoidant and disorganised. Key to them all is that you often expect to get treated based on how you got treated.

The Attachment Style Results

If you’re fortunate enough to have a secure attachment style, your primary caregivers were probably ‘good enough’  and you are well placed to enjoy healthy relationships in life.

The Secure Attachment Style

An anxious attachment style (sometimes called ‘preoccupied’ or ‘ambivalent’) is often due to inconsistent or intrusive parenting, or a <a href="https://aeon.co/essays/how-can-adults-undo-the-harm-of-being-parentified-as-children">blurring</a> of the boundaries between parent/caregiver and child, for example by exposing the child to inappropriately adult emotions and situations too early in life. If this is your attachment style, then as an adult you probably value closeness and connection but find yourself worrying about upsetting others or being rejected, and you might tend to assume the worst is happening in a relationship.

The Anxious Attachment Style

An avoidant attachment style (sometimes called ‘dismissive-avoidant’ or ‘fearful-avoidant’ depending on the accompanying behaviours) is linked to a caregiver’s consistent and repetitive rejection of the child’s emotional needs. If this was your experience, then as an adult you might find you always try to cope on your own. You probably reject the need for relationships or, if you are in them, you may find it difficult to become emotionally close, or place a lot of value on your partner’s looks.

The Avoidant Attachment Style

The disorganised style (sometimes called ‘disoriented’) – is best thought of as being trapped in, and responding to, a terrifying and incredibly confusing stay/go paradox, where the caregiver (and future potential friends or partners) are both the source of occasional comfort but, more often, the source of threat. This style is <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02650533.2011.598228">linked</a> to serious abuse and neglect in childhood. If this was something you experienced, you might struggle with self-esteem and have perhaps found your subsequent relationships incredibly difficult because of the intense emotions you experience.

The Disorganized Attachment Style

Attachment is fundamentally a science of relationships. Yes, we want to know more about ourselves, but we also want to influence those we care about to feel emotionally safe in their relationship with us. So, once you feel like you understand your own attachment behaviours, start looking to those around you to more fully understand why they behave the way they do in their close relationships.

Examine The Attachment Style Of Others

Partners with a disorganised attachment style lack a coherent approach toward relationships. On the one hand, they want to love and be loved. But they are afraid to get close to anyone because they have a strong fear based on experience – that those closest to them are the most dangerous and will hurt them. Knowing that these partners want relationships, but fear them, can help you tolerate their lack of consistency and behaviours that, on the surface, look like they’re pushing you away.

Empathy For The Disorganized Partner

If you’re struggling to make the changes you want to make in your relationships and you keep making the same mistakes, take a beat and bring yourself back to this key point: you can learn to handle emotions differently; you can change your attachment style; and you can change your expectations about relationships. Attachment style is not destiny – it can change, and you can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/per.2226?campaign=wolearlyview">choose</a> to change it.

Work Towards Changing Your Attachment Style

You might not need a lot of reassurance in a relationship – perhaps because you currently have a more avoidant style. You know your partner loves you, and they should know you love them, so why keep saying it? But perhaps they do need a bit more reassurance than you, and you’ve seen how this mismatch creates friction. So, rather than dismissing them as needy, have a think about why – from an attachment perspective – they might need a little more from you, and adjust your behaviour accordingly.

Practise Spotting Your Patterns of Behaviour in Relationships – and Their Consequences

If you’re anxious, ask for patience and tolerance from your partner, while at the same time committing to acting less from that anxious place. If your partner understands that you’re anxious, it might help them to know that it won’t help you to constantly reassure you that they love you; on the contrary, the route to attachment security is trust built over time.

Collaborate with Your Partner to Change Your Attachment Style

If you have an anxious attachment style, practise being direct and authentic with others, even though it feels hard. If you struggle to calm yourself without another person to help, there are many <a href="https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-find-the-mindfulness-practice-that-works-for-you">techniques</a> you can use that will help you to <a href="https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-calm-your-emotions-with-dialectical-behaviour-therapy">manage</a> any intense emotions that arise. If you’re more avoidant and struggle to connect with others, challenge yourself to stay present in disagreements and seek to understand the person opposite, rather than running away.

Keep Practising New Ways of Engaging with Others

It goes something like this: (a) notice when you’re on autopilot – for instance, lapsing into needy or avoidant behaviours; (b) pause to reflect; (c) do something different; (d) notice the results; and, if they were positive, (e) apply what you’ve learned in future situations.You can also apply these principles for changing your attachment style beyond romantic relationships: to friendships, family relationships and work relationships.

Create a Virtuous Circle (ideally in Collaboration with Your Partner/friends)

Too clingy – or too scared to commit? Your attachment style is rooted in your childhood, but you can change it

How to be more secure in your relationships | Psyche Guides

<ul><li>Researchers have found that those who watch reality dating programs have more traditional attitudes toward dating and relationships.</li><li>Reality dating shows are not meant to replace real dating programs.</li><li>It is possible that those who hold more gender stereotypical views of sex and dating are those who are more likely to seek out reality dating TV.</li><li>The goal of dating TV is not to help people find love, but rather to expose people to the fantasy of a real relationship.</li><li>A limitation to their work involves the direction of the relationship between reality dating show viewership and attitudes.</li></ul>

The Psychology Dating Shows

The messages being sent by programming depicting “real” relationships.

Reality Dating Shows

"Life is short. The less time we waste on the weather, the better."

Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living' or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:<ul><li>In your professional life, what do you think is the most exciting thing?</li><li>In your personal life, what is exciting you the most at the moment?</li><li>If money wasn’t an issue, would you be doing something different?</li><li>In five years from now, what would you ideally like to be doing?</li><li>Do you have a favorite charity organization? Why do you choose them?</li><li>Who is a role model to you and why?</li><li>Who in your life has been significantly influential to you?</li></ul>

When meeting a new person

<ul><li>A large part of understanding people is not to talk but indeed the exact opposite, to shut up and listen. </li><li>You have to resist the urge to talk and you have to continue to bring the conversation back to the other person. You have to learn to genuinely listen and show active consideration and care for what the other person is saying. </li><li>Defined as active listening, it’s the act of trying to understand their position and not fixate on your own. Listening to people makes them feel valued, respected, inspired, and eager to solve problems. </li></ul>

Listening to people

<ul><li>Validation is a powerful way to diffuse anger and frustration. </li><li>Validation is taking mirroring to another level. The idea is to repeat what the other person is saying, but also to suggest some understanding of how they are feeling. One caveat to be aware of is the danger of not interpreting feelings correctly. Get it wrong and it can have a devastating effect.</li><li>﻿Validation is not necessarily agreeing, it is understanding where the other person is coming from and genuinely caring. Even if there is a disagreement, validation allows an avenue for a better resolution rather than becoming defensive.</li></ul>

Validation

”Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. People want to talk about themselves. Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships.”

There’s a simple key to networking that nobody talks about. Standing out from the crowd, you want to be noticed. In a room full of people trying to get noticed, you need a point of difference.Wear an attention-grabbing piece of clothing, something that stands out and is potentially a conversation started. Consider bright clothing or shoes, a statement scarf or tie. Something that people will notice and be encouraged to chat with you about.

Standing out from the crowd

If you really want to be influential, you want to encourage people to come up with your idea ‘all on their own’:<ul><li>Don’t use the phrase ‘I have an idea’. Subtly push the other person in the direction of your idea and the results. Don’t be explicit.</li><li>You could try explaining the opposite of what you are after. Identify the issues of this option and hopefully, the other person will find your idea as the solution.</li><li>If the other person mentions your idea, whether close to or exact, embrace it and encourage them.</li><li>You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not quite what you wanted. </li></ul>

Influencing people

<ul><li>If you are a manager, identify a few people that report directly to you. (If you aren’t a manager identify a few people that you influence in one way or another).</li><li>Remember a few of your favorite school teachers. How was their teaching beneficial to you and how did they affect your performance?</li><li>Reflect on your notes and try to establish a few ways that you can be a better manager/influencer by taking on some of your favorite teachers' qualities.</li></ul>

Improve your teaching ability

”These days, anyone can be a leader, whether the group you’re leading is your company, your team, your department, or your family. You can be a leader even if you have no official leadership role and are simply setting a good example for the people around you. And you can develop many leaders on your team as well.”

The key is that you need to put all people at ease, it’s not about finding a winner but finding a resolution that works for both sides. Conflict usually appears when someone is struggling to feel heard or be helped. It’s important to understand both sides and let each side state their case.Your instinct may be to try to wrap the conflict up as soon as possible. But the reality is that this won’t work. Both sides need to feel like they have been heard before they will calm down and collect themselves.

Managing conflict

”Remember, it's not all about you. Whether you’re speaking to an audience of three thousand, three hundred, thirty, or three, if your hope is to inspire them, your material and delivery have to be about them and how they can grow, not about you.”

When providing feedback, ensure that your criticism is always constructive and consider the following points:<ul><li>Don’t deliver a critique in front of other people. Don’t try to shame someone.</li><li>Have a one-on-one discussion.</li><li>Rather than just identifying issues, suggest positive solutions.</li><li>Don’t dwell on the negative.</li></ul>

Constructive criticism

People don’t like being sold to. Instead, focus on storytelling. Storytelling allows you to share about yourself and it allows people to connect with you at an emotional level.It’s not a technique, it’s more authentic.

To change people’s minds, avoid the sales pitch

What does it take to win success and influence? Some people think that in today’s hyper-competitive world, it’s the tough, take-no-prisoners type who comes out on top. But in reality, argues New York Times bestselling author Dave Kerpen, it’s actually those with the best people skills who win the day. Those who build the right relationships. Those who truly understand and connect with their colleagues, their customers, their partners. Those who can teach, lead, and inspire. In a world where we are constantly connected, and social media has become the primary way we communicate, the key to getting ahead is being the person others like, respect, and trust. Because no matter who you are or what profession you're in, success is contingent less on what you can do for yourself, but on what other people are willing to do for you. Here, through 53 bite-sized, easy-to-execute, and often counterintuitive tips, you’ll learn to master the 11 People Skills that will get you more of what you want at work, at home, and in life. For example, you’ll learn: · The single most important question you can ever ask to win attention in a meeting · The one simple key to networking that nobody talks about · How to remain top of mind for thousands of people, everyday · Why it usually pays to be the one to give the bad news · How to blow off the right people · And why, when in doubt, buy him a Bonsai A book best described as “How to Win Friends and Influence People for today’s world,” The Art of People shows how to charm and win over anyone to be more successful at work and outside of it.

books

Books

What does it take to win success and influence? Some people think that in today’s hyper-competitive world, it’s the tough, take-no-prisoners type who comes out on top. But in reality, argues New York Times bestselling author Dave Kerpen, it’s actually those with the best people skills who win the day. Those who build the right relationships. Those who truly understand and connect with their colleagues, their customers, their partners. Those who can teach, lead, and inspire.   In a world where we are constantly connected, and social media has become the primary way we communicate, the key to getting ahead is being the person others like, respect, and trust. Because no matter who you are or what profession you're in, success is contingent less on what you can do for yourself, but on what other people are willing to do for you. Here, through 53 bite-sized, easy-to-execute, and often counterintuitive tips, you’ll learn to master the 11 People Skills that will get you more of what you want at work, at home, and in life. For example, you’ll learn:   ·  The single most important question you can ever ask to win attention in a meeting ·  The one simple key to networking that nobody talks about ·  How to remain top of mind for thousands of people, everyday ·  Why it usually pays to be the one to give the bad news ·  How to blow off the right people ·  And why, when in doubt, buy him a Bonsai   A book best described as “How to Win Friends and Influence People for today’s world,” The Art of People shows how to charm and win over anyone to be more successful at work and outside of it.

Dave Kerpen

The Art of People

Regrets of inaction outnumber regrets of action 2:1, and it goes up as people age. That's because "action" regrets, like marrying the wrong person, can be undone, and you can think about them in terms of "at least." For example, many people who felt they married the wrong person would say, "At least I have these great kids." With regrets of inaction, that's impossible.One big category of regrets is also boldness regrets. If only I'd taken the chance. Boldness regrets are common, but they're not the only type.

People Regret Not Taking Action

<ul><li>Foundation regrets: These are the regrets from not doing the work: not saving money for retirement, not getting a degree, not exercising, eating right, etc.</li><li>Moral regrets: Regrets in which you did the wrong thing. Bullying is an example, or choices of unkindness.</li><li>Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out," is the telltale sign of a connection regret. It is the largest category of regrets, and they are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond.</li><li>Boldness regrets: Boldness regrets are about a chance that wasn't taken. Things like opportunities to study abroad.</li></ul>

Regrets Tend To Cluster Into Four Different Types

This is a three-part strategy: inward, outward, and forward.<ul><li>Look inward: Reframe how we think about our regrets. We speak to ourselves more cruelly than we'd speak to anyone else. Practice self-compassion.</li><li>Look outward: Practice disclosure. Sharing your emotions is a form of unburdening. We can make sense of regret through talking or writing.</li><li>Move forward: Extract a lesson from your regret. You need to create distance to help yourself process. Some ideas: Talk to yourself in the third person. Or ask yourself: what advice would I give my best friend?</li></ul>

Doing Regret Right

"Our goal should not be to minimize regret. It should be to optimize it."

"There's a reason we experience negative emotions. They're useful if we treat them right. Regret, you don't want to wallow in it. You don't want to ruminate over it. But if you think of it as a signal, as information, as a knock at the door, it is a powerfully transformative emotion."

Rather than striving for a life with no regrets, Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret, suggests embracing regret and learning from it. He outlines the four most common categories of regret and explains how looking back can help us move forward.

How examining our regrets can make for a more meaningful life : Life Kit

Magnetism is an irresistible force. It’s hard to ignore the pull you feel naturally toward people, places and things that are magnetic.When it comes to real magnets, Opposite poles are attracted to each other. I believe that on some level that is happening in human interactions too, If someone magnets you, he is definitely not like you, otherwise you have no reason to get closer to him.While magnetism is something to cultivate, it’s not something active. This means, you aren’t likely to “achieve” magnetism. I’ve seen it consistently be the very opposite. Magnetism is something to sink into.

How To Become Magnetic

So, to keep the intro short, after years of trying every method myself, I gave you today the elements you need to seriously start developing your magnetism. Here they are -

Magnetic people have a unique presence. You can feel it as they enter the room, while they talk and while they are silent. Sometimes the quiet, full of confidence, before the speech begins, affects more than a person who tries very hard to impress.When I think about developing this ability, one word comes to mind, Practice. sure you can take courses on the subjects, however, it is also possible to develop it from viewing TED.com which contains fascinating lectures. In these lectures, it is important to pay attention to the way the lecturers speak and what they do between sentences.

1- Stage and theatrical abilities

Another way to develop this is to just go out with the intention of being magnetic and charismatic, old school practice, try being the loudest in the barbershop, the most talkative.

Usually a magnetic or charismatic person has a certain contrast that makes it difficult to understand his personality. That's partly why he is magnetic, which makes sense when you realize real magnets magnet to opposite poles, by having a unique “pole” to him, he attracts people naturally.He can also be a person who understands people intimately and yet is very distant, as Sigmund Freud was.To develop such an ability, we must develop the ability to control the words we say.

2- Be mysterious and not perfectly understood

If we know how to express ourselves accurately and do not reveal all the information directly, we can allow others to discover us gradually. Peeling the layers becomes a fascinating journey for the people who are just starting out.

The feeling that the someone has a purpose and is determined to achieve it causes people to follow him.This ability is not really one you need to “develop”, you have it in you, its a mindset problem. Decide what idea or goal you believe in, and prove to people that you do not deviate from it, at all costs.

3- Be imbued with purpose and mission


Leaders who lived by the principles they espoused, were given the status of sanctity by their congregation. We can see a good example of this in Vladimir Lenin and Mahatma Gandhi, who years after their deaths, their audience still worships them.It can not be faked, sorry. On the other hand, if we start listening to our advice and start living what we say to others, we will open up exactly that ability.

4- Make our principles sacred to us

Our eyes transmit our emotions and are often considered a window to the soul. The ability to make a stable, pleasant and confident eye contact, makes people feel magnetic and charismatic even before we have punched our mouths.In order for us to develop this ability, we would like to stop avoiding eye contact. If we decide that in the next few days, we will make pleasant eye contact (unlike that of serial killers) with people instead of bowing our gaze, we will initially get a number of confused looks and sometimes even a smile.

5- Your eyes

This is for now. I wish you a particularly fascinating and extraordinary exit in the exit from your comfort zone. After all, between us, this is the essence of your transformation into a more magnetic person.And now, I’m intrigued to hear in the comments below, what do you think?Have great week:))

Conclusion

Magnetism is an irresistible force. It's hard to ignore the pull you feel naturally toward people, places and things that are magnetic.

Magnetism is an irresistible force. It’s hard to ignore the pull you feel naturally toward people, places and things that are magnetic. When it comes to real magnets, Opposite poles are attracted to…

The number one way to get a good conversation with no lulls or cringe moments is to set an intention on why you are speaking with the person

#1 Set Intention 

Communication is very important in your career and your success 

You can make dazzling conversation with anyone, and I am going to tell you how! Using a few conversation tricks and nonverbal tips, you'll be able to add to your communication repertoire and have wonderful conversations as well as memorable first impressions. There's a science behind having a good conversation and these are great first steps to amazing conversation, but if you need help with conversation starter topics visit: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/conversation-starters-topics/ Those are sure to spark interesting, deep, and unforgettable conversation with anyone you interact with! 😊 In this video: 00:00 Intro to the Science of Conversation 00:51 Tip #1 - Intention 01:43 Tip #2 - Approach 02:38 Tip #3 - Openers 03:32 Tip #4 - Sparks 04:49 Tip #5 - Exits 05:43 Bonus Tip - How to let people know you're open to connect? ****** Hi, I’m Vanessa! You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you. My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also the bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People (https://www.scienceofpeople.com/captivate/) and creator of People School(https://www.scienceofpeople.com/people-school/). My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again. Do you want to be the most likable person in the room? Get my FREE guide now: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/ ****** PS - Join the conversation on social! ☞ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vvanedwards/ ☞ Twitter: https://twitter.com/vvanedwards ☞ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vvanedwards/ #vanessavanedwards #howtotalktopeople #startaconversation #howtotalktoanyone #howtobememorable #howtohaveconversations #icebreakers

How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence

Find 100+ Facts about Love & Relationships - Curated from trusted sources like  Books, Podcasts & Articles - Genuine Insights from like-minded Users like You!

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Read like a Pro.

How to ask for help | Psyche Guides

The Frankfurt School: Erich Fromm’s Perspective on Love

90% of men are unattractive: learn why

How to be more secure in your relationships | Psyche Guides

Reality Dating Shows

The Art of People

How examining our regrets can make for a more meaningful life : Life Kit

How To Become Magnetic

How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence

100 Random Thoughts

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.