“A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends . . . The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you” (n.d.).-- IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance ProgramBasically it establishes what and up to what extent you're willing to accept from other people, and what other people can expect from you.Why is it important?<ul><li>Boundaries are a crucial component of self-care</li><li>They are essential for maintaining healthy relationships with others.</li><li>A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.</li></ul>

What Are Boundaries

Boundaries can take many forms ranging from being rigid and strict to almost nonexistent.People with more rigid boundaries, can come off as detached. Their boundaries can be seen as a way to avoid close relationships and keep others at a distanceThose with more loose boundaries, can be seen as being too involved with others’ problems. They tend to overshare personal information. Because they seek to please others for fear of rejection they find it difficult to say “no” and are often seen as pushovers

Are Your Boundaries Rigid, Loose Or Healthy?

<ul><li>Unlike the other 2, people with healthy boundaries can share some personal information to give a sense of familiarity but they know to limit it to whats appropriate.</li><li>They understand their personal needs and wants and know how to communicate them.</li><li>With defined individuality they are clear on what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for. </li><li>Though they value their own opinion but they also know how to take 'no' for an answer.</li></ul>For many of us our boundaries take on different forms depending on the situation. Your boundaries at work might be rigid but almost non-existent at home.

A Person With Healthy  Boundaries

A. Physical: Your personal space, privacy, and body. “Don’t get so close to me.” “Don’t enter my room without asking.”B. Sexual. Your expectations concerning intimacy. “We need to use contraception if we’re going to start sleeping together.”C. Intellectual: Boundaries concerning your thoughts and beliefs. When someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions, you can say that his intellectual boundaries are not respected. "It's ok to disagree"D. Emotional: Your boundaries concerning your feelings. "I'm not comfortable talking about our family business"

The Different Types Of Boundaries And What They Look Like

E. Financial: Your guidelines for lending, giving or donating money. "I can have dinner with you, but let's go Dutch." "Don't use my credit card to buy your makeup."F. Time: When and how much time you can spare. “I can only stay for an hour.” “Do you have time to help me figure this out?”G. Ethical: Your ethical guidelines that ought to govern your relationships “I just can’t lie for you. I’m sorry.”H. Spiritual: Defines your beliefs and your place in the scheme of things “I’m not okay with you insulting my faith just because you don’t share my beliefs.”

The Different Types Of Boundaries ..continued

1. You develop empathy and compassion for others and recognize their limitations.2. You feel less resentment towards people when your requests arent met because you understand that just like you they have boundaries too.3. You gain a sense of inner peace and you feel empowered when are able to resist the pressures from people who keep wanting more than what you can give.4. You have ample time and energy for self care and to attend to the things that matter most to YOU, not to others.5. By not setting your own needs aside to cater to the needs of others first, you gain a sense of self-respect.

Benefits Of Having Healthy Boundaries

6. Boundaries can inspire improved communication. Your setting of ground rules and showing others where you stand—can inspire them to do the same.7. As you build healthier boundaries, your self-esteem goes up as well. You will see that your value is not dependent on how useful you are to others.8. And because of this, you can make decisions for yourself, based on what you think is best for you8. Clearer boundaries that reflect who you are as a person and what you value can mean less room for misunderstandings and can result to others having a better understanding and greater acceptance of you.

9. Career-wise healthy boundaries can help you avoid burnout and enables you to stay in the profession longer. A more fulfilling professional life means more time and attention for your personal life.10. Having clear boundaries means less stress, less financial burdens, less wasted time, and less relationship issues11. Healthy boundaries can reduce the risk of health problems like mental distress, stomach ulcers and so on.

1. Self-reflection: Take time to understand why a certain something (personal space, time alone, get-togethers with friends) is important to you and how you will benefit from it.2. If you don’t have many boundaries in place yet, build your additions slowly. Introducing them all at once might overwhelm you and those around you. Doing so also gives you time to assess whether it’s heading in the right direction or if it needs some tweaking.3. Set them earlyBy setting boundaries and expectations from the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand from the get go-conficts can be avoided.

How To Set And Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Be consistent and steadyThis helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and ensures those lines remain clearly established.Loosening those boundaries from time to time can lead to confusion for you and for those around you.Feel free to add extrasIn some aspects of our lives, there are boundaries already in place — such as in the workplace. Consider these the minimum. It’s okay to add your own.Austrian researchersTrusted Source found that employees who introduced personal workplace boundaries felt more empowered

Communication is key to maintaining healthy boundaries especially if someone consistently oversteps your boundaries. “Say ‘no’ simply but firmly to something you do not want to do. Do not feel that you need to explain” (Kairns, 1992). Not overexplaining is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries. This will prevent a would-be interloper from finding a loophole where they can wiggle their way in. This says that you and only you have the right to determine what you do and do not want to do and they have to be ok with that.

Keep the focus on yourself. Instead of saying “You have to stop bothering me after work”, say it like “I need some time to myself when I get back from work.”Set consequencesThere are times in which “It is impossible to set boundaries withou consequences” (IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program, n.d.) State explicitly why these boundaries are important or what will happen if they are violated."You need to stop using me like a tool or we dont have to see each other again."Declare only consequences that you're willing to follow through on, or else the boundaries will not be effective.

Blurred boundaries at home and at work are associated with unhealthy lifestyle,unhappiness, which may lead to conflicts and eventually family breakdown.

More compassion and self-respect, and less conflict.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Set Better, Healthier Boundaries to Improve Your Life

We live in a world where people get mad. Often, we tell the person “Calm down.”Telling an angry person to <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/calm-yourself-down-advice/">calm down </a>is simple and direct and about as effective as eating soup with a fork. The person doesn’t want to hear it because they can’t. Of course, there is a way to help an angry person calm down. It calls on combination of using distraction and then moving into problem-solving. Now, since no anger is the same, no approach comes with a guarantee. But by being in tune with the moment and how the two of you relate, the following phrases can get to calm.

Calm Down

<ul><li>“How am I right now?”(ask this yourself)</li><li>Nothing (As in, say nothing)</li><li>“Is it ridiculously cold right now?”(This question is off-center to make the person say, “What?”)</li><li>“That’s so frustrating.”(Avoid “I” or “You” because they steal the spotlight or put the other person on their heels)</li><li>“I wonder if it would help to take a walk and get some coffee?”(You’re leaving the scene and offering something else to do)</li><li>“How will that work?”(get them to think “What do you want to do?”It’s building emotional literacy)</li><li>“Shut up.”(You need to have a strong relationship)</li></ul>

7 Ways To Calm Them Down

Whatever course you take and words you choose, ultimately, they need to be authentic. Anything else will be blown off. “Know yourself and your limitations,” Abrams says. “It might be good advice but it’s not a costume I can wear.”

Know Yourself And Your Limitations

When someone is angry or stressed out, the right words can help calm them down. Here are 7 phrases to consider using.

7 Things to Say to Help an Angry Person Calm Down

According to Maslow, we have five categories of needs: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization.Higher needs in the hierarchy emerge when people feel they have sufficiently satisfied the previous need.1. Physiological: Basic physical needs like drinking when thirsty or eating when hungry.2. Safety: a safe environment.3. Love: Involves feeling loved and accepted in romantic relationships as well as ties to friends and family members.4. Esteem: the desire to feel good about ourselves.5. Self-Actualization: feeling fulfilled, feeling that we are living up to our potential.

Real Motivation Comes From Real Needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory puts forward that people are motivated by five basic categories of needs.

health

Health

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Explained

new things is a huge part of life -- we should always be striving to learn and grow. But it takes time, and time is precious. So how can you make the most of your time by speeding up the learning process? Thanks to neuroscience, we now have a better understanding of how we learn and the most effective ways our brains process and hold on to information.

Proven Ways to Learn Faster

While taking notes by hand is slower and more cumbersome than typing, the act of writing out the information fosters comprehension and retention. Reframing the information in your own words helps you retain the information longer, meaning you’ll have better recall and will perform better on tests.

Take notes with pen and paper.

The better your notes are, the faster you’ll learn. Knowing how to take thorough and accurate notes will help you remember concepts, gain a deeper understanding of the topic and develop meaningful learning skills. So, before you learn a new topic, make sure you learn different strategies for note taking, such as the Cornell Method, which helps you organize class notes into easily digestible summaries.

Have effective note-taking skills.

Whatever method you use, some basic tips for note taking include: 🔥Listen and take notes in your own words.🔥Leave spaces and lines between main ideas so you can revisit them later and add information.🔥Develop a consistent system of abbreviations and symbols to save time.🔥Write in phrases, not complete sentences.🔥Learn to pull out important information and ignore trivial information.

Method

You have a big project or a major presentation tomorrow and you’re not prepared. If you’re like many of us, you stay up too late trying to cram beforehand. Surely your hard work will be rewarded, even if you’re exhausted the next day… right? However, that’s not the most efficient way for our brains to process information.

Study, sleep, more study.

If you're learning a skill, don’t do the same thing over and over. Making slight changes during repeated practice sessions will help you master a skill faster than doing it the same way every time. In one study of people who learned a computer-based motor skill, those who learned a skill and then had a modified practice session where they practiced the skill in a slightly different way performed better than those who repeated the original task over and over.

Modify your practice.

Learning is a key to success stay in Play

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Food

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Learning & Education

Learning fast

With so many uncertainties stemming from the current pandemic, you might be looking for more human connection and comfort from friends and family. If there’s someone in your life that really needs your support and compassion, here are 10 ways to ask how someone is doing that are empathetic and open-ended.

Alternatives

If your friend or family member is dealing with something particularly stressful, ask them how you can help. Sometimes, it can be comforting just to know that you are ready to support them. It’s good to express that you are there for moral support and are willing to help if need be.

1)  How can I support you?

Allowing your colleague to vent about whatever has been on their mind will likely lead to a deeper, more honest conversation. They’ll feel like you really care about their inner thoughts and feelings.

2 What’s been on your mind lately?

By inquiring about their day, you are creating the space for them to talk about whatever has affected their mood or feelings most recently. Plus, you might be able to find more immediate ways to help and support them, knowing what’s irritating or distressing them on this particular day.

3 Tell me about your day.

There are millions of ways to find joy even in difficult times, but for some reason we are always prone to focusing on the negative. By asking this question, you’ll remind your friend that there is still at least something that’s good and redeeming to be grateful for.

4) What’s bringing you joy right now?

If you know for a fact that your partner is going through a rough patch, it’s nice to ask a question that acknowledges the difficulty head-on. This is also a good way to start the conversation with an undertone of empathy; you’re recognizing that they might not be doing too well right now, and you’re interested in knowing exactly how they’re getting by.

5) Are you holding up OK?

This is a rather sweet way of sparking a conversation about your friend or family member’s self-care routine. Knowing what they’re currently doing to create a little positivity during tough times will give you a better sense for how you can also console or take care of them.

6 How are you taking care of yourself these days?

Telling someone that they’ve been on your mind will instantly engender <a href="https://www.grammarly.com/blog/email-greetings/">empathy </a>and connection, as they will know that you’re concerned about them. “What’s new?” is a perfect follow-up question, showing them that you’re curious to know what they’ve been doing. Again, this is a powerful open-ended avenue, creating a dialogue for sharing anything that’s important to them.

7) I’ve been thinking about you. What’s new?

Similar to offering your support, you can ask your friend if there is a specific task or activity that you can do to take the pressure off of them. Even if they say no, it’s always nice to help in whatever way you can without being asked!

8) Is there anything I can help take care of?

With the need for social distancing making it a more challenging than usual to see friends, offering to video call is the next best thing for some “face-to-face” catching up. Having authentic one-on-one time, even if it takes place behind a screen, is an ideal way to reconnect and make sure your friend is doing okay.

9) Are you free for a virtual coffee chat?

A final alternative to asking someone how they are is to open a discussion about their high moments and low moments of the week. This will not only allow them to vent about their main pain points, but it will also make them aware of the positive things that happened too, which will definitely help boost their mood.

10) What were your highs and lows this week?

When you know someone is going through a challenging time and a simple “how are you?” doesn’t suffice, use these alternative ways to inquire about how someone is doing.

How to Reach Out to Someone Beyond “How Are You?”

There are steps you can take to make arriving at a party less stressful and more fulfilling. 
One of the issues with parties, unless you’re the most gregarious of extroverts, is that feeling when you’re about to walk into one but don’t know a single person there. Or perhaps you’re only vaguely connected to the host, who will surely be busy hosting. How do you start a conversation at a party with a complete stranger or someone you barely know? What if you do something horribly wrong, requiring you to sever all relationships and perhaps even move to an entirely new town or galaxy?

The Arrival

Take a moment to identify, realistically, what your purpose is for going. Is it:<ul><li>To make a business connection?</li><li>To meet a new friend?</li><li>To relax?</li><li>To have a good conversation?</li><li>To taste some new food or wine?</li></ul>

Define Your Purpose

Party prep should involve what you wear. Pick a tried-and-true outfit — whatever taps you into the best version of yourself, as opposed to something that makes you feel self-conscious or that you’ll be constantly adjusting. 
Some people like to choose a great blouse or jacket or necklace, like a talisman. That’s powerful. Or imagine the person who would play you in a movie, and dress like that for a boost of confidence.

The Outfit

The classic rule is to show up with something in hand. Nowadays, however, you don’t always need to show up with something for your good friends. If you feel more comfortable arriving with a bottle of wine or a token of your appreciation, by all means, go for it.Remember that conversation is part of what you bring to any social event. I don’t walk into a party without two to three things to talk about. These topics can be anything that’s interesting to you at the moment, and you need not even talk about them — but they are there if you need them.

What To Bring To The Party

There’s the sense that we should arrive fashionably late and with a posse of friends, but in fact, the very best time to get there is right when the party starts — before everyone is ensconced in conversations and you find yourself in the position of having to work your way into established groups.
If you can bear it, go solo, and watch the other guests make a beeline toward you.

Arrive on Time, and Go Alone

The person who walks in alone at a party, that’s the most approachable person.

Getting past the initial hellos can itself be a juggernaut. Do you hug, shake hands or kiss on one cheek, or both, or three times, in the European style? What if you hate being touched? If something makes you uncomfortable, however, you can let the other person know by saying politely, “I’m not a big hugger,” or some version of that

Greetings

It’s time to start meeting your fellow partygoers and impressing them with your warm and witty repartee. But how do you do that?
You’ve arrived on time, by yourself or not, with a gift in hand or simply your presence as your present. You know what you want to accomplish, and you have conversational topics in the back pocket of your carefully selected outfit (which, by the way, makes you look like a million bucks). It's time to shine.

Time to Mingle

If you feel intensely awkward about standing in the middle of the room and smiling, or actually approaching someone else — this really does work, the experts say, though it also sounds terrifying — you have alternatives. One thing that is really powerful is to have a job.If you know the host, see if you can help serve drinks. You could also offer to help take coats, clear used glasses or open the door as people knock.

Get Yourself A Job

Although Americans tend to put down small talk as if it’s superficial, it’s actually very important.
It’s about negotiating relationships, as sometimes it leads to an ongoing relationship or even a romantic relationship. You hear, ‘We were at this party, the next thing we knew, we were talking until 2 a.m.’ 
The appetizer for any relationship. You don’t know where your next opportunity will be in life, in friendship, in romance, in meeting people. In most cases, the relationship started with small talk. Somebody had to say hello first. Most of us are afraid to say hello!

Do The Small Talk

You could ask a question: 
<ul>
<li>What do you do? </li>
<li>Been to any concerts lately?</li>
<li>Do you like that beer?</li>
<li>Did you take the train here?</li>
</ul>
Or give a compliment: 
<ul>
<li>I like your hair. </li>
<li>That’s a cool shirt. </li>
<li>Congrats on that promotion.</li>
</ul>

Polite Conversation Starters

Whatever you do, _do _say hello, and be genuine. 
If you’re the type who walks into a room and you don’t know what to say and you don’t say hello, never think they’re going to give you the benefit of the doubt. They’re going to think you’re avoiding them or a snob. 
If you don’t remember someone’s name, go over and say: ‘I don’t remember your name. I feel like an idiot, can you remind me?’

Be Genuine

There’s a difference between being an introvert and having social anxiety. Introverts are a little quieter than the general population and feel it requires a lot of energy to keep a conversation going at a party. 
Social anxiety, on the other hand, is a learned behavior often stemming from something traumatic.

Introversion Vs. Social Anxiety

Before partying, ask yourself if you might have that feeling in this situation, and think about how you can prepare for that. (Having an extroverted pal along, or conversational topics to rely on, can help ease the pressure.)
Just because you tend toward introversion doesn’t mean you can’t be good at parties. It’s all about managing your energy if you’re an introvert.

Being An Introvert

Phones complicate the equation, even though they feel like an escape.You’re not making eye contact or noticing how people in the room are feeling, and you’re probably missing out on some really good conversations by staring at your screen, which you can do all you want when you get home. And if you practice being without your phone at parties, your capacity to empathize will get better.

Getting Busy With The Phone

Being a party guest is easy. Being a great party guest takes work.
<ul>
<li>Tier one is safe territory: sports, the weather, pop culture, local celebrities and any immediate shared experience.</li>
<li>Tier two is potentially controversial: religion, politics, dating and love lives. Test the waters, and back away if they’re not interested.</li>
<li>Tier three includes the most intimate topics: family and finance, buckets into health and work life.</li>
</ul>

Don't Be That Person: 3 Tiers of Good Conversation

Don’t head to a party with the intent of leaving everyone in stitches, unless perhaps you’re a professional comedian. Instead, Channel your inner Oprah. This is especially helpful advice for introverts.T<a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/109/21/8038">alking about yourself triggers the same pleasure sensation</a> in the brain as food. People would forgo money in order to talk about themselves.  You can use this to your advantage simply by listening.

Be More Interested to Be More Interesting

Be attentive and give eye contact.
• Make active and engaged expressions.
• Repeat back what you’ve heard, and follow up with questions. 
• If you notice something you want to say, don’t say it. Challenge it and go back to listening. 
• For bonus points, wait an hour to bring up that thing you didn’t say earlier.
And keep in mind that when you say something declarative, seek out the other person’s opinion as well.

Be A Conversation Superstar

Mingling is an art, but remember what you're here for: to have fun and meet people.You’re trapped in a conversation with a monologuer and you’re racking your brain trying to escape.There are ways to excuse yourself. Say, ‘Oh, I just saw someone I haven’t seen in 10 years, it’s been so great to see you.’”

Working the Room: Excusing Yourself

You can use the white flag, as in car racing, to indicate “they have one more lap and then it’s over."
Acknowledge what you’ve heard — “Gosh, it sounds like you really have a passion for skiing,” and then give someone a warning that the conversation is almost over. For example: “I’ve only got a couple more minutes until I need to leave” (or get a drink, or talk to someone else, or head to the bathroom), “but before I leave, what would you say is the No. 1 ingredient to training as a skier?”

A Trick To Get Out Of A Bad Conversation That Does Not End

One huge conversational mistake is not picking up clues about how other people are reacting to you. But keep in mind, we all have different conversational styles.Be attuned to the signals others are sending. Some cultures have a high-involvement style, which means standing closer and offering more gestures and broad facial expressions; others have a high-considerate style, which means fewer broad gestures and facial expressions. If you’re experiencing a disconnect, it may simply be that you have different styles.

Don't Double Down if You're Not Getting What You Want

One way to avoid them is to “assume the burden of the conversation,” One might use self-disclosure to change the topic, and say, ‘Golf isn’t my thing, but I really like to cycle.’ Or, if someone asks about something sad or bad, throw the conversational ball back and say, ‘I just can’t talk about that right now, but what’s going on in your life?’”
Pauses are natural and, if you wait it out, the other person might revive the conversation. You can also circle back to an earlier topic, but if you’ve reached the end, exit the conversation in a polite way.

Awkward Silences

<ul><li>Keep up your posture.</li><li>Make eye contact</li><li>Open your body isn't of sitting cross-armed.</li><li>Smile.</li></ul>

What To Do With Your Body

You're the hit of the party, and you've charmed your way into the hearts of all. Now stick the landing.
While you don’t want to make a big interruption, you should acknowledge the departure and thank your host. There are, of course, always exceptions, and you could follow up after the party to thank the host if the in-person goodbye simply can’t happen.

The Exit

Say you forget a name, or introduce yourself anew to someone you’ve already met, or spill your drink all over your host’s white carpeting? 
Admit the predicament, apologize with sincerity and move on.

Messing Up

Don't let the fear of missing out get you after you exit a party.
It’s just one party. There’s always another one around the corner. Reward yourself with Netflix or a bath or a pizza and the simple satisfaction that you survived. And maybe you even had fun, too?

Don't Have F.O.M.O.

A practical guide on how to make seamless small talk that leads to important connections 

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How To Be Good at Parties

An all-inclusive and practical guide to being great at parties.

People love to party! Well, at least some of them do. For the rest of us, parties bring on waves of feelings, good and bad, much like the events themselves. Here's everything you've ever wanted to know about being the hit of the party.

Be Better at Parties - Smarter Living Guides

Families who dine at home together are happier and healthier, but work, school, sports practices and other obligations all seem to get in the way. 
Whether your family mealtime happens every night or only once a week, in the morning before school or late-night for just dessert, it's important to take advantage of whatever opportunity you have to nourish the mind, soul and stomach of everyone at the table.

Having Dinner With Your Family

In the United States <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/267720308_Of_Ketchup_and_Kin_Dinnertime_Con%20versations_as_a_Major_Source_of_Family_Knowledge_Family_Adjustment_and_Family_Resilie%20nce">about 70 percent of meals</a> are consumed outside the home, and about 20 percent are eaten in the car. About half of American families rarely have family dinner.Decades of research have shown that children who regularly eat dinner with their families at home do better on a number of health measures.

Plan: The Key Is Togetherness, Not Timing

When kids eat with their parents, they are more likely to have:<ul><li>More fruits and vegetables and drink less soda.</li><li>Lower rates of obesity as both children and adults.</li><li>Higher self-esteem and a more positive outlook.     </li><li>Lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, school behavioural problems and depression.</li><li>Better body image and fewer eating disorders.</li><li>Better grades, higher reading scores and better vocabulary.</li></ul>

Benefits Of Eating With Family

You have more chances than you realize to connect with your family at the table. During the work week, most families have two opportunities a day to dine together (breakfast and dinner) and three chances (breakfast, lunch and dinner) on the weekends.
That gives us a total of 16 traditional meal opportunities a week to connect with our families.

Pick The Eating Occasion

Pros: Morning is often the only time everyone is together; kids love breakfast food. A study of 8,000 children in Europe showed that kids who ate breakfast with parents five or more days a week were 40 percent less likely to be overweight than their peers. Cons: Mornings can be rushed. Harvard’s Family Table project estimates that many families only have about 10 minutes for breakfast. Kids may be sleepy and not as engaged in conversation.

Family Breakfast: Pros And Cons

Pros: Usually simple and faster than other meals; great for picnics. Cons: Just two chances a week (Sat, Sun) for most working families; an only family meal with a potential negative. Studies show that children who eat daily lunch with their parents are more likely to be overweight.

Lunch: Pros And Cons

Pros:  Longest meal of day (about 22 mins); a good time to catch up on events of day, school, work etc. Cons: Tough on working parents to get home in time to cook; for teens, homework and sports conflicts interfere with dinner time.

Dinner: Pros And Cons

Pros: More time to prepare food, fewer scheduling conflicts. Cons: Television (sports) may be more tempting; kids may have less to say about school.

Weekend Meals: Pros And Cons

Pros: Great option when one parent can’t be home for full dinner; use time at the table for game, conversation. Cons: Adds extra calories to the day; time at table will be shorter than a regular meal.

Extended Snack: Pros And Cons

Pros: Kids love dessert so they will definitely show up; best to serve fruit at least some of the time. Cons: Risk of extra calories and sugaring up kids before bedtime

Desserts: Pros And Cons

Family researchers emphasize that there isn’t a magic number for family meals. But they do note that the benefits increase with every meal, so the more times you can gather as a family, the better. Every time parents sit down with their kids, it creates another opportunity to connect, and strong family connections appear to keep teens healthier and safer in a number of areas. 
Remember, the family table is not just about dinner — you have 16 opportunities a week to connect over a traditional meal and you can always gather at the table for just a snack or dessert.

The Sweet Spot

The more times a week a teen sat down for a family meal, the more likely he or she reported having high-quality relationships with parents. Family dinners are also strongly linked to lower rates of teen substance abuse. Here are some numbers to think about:0-2 Meals Per Week: Family researchers are most concerned about families that drop below eating three meals a week. 3 Meals a Week: Three days a week is the point where researchers begin to notice positive trends in a child’s nutritional and emotional health.5-7 Meals a Week: Where the greatest benefits in teen and family health were seen.

The More The Better

<ul>
<li>Family meals don’t have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting. “I believe the magic can happen without perfection,” says Lynn Barendsen, a co-founder of The Family Dinner Project. “Come together and enjoy each other’s company and manage to have a great meal."</li>
<li>If both parents can’t be home at the same time for dinner, or if teen sports practices get in the way, plan your table time for later in the evening around a family snack or late-evening dessert.</li>
<li>Don’t try to go from 1 or 2 meals a week to 7 meals overnight. Look at your family’s schedule for the week and try to find just one meal time that works for your family. Let everyone know and add your plans to the calendars of all the adults and teens in the house.</li>
</ul>

Keep It Simple

Don’t try to do everything at once. Look at your family and decide what your needs are. If it’s more family table time, try to find one extra meal that works. 
If you’ve got picky eaters, focus on strategies to help everyone eat more healthful. If your problem is tension at the dinner table, focus on conversation starters and games to keep everyone happy and engaged.

Set One Goal

<ul>
<li>The Family Table should be a fun, welcoming space. It’s not a place for stress, arguments and grilling kids about their grades.</li>
<li>Family time at a restaurant is better than no family meal time at all. But the reality is that meals eaten outside the home are almost always less healthful.</li>
</ul>

Keep it Fun

Sometimes the family table only has one adult. Divorced and single parents have different dinner planning challenges than married parents.
Sometimes one parent has to leave for work early, come home late or be away on business, leaving another parent to manage the family meal. Remember that a successful family table is one that results in family connection, healthful food and fun conversation. One adult at the table is better than none.

Solo Parents

One-child families, particularly when there is only one parent, can feel lonely at the family table. 
Eating meals with your child as often as possible still counts as a family meal, but consider joining another family from time to time to add a little extra noise and conversation to your family table.

Small Families

Sometimes an older sibling or caregiver is in charge of feeding the kids at night. 
You can still get the benefits of a family meal by making sure healthful food is served, and asking the caregiver to create a fun meal or suggest games or conversation starters that will allow children and teens to connect with each other and their caregiver.

Caregivers

The magic of the family table comes from the conversation and connection between parents and children, but it’s also important to serve nourishing food, model healthful eating habits and avoid food battles.
Childhood health experts say the best advice for improving a child’s diet is simply putting healthful food on the table and sitting down together to eat it.

Nourish: Good Food Brings Everyone Together

Everybody at the table, including the parents, has likes and dislikes. You can create different dishes for the meat lovers, vegetarians and picky eaters. Or you can just brace yourself for a nightly food battle. 
But why not make it easier on everyone and create buffet-style build-your-own meals? Start with a basic ingredient and then step aside and let everyone create their own favorite version of the dish.

Build Your Own

Once the food is served, limit any food talk about how good it tastes. Don’t make comments about how much or how little someone has put on their plate. Even something as simple as “Just eat a little more of that,” could prompt a child to become stubborn and resist the food. No cajoling. No bribing, as It makes for tension at the table and it’s counterproductive

Don't Comment On The Food

Children learn eating behaviors, both good and bad, from a parent. So dinner time is a good time to model healthful eating. If a child has avoided a dish, don’t pressure them. 
 Just give yourself a heaping serving, and ask them if they want to try. If they say no, just say “more for me!” and keep eating.

Setting An Example

With hot stoves, boiling water and sharp knives at hand, it is understandable that parents don’t want children in the kitchen when they’re making dinner. But studies suggest that involving children in meal preparation is an important first step in getting them to try new foods.

Take Them To The Kitchen

The secret sauce of family dinner is not the food — it’s the connection parents and kids make with each other.Family meals offer a natural opportunity for parental influence. There are few other contexts in family life that provide a regular window of focused time together.This is good news for parents who feel like they can’t quite pull off the perfect family meal every time, because what really seems to matter is just being there to talk, listen and see your kids, even if the meal is just a quick sandwich or a store-prepared chicken.

The Connect

Family meals should be fun, interesting and free of conflict. Don't Talk About: Bad grades or school problems: Kids never feel good when they struggle in school. Chores: Kids feel berated when parents keep reminding them of chores. Politics: Whether you broach the topic of politics depends on your family.What everyone is eating: It’s never helpful to comment about the food one of your kids is eating or not eating.

What Not To Talk About

How you can help:  Ask your kids if they need any help with homework or school projects. Weekend and vacation plans: Topics like holiday plans, weekend outings and dream vacations (past and future) are terrific topics for a fun family dinner. Current events: A family table is a great place for serious topics about the world around us. What everyone wants to eat: The dinner table is a great place to talk about foods you love, foods that make you squeamish or the best (or worst) meal you’ve ever had.

What To Talk About

Some families choose “zero tolerance” for mealtimes. There are certainly times when this is a good idea for everyone. Zero tolerance means you turn off all computers, televisions and cellphones. 
Here’s the bad news — it’s usually parents who are most likely to break the rules. So zero tolerance needs to apply to everyone at the table, not just the kids.

Tech-Free Zone

Do your kids have a favorite song or video that’s on their minds? Sometimes technology can spark a conversation and family connection. Watch a short clip or let your child read from a funny blog post. Now put the phones in the center of the table and enjoy the conversation that ensues after you’ve allowed yourself to peek inside your child’s digital world.

Conversation Starters

The table is a great place to reconnect as a family. We'll show you how. 

The Family Table - Well Guides

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